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L/L Research Transcripts

ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THIS TRANSCRIPT: This telepathic channeling has been taken from transcriptions of the weekly study and meditation meetings of the Rock Creek Research & Development Laboratories and L/L Research. It is offered in the hope that it may be useful to you. As the Confederation entities always make a point of saying, please use your discrimination and judgment in assessing this material. If something rings true to you, fine. If something does not resonate, please leave it behind, for neither we nor those of the Confederation would wish to be a stumbling block for any.

Sunday Meditation

May 27, 1990

Group question: The question this evening has to do with how preincarnative choices are put into motion in the incarnation. It seems very likely that the childhood experiences at an early age—at the age of seven, or ten, or somewhere around there—have the effect of influencing the child in the direction of the preincarnative choice, so that the child may be imbued with self-confidence, or a lack of self-confidence, with anger, or with compassion, with the ability to work with other people in groups, or the lack of that ability. It seems that there is a series of experiences, usually with the parents, or with brothers or sisters, or neighbors, at that age that imprints so strongly upon the child that the child then carries that imprint throughout the life, and uses that effect to work on himself either consciously or unconsciously, so that the desires and choices before the incarnation are focused on because they’re set in motion during childhood. Is this a correct assumption, and if it is, could you elaborate on how this works?

(Carla channeling)

I am Latwii, and I greet you in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. We are most happy to be with you this evening, and are wishing to extend the greetings of those known as Ra whose company is normally blended with our own. However, this instrument prays for the highest contact it may receive in a stable and healthful manner, and it is very weak. This contact is possible almost completely because of the great love and mutual respect of this circle, each for the other. When we have this sort of harmony, we may use the energy of the instrument with far more safety.

You ask this evening about the preincarnatively chosen structures, limitations, biases and thinking processes which affect the young child until the age of seven or so. This is an interesting topic. The entity which is the young spirit is the designer of these experiences and has chosen the catalyst knowing the behaviors and catalysts that would create the lifetime pattern of learning. Make no mistake, there is no villain but your own wiser self, which wishes you to experience that which seems unbearable so that you may learn to empty yourself of insignificant expectation. This is an act of desire to learn, and may be directly attributed to yourself. This is not easy to remember, and impossible to appreciate when you are suffering, either mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. But each of you is not the limited entity whose ears hear our words. Each of you is a very powerful being; a being, in fact, of infinite power. It is the wish of the growing spirit so to use this power that the positivity, light and good of eternity may be apprehended by the self.

It would seem that in choosing the early childhood abandonment, invalidation of reality and scorn, that the higher self wishes to set up a no-win situation, and there are many who remain at this place or condition of consciousness for the life experience, moving around the difficulties of feeling unworthy, abandoned, lonely and sorrowful and allowing this to be, not catalyst, but a continuing picture of reality as you know it in this illusion. But within each of you there is a quality peculiarly your own, and that is your free will. The seeking entity chooses to examine not the surface of the feelings only, not the suffering only, but the reason for them.

The third-density question is “Why?” You know, more and more, what you are as you pursue your own personal truth. A curious person, a person who wants to know why it has been abandoned, and why it must feel abandoned for a whole lifetime, is ripe for a maturation, a blooming, which will involve releasing the identity of “the abandoned one.” There is a fear of releasing one’s identity, no matter what it is. The feeling of unworthiness is often crushing and, indeed, is encouraged and nurtured mercilessly by early childhood catalyst. This sense of unworthiness, poor as it is, is an identity and, to change, one must surrender this identity. Again you gaze at suffering and change.

Thus we link early childhood to preincarnative, eternal beingness, and state that there is a purpose for the incredible suffering that is so often the lot of the sensitive being. The sensitive being tends to build a fort, or a fortification, so that it may not be so hurt by circumstance. This fortification must be consciously torn down to effect a change in self-image. Before you came to this experience, you knew that you were loved, that you were whole, perfect, unblemished, loving and beloved by the Creator Self, a child of the Father of all that there is, of the Mother of all that there is. But this knowledge does little good if it is not challenged.

This instrument has low energy into the heart chakra because it is blocked in red ray as it questions its right to be alive. It is blocked in orange ray by its reluctance to accept freely given love. That is why we must speak carefully and slowly. This instrument is, at this moment, typical of the nature of energy blockages among your people. It is experiencing that which comes to all, or very nearly all, spirits. It has itself noted one mystery: try as it might, swear and kick and rage, it cannot give up hope. This hope, which may be called faith, is that which holds the entity in a safe energy web as it is dismantled, as programs in the consciousness are changed, and new possibilities are opened for data input and new programming, to use the terms of the computer, which so resembles the choices of the consciousness that we find them useful.

You are warriors. Let this sink deep into your heart. You are not people of peace, as your language intends this word. You have come here to disrupt, destroy and remake yourself according to free will choices having to do with why you are here. When all the reasons of the illusion are cast aside, finally the intelligence gazes upon those things which are changeless. There are two: light is not changed by any relation it might have to any other energy field or movement; love is a constant within each entity’s aching and anguished heart. It may not feel loved, but, against all reason, it loves. Therefore, those who ask, “Why?” are given two considerations which speak of eternity: love and light. Such abstractness does not help the conscious mind or lift the suffering spirit. But the pilgrim soul keeps asking, “Why?” and finding that in terms of ideal or unchangeable things, this question deals with love and light. The question cannot be answered, and so each entity chooses to align itself with love and light without anything but hope or faith to guide the choice.

We shall not, this evening, attempt inspiration, for each entity is aware that first the great power of the self that lies beyond abandonment, unworthiness and loneliness is that mystery of self which does not reveal itself except in darkest shadow. You are creatures starving, and you have only faith and hope, because you see that there is light and there is love and no one can deny either, and you see yourself as one whose quest for the truth cannot be denied. Does this then ally you with infinite and imperishable things? The intuitive answer is, “Yes,” and this is the rock-bottom of despair, the thirst and blankness and emptiness of the desert, the time of no hope, except that there is always hope, because you cannot help but ask, “Why?” and seek “Why?” yet find the infinite values in substance to remain. Who among you or we can expect to remain in hopeful, cheerful and joyful conditions always? This we do not promise you, but rather promise you despair, darkness, loneliness and hopelessness. But never is that condition complete, because of that within you which hopes and lives by faith. “If you go to Sheol, I AM there. There is nowhere you can go that I AM not present,” declares love.

Suffer as you must in order to grow. Gaze with careful and open eyes at your choices of early childhood conditioning. You have chosen your own hell. You have also chosen your own heaven. Focus your power and ask why. Find your undeniable hope and acknowledge it without understanding it. Persevere. We shall not ask you, this evening, to be merry, for you ask, “What of despair?” There is little merriment in this condition. Yet know that this condition was created as an important and cyclical phase of your development, as a beacon of love and light to the Creator, to yourself, and to the world. Let all fail, let hopelessness reign, this condition cannot be sustained. You are irrepressible. Watch yourself grow, and remember, as you rejoice in those times of blooming, how great was the pain of birth.

We would at this time close this meeting by asking the one known as Jim if it would accept our contact. We are those of Latwii.

(Jim channeling)

I am Latwii, and greet each again in love and light. At this time we would ask if we may speak to any further queries within this group, as it is our privilege to do so.

Carla: I know you can’t answer this specifically, but I just can’t imagine why I put myself at bed rest for the rest of my life. I just don’t understand.

I am Latwii. We are aware of your query, and your suffering, my sister, and we wish that we could speak words that would relieve the pain and the limitation, but we find that there are not only few words that speak centrally to your suffering, but that we have a great desire that you should find your way through this maze of misery, for there is no challenge given that is this great that does not have equally great rewards that await the patient and long-suffering seeker.

Your illusion is one which is unique in all of the creation, for it is in your illusion that the face of the Creator is so well hidden that oftentimes it seems that one is alone, one is abandoned, and one has nothing but one’s own misery to experience. This darkness of being in some degree visits each, for this is what your illusion presents to those who enter its door, the opportunity to seek the Creator in the darkest reaches of the creation, those places where it seems no light has ever shone, those corners and closets of the self which is heavily burdened with sickness, sorrow and suffering, those qualities that are so readily available within your illusion and which so toughly test the able spirit to see if there is any place within the illusion that love cannot be found, to see if there is any wound that love cannot heal.

Thus, each of you moves into this illusion knowing that you shall move in the valley of the shadow of death, as you have had it called, that you shall call upon those inner resources that are your birthright in a way in which they have never been invoked before. In this way you imbue every cell of your soul with the strength of your seeking, with the faith that is only found in those who are already strengthened by overcoming previous suffering that is great.

My sister, you rest upon the bed of nails, as it were, for that body which you inhabit is one which is pierced by pain. It is a body which carries you now, but carefully, that you may ride further into those reaches of the self which remain to be explored, and which few ever dream of exploring, for though the rewards are great, the cost is equally great, for each endeavor that promises further advancement upon the spiritual journey has its cost. Eventually each of you shall give all that you have at the door of death, as you call it, that you might once again enter into the realm of unity and love. The price is high for those who seek purely. This is a truth which each viewed before the incarnation began, and which each undertook solemnly, knowing that there would be difficulty, yet welcoming that difficulty, for by enduring and overcoming there is the victory of the spirit and its purification that it might become …

(Side one of tape ends.)

Carla: The few which are present have all gone through suffering the illness (inaudible), gone through, [having to] watch a perfectly well, living person sicken and die over many months or years. Each of us has come to (inaudible) and gone over them. I know in E’s dying, if I hadn’t been there to be as good a friend as I could to T he would perhaps have had some kind of mental breakdown. I know that if either Jim or I had not had each other when dealing with Don’s mental illness I would definitely have not survived, and it is possible that neither of us would have. Is there some special reason we have been drawn together, as our paths seem to be unusually similar in this? It seems to me to be perhaps the worst burden of an ill person, that other people must suffer for the self. It seems grossly unfair, and (inaudible) and there isn’t a thing that the ill person can do about it.

I am Latwii, and am aware of your query, my sister. When entities such as yourselves enter the incarnation with the purpose of providing as much light, shall we say, as is possible, then there are those patterns, or techniques, of livingness that are invoked. These have to do with providing the setting that will allow the service that has been desired. Oftentimes the service requires a certain kind of personal advancement that is not possible without great testing. The testing may take many forms. Within certain groups of entities it is known that the experience of the loss of the loved one is a kind of testing that will prepare the person not only for those inner initiations of a personal level, but, through the passing through of these initiations, will allow that entity to provide a service to others that would not be possible without the initiation.

Thus, you find in may cases where groupings of entities have incarnated many times together, that there is a pattern of learning and serving that is utilized within these groups, which when viewed from within the limited confines of the illusion will seem to be greatly distorted towards personal suffering, with little hint of the purpose or reason. It is only when the illusion is seen from outside of the illusion and the incarnation that one may see the purpose of the pattern, the opportunity that is presented.

As often as it is said within the illusion, it seems trite to say that there is no suffering without purpose. To one who has long suffered and long sought the purpose and yet has not found that purpose, it is not the greatest of consolations to know that there is yet a purpose. However, we tell you that this is so. That one may suffer long and deeply within your illusion is an experience that carries weight within the total beingness of the entity. There is no suffering that is unrewarded. All has a purpose; all purposes serve the One; the One is in each and every entity that one touches in the daily round of activities. As much as is possible within the painful confines of your illusion, your bodies and your situations, rest in the knowledge that you do nothing in vain. All is divinely inspired. There is a purpose.

Is there another query, my sister?

Carla: A final question is this, a general one. The one known as S feels that you are her personal comforter. She has been suffering greatly lately, and I am sure would appreciate anything that you would say, as she feels so alone at this time.

I am Latwii, and am aware of your query, my sister. Each word that we have spoken this evening may be heard by the one known as S as if that word were spoken for her, for indeed this is so. This one is close to us, indeed, we comfort her, yet many are the times when this one has been comforted and has not felt that comfort, for its isolation has been great, its perception of that isolation has been so great as to insulate it on occasion from that aid which is available.

We would say to this one, that we do indeed love you with all of our being. We are never far from you. We seek to aid you in those ways which you open to us. Find a ray of light and hope within your being and follow that ray to its source. There, on that journey which is inward only, you will find many friends, and among them we shall be rejoicing to greet you, for we know that which you endure. There are many upon the surface of this planet which feel this solitude, this abandonment, and yet we say that there is no darkness and no abandonment that does not have a purpose within the overall plan of each entity that experiences these qualities.

In order for any seed to be grown within your illusion it must be put within the dark earth. There must be a time of resting there, away from light, in order that what is within the seed might burst the shell, the limitation, the confines of that experience and break forth toward the light in order that there might be a new being born from the old. The experience of transformation for any entity within your illusion, when seen from our vantage point, takes place in but the blinking of an eye, yet we know that within your illusion this same transformation seems to last far, far into the dark and lonely night, and we feel our compassion for you growing as we become one with you and experience that loneliness, the pain of separation.

Yet, we encourage each to persevere, for each is a good seed with much yet to offer in the blooming. The cycles move, the seasons change, the soul once again will enliven the personality that lives within the illusion, and there will again be the joy of the heart that springs forth into summer and into the full fruiting that is possible for each seeker of truth. We are with you. We endure with you, we seek with you, we await with you the light and the love of the Creator that does always nourish each, and which each in its own time will bring forth into new fruit and joyful experience.

Is there a further query, my sister?

Carla: No, I thank you on S’s behalf and on my own.

I am Latwii, and we thank you once again, my sister. Is there another query at this time?

Carla: Not from me, thank you.

I am Latwii, and it has been our unusual and great pleasure to speak to this group this evening. We hope that our words might have some use for each, that each may find support and nourishment in the times that are difficult. We are with each at all times, and we leave each in that love and light of the one infinite Creator which does not fail. We are known to you as those of Latwii. Adonai, my friends. Adonai.

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