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ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THIS TRANSCRIPT: This telepathic channeling has been taken from transcriptions of the weekly study and meditation meetings of the Rock Creek Research & Development Laboratories and L/L Research. It is offered in the hope that it may be useful to you. As the Confederation entities always make a point of saying, please use your discrimination and judgment in assessing this material. If something rings true to you, fine. If something does not resonate, please leave it behind, for neither we nor those of the Confederation would wish to be a stumbling block for any.

Special Meditation

August 30, 2004

Question from G: I would like to ask that you touch upon my desire and seeking to heal myself and my past, specifically delving into my search to discover the unknown traumatic learning and the primary cause of self-rejection developed within my formative years, the still-divided energies I feel within, and the hole I’ve described to you within my being, somewhere. Please feel free to leave these subjects and venture into any other topic you feel may be of benefit to me. I trust you. After which I’ll have as many questions as you and the instrument have the time and energy for. Thank you.

(Carla channeling)

We are those of the principle known to you as Q’uo, and we greet you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator, in Whose service we come to you this day. It is our privilege to be called to your group and we thank you for the opportunity to share our thoughts on this search for self-healing that the one known as G is moving through at this time. As always, we would ask that each in this group exercise the utmost vigilance in using the discrimination of his own mind and heart, for those things which we offer are simply opinion rather than being authoritarian in nature and we need you to realize that our opinion is not necessarily the truth that is helpful for you at this time. If you find things that are helpful then by all means follow them and make them your own by working upon them and adding to them as new insights come to you. If they do not resonate to you with that familiar feel of an old friend newly remembered, then please let them drop away.

The beginning of an incarnation seems to be a simple thing and yet often it is somewhat more complicated than the simple beginning that it seems. Although many entities’ processes of incarnation begin roughly at the time of the birth, for many, especially those who have a great deal of previous experience before this incarnation, the process of entering the body and starting the incarnation is begun somewhat prior to the actual birth of the fetus as it exits the womb of the mother. In the case of the one known as G, this was quite true. And, indeed, for each in this circle this was the case. A tremendous amount of awareness and even the basic personality shell was that which was given while the seeming fetus was yet in the womb. Indeed, by the time of the birth of the one known as G, much fairly complex work had been done and the beginning of the incarnation, therefore, was, shall we say, perhaps eight months or so prior to the birth of this entity into the world.

The bounds of free will do not permit us to discuss some of the complications that were occurring around the one known as G—and we mean that literally—during the pregnancy. Suffice it to say that there were disagreements and disharmonies betwixt the parents that alarmed and frightened the one known as G and convinced this entity that it would be better to turn partially away from full attention within the life experience in order to protect the tender sensibilities of this entity from the disharmonies that it was experiencing about it. It was not seen by this very young entity that this decision might become inconvenient at a later time. Nevertheless, the decision was made at a very deep level, prior to the actual birth of this entity, so that the one known as G came into incarnation with a substantive and very deep-set bias against paying full attention to that which was spoken by any entity about it that would have any possibility whatsoever of causing harm to this entity.

Because of the nature of the family system of the one known as G, this entity’s decision to protect itself was only underlined and emphasized by the events of its early life. The climate of constant disagreement and disharmony continued and as the entity grew and became able to have friends and to begin moving through those cultural systems that you call school and education, more and more evidence seemed to point to the fact that disharmony was the standard operating environment that could be expected and, therefore, each time there came an opportunity to begin to second-guess that first basic decision to lift the attention away from any spoken word from any perceived authority figure, the decision was always made, once again, in favor of protecting the self and distancing the self from spoken communication.

The lifting away from dependence upon words had the positive aspect of creating, for this entity, an inner safe place. It had the apparently negative aspect of constituting a defect in the linkage between short term memory and long term memory so that there grew to be the impression within the one known as G of there being no memory of those things which had gone before. In fact, it is as though within the mind of the one known as G there are files that are locked away that have been designated as being, shall we say, contaminated or infected and therefore, that have been placed where they cannot be accessed. This has constituted in the adult life of the one known as G a real stumbling block. And when we gaze at those steps which can recover the so-called hole in the mind, or the gaps in the memory, we find that, in many ways, the effort needed to recover such locked-away memory might be considered excessive.

It is, however, more possible to look at working with changing the layers of decision-making, moving down through the tree of mind to reaccess that point before birth when the one known as G first made the decision to angle himself away from spoken communication. When one attempts to change a decision that one has made for one’s own good, one must realize that one is asking of the self that it trust new information over old and trusted information. This is usually the most difficult part of altering a behavior and attitude of a point of view: that is, becoming able to trust the judgment of the self in its new configuration to the point where the self is able to gaze at the old configuration and the new configuration and have confidence that the new configuration will function properly. Therefore, we would suggest that the first step in clearing the old configuration is to move into a state of mind which is silent and to create, in that silence, shall we say, a workshop, a place within where this work can be held, gazed at, and considered.

For this instrument, such a workshop was her choice. She created her own workshop by moving into that silence of mind in which she contemplated her favorite places until she found her very favorite place and then, within her own mind, she constructed, detail by detail, the workshop she felt she needed to do work in consciousness. She provided for herself two rooms with a little bathroom off the side of the office. She offered to herself a room that was for records and for office work and for a comfortable chair that she could sit in and muse and prepare herself to do work in consciousness. And then, through a wide-open gateway, with no door but simply the arch of space that indicated that there were two rooms [she created] a working room where there were three seats and, in front of those three seats, a large screen. She created two doors in that second room through which the male and female aspects of her guidance might step. And when she invited those aspects in and they came in and were greeted, they took the three seats—one [aspect] on each side of her and her seat in the middle. When she was ready to do the work, she and her guidance, holding hands, would light the screen with their intention and when the screen lit, then the work could be visualized and done. This instrument created a color scheme, carpets, works of art, and everything that she could think of to make this space both sacred and beautiful. And it is a place to which she moves in consciousness each time that she tunes to work as she is working at this moment.

We give you this degree of detail not to indicate what the one known as G should design but to indicate that it is important in creating a place of working that it be created with great thought and attention to detail, so that the one known as G makes for himself a place that is truly his own, where he feels at home and safe, and where he feels safe in calling forth his guidance and his own power.

This instrument is glad to aid the one known as G in the creation of this sacred space but we do caution the one known as G that each detail of the work be his own and come from his heart and his soul and his mind.

When this workshop has been created, we would suggest that the one known as G move there in consciousness on a daily basis, if possible, while he is doing this work of attempting to recover the decision made before birth. We cannot say before incarnation, for this was an incarnative decision. But the fact that it was a decision made in the womb has serious consequences and creates, for the work at hand, a level of complexity that is not seen when the damage, shall we say, has been done to an entity’s sense of self after birth.

It was also so, for the one known as Carla, that great alarm and dismay was felt before the incarnation properly began. In this instrument’s case, the alarm was deep enough that it prolonged the pregnancy so that this instrument was born only after ten months in the womb. However, this instrument did not choose to create for herself that safe place that she would have had by deciding to reject some portion of the environment about her after birth. Rather, it created for her a deep sense of what this instrument would call resentment. It, therefore, can be seen that this instrument’s personality shell is actually more warlike or warrior-like than the personality shell of the one known as G; it turned not towards flight but, in the end, towards fight, whereas the one known as G simply turned aside and slipped away from the danger it had perceived.

We would take time to note, to the one known as G, that there is no shame in perceiving as negative, or undesirable, that level of disharmony which makes words mean nothing. The ways of entities who use words to hurt are such that words lose their meaning. Words cannot be used logically or with common sense, for they are but markers or symbols for unspoken and perhaps unknown biases which drive the entity to use language in ways that are not consonant with logic. This is not an experience unique to his family system. It is relatively rampant within human society, in general, that words are used not to communicate but to control or to wound. Blessed indeed is the family system in which this is not true. The one known as G has now found his way into a spiritually-based family which holds the value of words used only for communication and not for control or for wounding. However, each of those in that family system makes frequent errors and has those moments when it does use words not purely to communicate but also to control, to persuade, or to wound. For the one known as G and for all of those within this family system, we could encourage careful thought when using words with the one known as G, realizing that this entity’s wounds are of the nature of words being used as sticks and stones. If there is an energy there that can be perceived and that can be talked about, then we encourage, any time that such a slip from communication to persuasion to wounding is perceived, for there to be an honest and immediate effort to clean up communication and to reestablish communication as a clear and sweet channel of energy between two people.

That is the beautiful thing about communicating in clear blue ray, as this instrument would call it. When the heart is open and words are used well, each word carries that energy of the heart and can be perceived not as that which comes to wound but that which comes to aid. Gradually, through the time spent with this family system, the one known as G has found it more possible to listen to speech without becoming nervous or desiring to get away. And this is because that subconscious portion of the self recognizes the health and the attractiveness of these good words. It is an entirely new experience for this entity and is much appreciated on very deep levels. Yet still there is the backlog of two decades and more of difficulty and repetitive choices made to confirm the original choice that words are basically “bad” things. We overgeneralize here for the sake of the conversation.

We are giving this instrument the picture of the desert at night. It is dark. It is quiet. Indeed, it is silent. The stars stud the night sky as they do only in the desert when there are no cities about and no sources of artificial light and, indeed, no dwellings of any kind whatsoever. This is the environment of simplicity. This darkness, this quietness, may well be part of the place chosen for the workshop by the one known as G, for these are two outward markers of simplicity and the present blockages are a reaction against complexity. We move here in ways that this instrument does not understand and we ask her forgiveness for moving her beyond her comfort level but, in working with decisions made before birth, we are in a kind of shadow-land. Before birth, an entity is very close to the larger entity that it is before choosing a body and committing to the connection of the silver cord. Decisions made at this time are not irrevocable, for they did not come in as part of the personality shell. But they have that incredible strength of initial decisions that have never been circumvented or changed.

So, moving back into this space of darkness, it is perhaps not simply desert but more: the womb itself, that true darkness that has never seen any light. Realize that, to the one known as G, the womb itself was a dangerous place. There was no safety anywhere. The entity which carried the one known as G was angry and unhappy. This communicated itself, especially when this entity engaged in conversation with the one known as G’s father. We do not suggest that either of these two parents were negative entities. Indeed, those who are parents to the one known as G are, as is he, beautiful, loving souls seeking to learn and to serve. However, they were chosen by the one known as G as part of a setup for an incarnational lesson that was designed to open the heart. And, indeed, this has, to some extent, misfired from the beginning because of this initial decision.

As the one known as G begins to engage in moving back into the layers of fear that prompted this early decision, we encourage a tremendous feeling of patience and compassion. Think of yourself as a doctor that has been called in to remove a splinter that has worked itself deep into the finger, or the toe, creating a tremendous amount of pain and an inability to use that particular appendage. Through time, that thorn has been unable to work itself out and it has festered in place. Indeed, it has encapsulated itself so that it is no longer able to be gotten at by a pair of pincers. It cannot be tweezed out.

Think of the work that you do in your workshop as a way of putting the appendage, the hand, or the foot, into the hot water of your silence, your darkness, your meditation and then think of asking for what would constitute a drawing solution such as the Epsom salts, for drawing out deep infection. What aspects of self would you call on to assist you in this work of healing? What aspects of your guidance would you call forth? If you were going to call forth a totem animal to give you courage to confront your deepest fears, what animal would you choose? Take the time to answer that question, to choose that totem animal and to make friends with it, so that you may ask it for help. What odor, what aroma, would you consider the best, the most inspirational for you to use in sweetening your mind and resting your heart as you do this work? Take the time to look at this question and choose an essential oil or incense that you may use when you do the work. Find as many ways as possible to set up for yourself a magical time, so that when you move into this workshop experience, you’re using all of your senses and all of your help and all of the aspects of this personality shell that you bring to this work to bear on this question.

It may seem that you are dancing around this question by attending to so many details, but our feeling is that it is quite central that you create a place of safety in a new configuration of self that has as much attractiveness and soundness and substance, metaphysically speaking, as the safe place of the old configuration of thought has. For you cannot fool your subconscious self. It shall not heal itself because you ask it to, on a shallow basis. It takes time to convince that child self, that infant self, that it is safe to change from one closet to another. We say “closet” because we have used that metaphor before in discussing your particular difficulty. This instrument, just this morning, was editing the last special session which this group offered for the one known as G and in it we were using that term because it was a good thing at the time that it was chosen and it is only recently that it has become more and more of a prison than a closet, more of a limiting thing than a safe place.

So when that child self is offered a new safe place, because it is a safe place that is without those neat boundaries of the old safe place, the new safe place needs to be very detailed, very specific, very trustable. And this will take some serious repetition. This is not work done in a day or a week or even a month—it takes time to convince the self that one is serious when one is attempting to move at such a deep level within incarnation.

Outside of incarnation these alterations of thoughts are relatively simple because they are visible; the veil between conscious and subconscious does not hold. And work at very deep levels, even archetypical levels, can be done, certainly not quickly but consciously. Within incarnation, such attempts are not visible. One can work with that which shows above the level of consciousness but much of the real work is done under the threshold of consciousness and outside of the conscious awareness of the individual. Consequently, work that is done in these workshop meditations will be seated through sleep; and perhaps the one known as G will begin to have dream experiences that indicate that this material is being worked through.

It will be work that will be done completely on faith, for there will be no immediate result, and when results do begin to come into the conscious mind, it will be inkling by inkling and hint by hint rather than being a sudden and complete “aha!” experience. But we believe that the one known as G is on a good track. We agree with the one known as G that it would be helpful to move out of this closet, this previous safe place that has become such a limiting factor. For when this entity hears but does not hear, in each case, this is that same mechanism working perfectly to protect the one known as G from pain.

Think of what a daring thing it will be for the one known as G to ask to hear everything! After it asks this thing and has been given the boon of hearing all, it still shall be in a world in which many entities will speak words designed not to communicate but to persuade or to wound. That will not change. That basic truth of the environment of third density will remain as it is. Consequently, the challenge is to create, within the self, an intention that stands the test of time.

We offer to the one known as G our aid in being with him in his meditations and assure the one known as G that he has only to ask and we shall join him as that energy that deepens and stabilizes his level of meditation.

May we ask if there are other queries at this time?

G: Q’uo, I consider myself a very lucky person to be able to talk with a portion of the outer planes of the universe and to get some friendly advice.

You stated in an earlier channeling that I had a considerable amount of spiritual energy available for my service, and that there was set up to be a near-complete natural reliance on accessing that. Can you comment at all about what this spiritual energy and how I may safely tap into it for its use?

We are those of Q’uo, and, my brother, that is the extent of that which we may say on that subject at this time. Is there a further query at this time?

G: That’s cool. Yes, and I may get a similar response for this one too.

Sometimes I view my own particular path as possibly having some requirements, some voluntary limitations that I would do well to impose upon my actions for the sake of becoming what I think is the ultimate goal of where I view my seeking may lead me, and that’s to become a purified channel for the Law of One. Can you tell me if any such requirements exist and possibly what they might be?

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. In general, the choice of paths to a goal is entirely up to the choice of the individual. For some, the choice of an abstemious lifestyle is as the outward marker for inward purity and, when that is sought, the practice of hewing to such ascetic disciplines is helpful. For others, such as this instrument, who have a naturally well-disciplined inner life, the opposite is true and this instrument works with itself to, shall we say, have fun and not to take the self so terribly seriously. What works for one person will not work for another. For one entity, monkhood, poverty, obedience, chastity, the classic giving up of the world, is tremendously comforting and healing and creates an inner space where the entity finally feels natural. For another entity, the world itself, with all of its excesses and imbalances, seems the Garden of Eden. We would simply ask that you stay in touch with your inner self to the point where you feel the rightness of choices such as abstemiousness or indulgence. Look for your own inner balance, not anyone else’s, not any other system of thought’s idea of what good behavior and spiritual environments are. But look within yourself and ask yourself and your guidance, “What do I need? What environment will serve me as I wish to serve the Creator?” Listen deeply and ask more than once and if you can, write down those impressions that you may get.

It is well to be in communication with yourself, to create a way for you to talk with yourself. This instrument, for instance, keeps a notebook and when she wishes to move a little more deeply into her guidance, she will actually sit down and write out a question and then simply ask for guidance. When that next thought comes into the mind, she begins to write it down as if it were not coming from her but through her and she has found this to be very helpful. We do not know what might work for the one known as G. It may be more helpful for this entity to work with the dreams and use that as the gateway to talking to the self about the self. Whatever mode of communication is chosen, we would suggest that it be pursued with perseverance, and as we said before, patience. These are long-term processes of the self, by the self. They do not have the shortcut of the authority of the teacher and this is that which could be seen as a time-consuming factor. And yet we say to the one known as G that no teacher from the outside can affect this particular difficulty. It will be the self working with the self that begins to balance this particular distortion that runs so deep.

May we answer you further, my brother?

G: Thank you, that’s good advice. I understand what it means to discover for myself what is right or wrong. I have what may be an extension of that question. You may have an answer to this, you may not, but I would like to ask because I am not exactly sure myself. I am curious to know what effect these three substances have on me and my seeking: alcohol, cigarettes and refined sugar. Alcohol especially. I feel such a conflict, at times between filling in social needs and once-in-a-while occasion of drinking [alcohol] that goes along with that, and the seeming “harm” that sometimes it feels like it brings to my path.

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. We have discussed before that any substance that alters the mood can be seen as that which is a short-cut or a crutch. The cigarettes and the alcohol are both those types of things and that which you call refined sugar is, in a more subtle way, also that which alters the mood. However, we believe we would be moving beyond our proper limits in speaking further of such substances in this regard. They are not critical to the progress of this entity, one way or another. However, they have their impact, as does everything that affects the one known as G. We therefore leave it to the one known as G to assess the proper balance in the use of such substances. Does this entity feel that these substances are helpful? If so, what is the proper use, the appropriate balance, or the golden mean for the use of such substances?

Is there a final query at this time?

G: Yes. Last year I was a told by another local channel that, in my past somewhere, there was what this channel’s source described as a cutting, decisive, split between my mother and I. I don’t know how that operates or works or when it happened but the information seemed to resonate with me because, at some point in my life, I feel like there was a distance put between my mother and that I’ve never been able to breach. So many times when I am talking with her I can’t help but feel an irritation and intolerance about who she is and I honestly have no clue where it’s coming from. Why would I feel that way? Could you speak to this at all, Q’uo? And, thank you for your time spent with me today.

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. We see no harm in saying that this split was made with your mother as well as your father, but certainly more so with your mother, before birth and is part and parcel of this initial decision that you made to distance yourself from those whose nature was disharmonious. The weakness that was perceived by the infant, G, is no longer applicable to the one known as G at this time. However, as we said earlier, this early decision has never been rescinded and it shall be the work of some time for this entity to get to the depth of being at which this separation was chosen.

We thank the one known as G for his work, his love, and his calling upon us. It has been our distinct pleasure to be with each of you and to work with these questions. Our hearts go out to each of you and your poignant and never-ending efforts to be. There are many challenges to uncover being, many straws in the wind, many discouragements, and many trials. We commend each of you for your courage, your persistence, and your love. You are beautiful beings and we celebrate you. We hope we may help you to bloom. You are doing a beautiful job. We are with you.

We leave you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are those known to you as the principle of Q’uo. Adonai. Adonai.

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