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A Wanderer’s Handbook - Excerpt

CHAPTER ONE: BEING A WANDERER

STORIES

When people write telling their stories and asking if they are wanderers, I always reply first with the thought that if they have wandered into realms where this question has relevance for them, then they are definitely wanderers. Depending on what they have to say, many issues may come up, but this question is central for many. Here are two examples:

I sometimes wonder if I’m just losing my mind. My world has turned upside down. I no longer care at all about material things. My beliefs about spiritual life, reincarnation, etc., are far from what I used to believe, or not believe! I often do not trust what I read and what I “receive” when meditating. And I have no idea, really, whether I am a wanderer or not, nor do I know whether it makes any difference. What I do know is that I feel enormous compassion, forgiveness and tolerance, and a sometimes puzzling sense of both sorrow and joy about the world and its inhabitants.[8]

**

I don’t seem to be telepathic, never channeled, feel deeply spiritual and love music, nature, animals, “feel” like I’m from another planet, but have never had that experience, abduction, visitation, etc., that tells me without a doubt, “Hey, you are a wanderer!” Is this the Law of Confusion again? Am I asleep?[9]

As I said in the Foreword, if we feel we may be a wanderer, we are one, at least in the general sense of being the spiritual outsider who finds himself alienated by and isolated in some degree from the surrounding culture because of a mismatch of interests and motivations with that culture. The worldly person is seeking things. The metaphysically biased individual is seeking essence. Here are some examples of wanderers who feel much more certain of their wanderer status:

I must tell you that I am very, very certain about being a “wanderer” or a being from another density, I have felt since I started my mental/spiritual/emotional rebirth that I am a big part in something. I have not yet recognized if I am from another density but that I am preparing for myself and offering my self as a vehicle for those wishing to elevate.[10]

**

I also wanted to tell you that I reached the point of beginning to realize (to me that’s more than just know) that I am a wanderer. Knowing is just in the mind, realizing is in the heart.[11]

**

I am not only discovering that I am not alone, but that I actually fit pretty neatly into the wanderer’s profile.[12]

Ah yes, the profile! There are many. They are fun to play with. I have chosen the one created by Scott Mandelker, author of From Elsewhere: Being ET In America[13] and the recently released Universal Vision: Soul Evolution And The Cosmic Plan[14], from which this updated version is taken:

The New ET Questionnaire

Your Childhood

1. Did you often think about, daydream, or fantasize about ETs, UFOs, and other worlds?

2. Did you feel like ordinary things around you were somehow strange, like the human body, the color of the sky, trees and nature, human architecture, and adults?

3. Did you ever feel as if your parents were not your real parents, that you had a missing brother or sister, or a home some place far away?

4. Did you have magical dreams of flying, invisible spirit friends, or receiving special guidance and protection?

5. Did you look up at the night sky with longing, and sometimes say: “Take me home … Why am I here?” or ask “Why am I so alone?”

Your Personality

6. Are you kind, gentle, peaceful, and non-aggressive-not just sometimes, but almost always?

7. Are you hurt, saddened, and confused by all the human evil and cruelty in the world?

8. Do you feel that money, possessions, and a successful career are not really that important?

9. Do you sometimes feel more comfortable with plants and animals than with people?

10. Are you generally sensitive, considerate, generous, and concerned about others around you?

Your Experiences

11. Have you felt different, out-of-place, or somewhat alienated from human society all your life?

12. Have you had dreams, visions, or sightings of UFOs that inspired real spiritual growth?

13. Have you had dramatic dreams of Earth changes, geological and social upheaval, the end of the world, or future civilization?

14. Are you logical, scientific, non-emotional, and somewhat confused by hot passion and desire?

15. Have you had a clear and uplifting contact with benevolent, kind, and highly-evolved ETs?

Your Interests

16. Are you interested in science fiction, epic fantasy, angels, high-technology, and world prophecy?

17. Are you interested in Atlantis, Lemuria, channeling, pyramids, New Age ideas and UFOs?

18. Are you interested in meditation, alternative healing, or bringing love and light to the world?

19. Do you believe human society is ignorant of the spiritual truths that you know to be true?

20. Do you have a strong sense of purpose and feel that your mission is to help Earth and humanity?

Scoring Your ET Identity

For each YES answer, give yourself 5 points and then total your score.

(For every “somewhat” answer, give yourself 3 points.)

100-75 points:

In my view, you definitely are an ET soul, but perhaps you are not surprised!

75-25 points:

You may or may not be a Star Person, and you need more reflection to know for sure.

25-00 points:

You probably are not an ET soul, but why are you interested in these matters? [15]

Am I a wanderer? One young soul answers in the affirmative:

Wanderer am I.
A misfit, perpetual freelancer in someone else’s world.
They know I am not one of them,
Though I appear to be,
Not one among them
I Am,
My brothers know
Through the eyes of their beliefs
They see not me
As in a mirror
One knows the image is not being.
For the image has no beating heart
That moves as soul through time.
So I am not one of them,
The image in the astral mirror of time
My brothers search for
And believe.
So I wander, surprised daily
For my persistence to exist here
Where I wander searching, observing,
Hopefully becoming
That part of me no one knows,
Including myself.
Wandering has its gifts,
Moments turn to bliss
In all too rare connections.
Where are the other parts
Of me That I am
That I may meet
In moments of the sweet
Remembrance embracing celebrations,
Licking flames of wanderings
Flickering in this place of motion,
The merry-go-round too swift
To remember the faces passing
In the night of longing.[16]

We are wanderers who long for something we cannot find, but we sense exists. Whether we style ourselves as ETs or Earth natives, we are those who have awakened spiritually to wander in search of our source and ending. We have awakened to the beauty and the high principles of unity, service and love, and we are searching for ways to bring these elements into our everyday life. For us, it is not an idle matter to try and improve the quality of our lives. It is essential. If we try to follow the ways of the world, we will have a great deal of difficulty having a decent life experience, and sometimes even have trouble surviving.

PARANORMAL EXPERIENCES

It seems that many wanderers are brought to awakening by paranormal and UFO experiences. Jung felt that UFOs were either images projected forth by our group archetypical mind, which theory would harmonize well with the theory of the cluster of events’ function as awakener and activator of deeper identity, or that they were projections onto real objects of these archetypes. In the latter case, which I believe as accurate as the first, I do feel that UFOs are in some cases real, physical objects. However the majority of UFO experiences, and the totality of dream or paranormal UFO experiences, are those in which the ETs involved are positively polarized, and have the intention of helping the Earth metaphysically at this time. Many wanderers, for whatever reason, do have experiences during their awakening process. Those of Latwii, the fifth-density Confederation source and speaker of the principle of Q’uo, talks about why so many wanderers have these experiences:

It is our perception that the vibration of change of the atomic structure of your illusion has indeed made the transition to what is called variously the New Age, the Age of Aquarius, or the density of love. Due to this transfiguration of the nature of your illusion, the what are normally called paranormal experiences are much more common upon your planet at this time, for it is the density of love and understanding in which you now reside, and it is the nature of this density to express itself through entities such as those upon your planet in a manner which utilizes the power of the mind to create, to communicate and to become one with its environment.[17]

Confederation sources frequently have said that we are already enjoying the first light of fourth density. This and many other communications of the same tenor lead me to feel that this shift into fourth density is not to take the form of a rapture, ascension or some apocryphal catastrophe, but is rather a process that has already begun and will continue for many years and even centuries to come. It is my personal opinion that paranormal and UFO events do sometimes have the intended function of awakening wanderers and activating Earth souls, and later in this chapter, we’ll look more at that aspect. But first, I would like to share some of the stories people have shared with me about the paranormal in general:

I had full awareness and I was still me, still unique in some way, but I was without body or form and I could see in all directions at the same time. I was a part of everything and everything was a part of me. When I remember looking into the vastness of space, it was as if I was looking at everything and nothing, all at the same time. Although I was left to myself to contemplate my new life (dilemma it felt more like) I was very much aware of the power, unity and knowledge that I was a part of. That everything that had life or energy was all part of the one. That although I didn’t know everything all I had to do was to form the question and the knowledge that had been learned or experienced would be shared with me. But first I had to evolve enough to ask the right questions.[18]

**

Over four years ago, in September of 1995, a voice began to emerge from me when I was painting in my studio. A week or so later it started coming out during meditation also. This voice is not in English, and I thought it sounded Asian. A couple months later I decided to record it, and I took the recording to the university to see if anyone could tell me what the language was. I talked to a professor of Chinese and also one of Japanese. Neither could identify it as their language and had no idea what it was. This voice continued coming through and still does, always during meditation and while I paint.[19]

**

My story begins in the late 1960s. I used to lecture about the new age teachings, and some deeper things that where either taught me or came to me. This round light about four to five inches [in diameter] was playing around the room and it went from the floor to the ceiling and all four walls. I thought it was someone with a flashlight outside and went to look. No one was anywhere around and no light source was found, so I went back inside and sat back down. I watched the light go around the room and under a chair, behind pictures and behind my chair. I thought, that’s strange. I never saw a light do that before. Then it sat on my shoulder and in an instant it was inside me and I saw a creature that looks close to those in Close Encounters of the Third Kind[20], the little ones. What happened next is a strange and mind-stretching event. I was taken to a place in space and was in the center of a transparent bubble, and could see in every direction at one time. I saw solar systems born and life begin and the whole process of a solar creation. I saw the life force and It saw me and smiled.[21]

To finish this section, here are two stories of paranormal oddities having to do with the physical body:

You asked regarding the soap opera about the triangular cuts on my hands and the ball beneath my skin. I was referring to August 22, 1986, when I awoke to find these signs of surgery on my hands, and a small, hard ball beneath the top skin on my left hand. I could make the ball move around by flexing my fingers. It disappeared, into my system, I guess in a few days, and the cuts/scrapes (in the same place on both hands, near thumbs) healed quickly.[22]

**

At the age of 25 I discovered a small bump on the bridge of my nose almost between my eyes that was painful. Thinking it was a large pimple I went to have a look in the mirror and was shocked at its shape. It was a sort of crescent shape and wasn’t a pimple at all. It seemed to be something stuck under my skin, so I reached up to feel it and just before I touched it, it shot like a flash up and into my head! It felt very strange and it moved as if it were alive.[23]

A wonderful soul who manifests as an elderly, energetic woman sent me this quotation from George Hunt Williamson’s Road In The Sky, as she felt it had relevance to her markings:

How can we identify or recognize a wanderer? It is not easily done. However, these space friends, who live and work with us daily, are identified by their brothers in the sky by certain body markings. These marks may take the form of scar tissue that has been present on the body from birth and thereby not acquired by any natural means, and they may take the form of unusual types of stigmata, not the religious type. The marks serve as a key of remembrance to the individuals they are located on. By thinking of these strange scars, the apple is immediately put into the right frame of mind and vibrations for lifting a memory veil.[24]

UFOS IN WAKING AND DREAM STATE

By now, hopefully, we may begin to feel that our own experiences are not so unusual! It is logical to assume that wanderers will have and will report UFO experiences. Certainly there are many wanderers whose experiences do not include visitations from UFOs, but both physical and metaphysical or dream UFOs are reported to me often. The following are representative of UFO dreams and visions, contacts I would call metaphysical, since there is no physical UFO seen in the conscious state:

I am 23 and a music student. I saw dreams in my childhood about spaceships landing on Earth or just hanging on the sky. I was talking to them.[25]

**

I was in a light to medium trance state, and I found myself “watching” an enormous cloud formation billowing up. It was massive and quite impressive. As I watched, two identical pyramid shapes emerged from the cloud bank, and hovered side by side above me. They were angled slightly, so I could see the bottom, as well as the sides of the structures or ships. I felt a rise in energy, and the pyramids began to glow with a brilliant light. The main source of the light seemed to come from the underside of each, although within minutes it appeared that the light was expanding outward from all angles. Prior to this event, I had been experiencing depression that I couldn’t account for, or understand. Immediately afterwards, the feelings of depression and semi-anxiety were gone, and have not returned. Also after the event, I received the impression that I had been initiated, and something had been passed on, or down, to me, that would be imparted to others at a later date.[26]

**

I was in my early thirties when I “awoke” quite suddenly and dramatically. I had been practicing transcendental meditation when I saw a spinning object. I didn’t understand what it was at first but when I came out of the meditation I realized that it was some sort of UFO. This confounded me, as UFOs were not a part of my consciousness at that time. Then a profound knowing overcame me and I thought, “Oh my God, this is not my home!” I could see a place, warm and dry, and very sandy, in my mind’s eye. I think there were two suns in the sky. It felt so peaceful and comfortable to me.[27]

A large percentage of the UFO events told to me are metaphysical. It would seem that the positively oriented or service-to-others UFO entities, such as the Confederation, have come to prefer the metaphysical or thought-form appearances over the physical ones, because of free will issues. In my opinion, the majority, though perhaps not all, of the physical sightings at close range are either of confused and mixed vibration contact, or are negative contacts; that is, contact by service-to-self species such as the much written about grays. Here are some positive UFO tales:

When I was twelve years old I prayed to see some flying saucers and a few weeks later while I was waiting against a pole on the school ground during recess I looked over my shoulder and saw twenty metallic, concave on the bottom, dark spot in the center, spacecraft flying by me in military review formation.[28]

**

As a young teen I began to see people walking through my bedroom walls, and when I told my folks about it, they had me put into Norton’s Hospital for a full year. It was there that I saw a ship that hovered at the top floor and seemed to cover a full city block. I could see the people inside of it looking straight at us! We were all rushed into our rooms and locked down, and doctors came to speak to all of us to see what had happened. No one seemed to remember exactly what happened except me, but even I forgot this until about a year or so ago. Then while watching a program on UFOs, I remembered it in great detail.[29]

**

Before the close encounter experience described herein, I had had two previous UFO sightings at a distance, which affected me very deeply. These two experiences became a catalyst for me to study whatever material I could get my hands on regarding the subject of UFOs and related paranormal phenomena. I have studied the UFO phenomena for about 30 years. Before having the aforementioned experience in 1975, I do not recall reading anything in particular about luminous red orbs. If I were to have developed some deep desire to see a UFO, I would have had the image in my mind of the classic disc-shaped dull metallic variety of UFO, not a globe-shaped craft. The lenticular type of craft is what has always fascinated me. I believe there is some sort of mental connection associated with these phenomena.[30]

Ask around nowadays about aliens and we will find a culturally settled feeling that they are real, and they are here. Naturally, the story is confused. There is no common experience of aliens walking among us. They don’t board the bus and tip their hats to us. But television and movie scripts assume some version of alien presence to be true, and little green advertising toons flog beer in commercials. So the culture has a rather deep acceptance factor about ETs, while maintaining a joking and rather derisive attitude to people who have experienced or maintain the truth of a real and happening UFO and ET presence, in real time, right now. I expect this will always be the case. The positively oriented Confederation entities state that they are not able to land among us without infringing upon our free will, which they carefully avoid doing, in true Star Trek style. Negatively oriented UFO entities are not nearly so trammeled by ethical considerations, and do abridge the free will of UFO experiencers all the time. But still, they can only be as present as their calling by negatively oriented Earth humans, just as positively oriented outer presences are limited in their presence in the Earth’s inner planes by their calling by positively polarized Earth seekers. They cannot just land en masse. Further, when new evidence is tortured into the light, it generally suggests continuing collusion between existing Earth power structures and alien races involving schemes they very much do not want made public and incredibly dramatic apocalypses of nature and man to boot. The theories vary. My favorite is one sometimes called The Emerald Tablets. It ranks tops for elegance and style. However, conspiracies in common demand secrecy, by their nature. This factor also would drastically reduce the acceptability of UFO presence and ETs among us being acknowledged. What decent conspiracy could thrive, or illicit trade of whatever kind prosper, in an atmosphere of total knowledge? Without wanting, at this point in my life, to know which version of the myriad sub-species of conspiracy theories is the most accurate, I feel that some version of them may well be true. Have there not been forces always tying to control money and power in society? Do not such forces, once successful, start caching money and information? Would not the more successful tend to endure? And in times perceived as apocalyptic, would not such forces risk much to defend private or perceived charitable or public interests, for their or our own good? Further, without attempting to prove which races are here for what agendas, I acknowledge that there are alien presences here. I specify only that I feel that these forces, whatever their agreements with our Earth, are negatively polarized, and that they come from planets whose path of seeking is negatively polarized. I do not pursue this area of physical cases with my former assiduity because I have found no personal metaphysical interest in anything those ETs are reported to have said. The physical UFOs that leave dents in the ground when they land are usually not positively polarized in terms of the orientation of the ETs aboard. However, most of the public awareness of these ETs is of those whom the Confederation sources have called Orion, or the Orion Empire. Now, what is that, and how does it differ from the “love and light” Confederation? Don Elkins asks about positive UFO contacts here:

QUESTIONER: Can you tell me of the various techniques used by the service-to-others positively oriented Confederation contacts with the people of this planet, the various forms and techniques of making contact?[31]

Those of Ra reply:

RA: I am Ra. The most efficient mode of contact is that which you experience at this space/time. The infringement upon free will is greatly undesired. Therefore, those entities which are wanderers upon your plane of illusion will be the only subjects for the thought projections which make up the so-called “Close Encounters” and meetings between positively oriented social memory complexes and wanderers.[32]

The “mode” which we were experiencing was channeled telepathic contact through a human instrument, in this case, myself. This method of contact does not infringe upon free will at all, there being no hope of proof of such a contact. However, channeled contact is not the only positive UFO contact possibility. The Ra group also explained that sometimes, a seemingly physical UFO experience involves someone who has the expectation of being taken on board and examined:

QUESTIONER: I have become aware of a very large variation in the contact with individuals. Could you give me general examples of the methods used by the Confederation to awaken or partially awaken the wanderers they contact?

RA: I am Ra. The methods used to awaken wanderers are varied. The center of each approach is the entrance into the conscious and subconscious in such a way as to avoid causing fear and to maximize the potential for an understandable, subjective experience which has meaning for the entity. Many such occur in sleep, others in the midst of many activities during the waking hours. The approach is flexible and does not necessarily include the Close Encounter syndrome, as you are aware.

QUESTIONER: What about the physical examination syndrome? How does that relate to wanderers and Confederation and Orion contacts?

RA: I am Ra. The subconscious expectations of entities cause the nature and detail of thought-form experience offered by Confederation thought-form entities. Thus, if a wanderer expects a physical examination, it will, perforce, be experienced with as little distortion towards alarm or discomfort as is allowable by the nature of the expectations of the subconscious distortions of the wanderer. … The Orion group uses the physical examination as a means of terrifying the individual and causing it to feel the feelings of an advanced second-density being such as a laboratory animal. The sexual experiences of some are a sub-type of this experience. The intent is to demonstrate the control of the Orion entities over the Terran inhabitant. The [positive] thought-form experiences are subjective and, for the most part, do not occur in this density.[33]

The Ra speak specifically of the point or function of positively oriented UFO contact:

The feeling of being awakened or activated is the goal of this type of contact. The duration and imagery used varies depending upon the subconscious expectations of the wanderer which is experiencing this opportunity for activation.[34]

And here they speak of what the mechanics of mixed contact are:

QUESTIONER: Are most of the UFOs which are seen in our skies from the Orion group?

RA: I am Ra. Many of those seen in your skies are of the Orion group. They send out messages. Some are received by those who are oriented toward service to others. These messages then are altered to be acceptable to those entities while warning of difficulties ahead. This is the most that self-serving entities can do when faced with those whose wish is to serve others. The contacts which the group finds most helpful to their cause are those contacts made with entities whose orientation is towards service to self. There are many thought-form entities in your skies which are of a positive nature and are the projections of the Confederation.[35]

Orion is a constellation in the night sky that contains the first magnitude stars of Rigel and Betelgeuse. There well may be efforts at positive contact from these star systems’ populations, but Orion contact has come to mean negative contact, and we will use it that way. Information on Orion contact has been channeled by Laura Knight-Jadzyk, author of The Cassiopaeans, who wrote this to me:

There is a big effort on behalf of Orion Union Service to Self (STS) and their human brethren, the Consortium, to create a new race and control it as well as the rest of humanity. They are also engineering new bodies for themselves to occupy at the time of the transition to fourth density because theirs no longer satisfy them. The cloning and stealing of human embryos is a study to determine which is [the] best soul receptacle for themselves. They plan to switch physical realities.[36]

That’s one theory! There are more! My own feeling is that we will continue to receive as much disinformation as information, and I salute the inevitability of unknowing! In our own research we have often run into stories that seem to suggest this theory that the grays are after genetic material. Everything from cattle mutilations to human women reporting the conception and birth of alien “air” babies, where the signs of pregnancy are there, including fetal heartbeat, and then after about three months, all symptoms disappear, seem to bear this theory out. However, this is all hypothesis, not fact, Whitley Strieber’s and others’ books notwithstanding. Here are two such stories:

Suddenly I woke up on their ship surrounded by them (grays). I pleaded the blood of Jesus and they really were surprised! Then I was calmed and one of them approached me. I told him I knew about “The One.” That was all I remembered.[37]

**

After going thru the abductee checklist, I believe both my son and my boyfriend have also been contacted. Unexplainable blood stains on the bedcovers, my sleep paralysis at times, the uneasy sleep that they both get, unexplained bruises on all of us. There is something deep within my psyche that will not let me remember a lot of these things.[38]

The aim of this first section is to share enough stories to let readers see that they truly are not the only ones having bizarre and unusual (from the standpoint of consensus reality) things happen to them. If we haven’t hit your particular sort of experience yet, read on! There are more!

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Almost all wanderers’ experience of daily life is one which includes many feelings of being alone. The mismatch between the self and the more “normal” members of our culture is often all too evident. Perhaps that is why there is so much effort by unseen friends to make and maintain contact. Here Q’uo speaks on this point:

We assure each that we walk with you on this journey and that no entity walks alone, for each has those friends, teachers and guides that walk with it as do those brothers and sisters within your own illusion walk with each in spirit.[39]

Here are two tales of wanderers being befriended by human-like beings:

It started about five or six years ago. All my normal dreams stopped and I saw this form of a man. Every night he showed me things. I saw all my lives. Who I am. He has taught me balance with most things. I love people much more now. Almost everything they do will make me smile. It’s like I have a secret.[40]

**

I was always an oddity. Born in the south with a Native American background, the unusual became a way of life. By the time I was three or four, I had experienced so-called “abduction” experiences. I did not see them as a negative. They were my friends, my playmates. Contact has continued in one form or another over the years. Sometimes it still gets very intense.[41]

I imagine that the unusual is a way of life for many of us, at least from time to time! These voices of spirit do not have the timbre and sound of spoken communication all the time. Here Q’uo talks about these voices:

The voice of spirit seems to speak in so many ways to one who is listening, and the more one begins to attend to coincidences and synchronicities, the more one begins to get a feeling of spirit talking back to you, that unseen companion that is willing to place within the consciousness alternate ways of being. This is work for the persistent, for, indeed, it is the work of the incarnation, not a work done in a day, or a year, or a decade, but rather that goal of self-awareness and self-choice that is as the star that each follows.[42]

More voices:

As a child I would see spirits, talk with them. My friends were the trees, the animals, the sky, the stars, and the earth. Since I can remember I have always been in communication with the spirit world. Since I was a child I could see apparitions and communicate with them, ETs, animals, etc. I still can and do though sometimes the spirits only appear in colors. I get messages from them. And comfort.[43]

**

I was about twelve years old, reading There Is A River, about Edgar Cayce. Voices in my head were telling me information of a similar nature to that which Cayce channeled. I knew the answers after I read questions that people in the book supposedly asked Cayce. I have since realized most twelve-year-olds do not crave metaphysics as I did at that point. I feel fortunate because I can “prove” metaphysical contact. By this I mean up until 12 or 13 I received average grades in school. Then in seventh grade my mind exploded because then school work became a lot easier. I would say the more complicated subjects especially such as mathematics. I am a statistician by vocation today.[44]

Oh, would that more school children might get such needed aid in such a timely manner! More and more children are being born with unusual awarenesses. Then there are angelic visitations. I realize that the word, “angel,” has emotive content, positive for those who do not object to this culturally charged image, negative for those who do. Yet, by whatever name these essences are called, this is an important sub-type of voice, often reported, because of the permeation of the culture with this set of images. In my own channeling, this image appears fairly frequently. Call them what we will, they are a mighty force. Here, those of Q’uo say:

There is much unseen support for work in consciousness, for prayers, and for a life lived in faith. We ask you to lean into that support. This instrument would call it angelic support and say that there are angels everywhere. Other entities would describe this far differently, but the concept remains the same. There is guidance. There is help, for the Creator is constantly communicating to you using everything: nature, the environment, other people, coincidences. Be alert. Begin to see the spiritually interesting coincidences and you shall be much encouraged thereby.[45]

I love that phrase, “spiritually interesting coincidences.” Once we catch on to looking for them, they are literally everywhere. More about those in later chapters.

Two angel stories from wanderers:

At the age of two … I first heard my guardian angel. I was most of the way up our basement steps with my pup in hand when a deep male voice said quite audibly in my right ear, “Put the puppy down. You’re going to fall.” I remember turning around and pondering where on Earth that voice came from. I didn’t listen though and, yes, I ended up at the bottom of the stairs. I have heard that same voice at various times throughout my life giving warning, although I was 16 before I realized it was time I started to listen, and he has never been wrong.[46]

**

When I was about 18 months old, I saw this “angel,” who had come to see me, I suppose, and although I did not recognize him as someone from the village, I did know him from somewhere. He looked like Michael Jackson, heaven forbid, with this long black and curly hair staring at me with deep blue eyes, almost violet in color, big flowery irises, and he seemed to be shocked. I heard him thinking: “My God, what have you done!” And he was thinking about waves of sadness lying ahead (of me, but still, it was making him sad). I can’t really say that I understood what was going on. And then he kneeled down and caressed my cheek, still looking at me and I looking at him, trying to take it all in and then he stood and turned and walked away and I followed suit and, once in the garden, a billowing mist stood over the pumpkin patch, green, like a bow it stood and descended to Earth and he walked into it and the next moment he was gone with the mist![47]

Perhaps the best angel story I ever heard came from a young woman, so long ago I cannot recall her name. I do remember that she had five children very close in age, the oldest being seven. They told her about this nice man that would come to them when they were in bed, and tell them stories till they went to sleep. One Saturday morning she awoke, realizing that it was already broad daylight and her children must be up and hungry. Wondering why they had not awakened her as they normally did, she went to the kitchen, only to find the remains of an eggs and bacon breakfast on the table, and five satisfied toddlers. They excitedly reported that their friend had asked them to let their Mom sleep in, while he fixed them breakfast. She said that she would have doubted them, or even dismissed it completely, except for the dirty frying pan and the leftover food on the children’s plates! To finish this section, here is a story of an alien voice:

There have been times when I needed reassurance that I was not just crazy. I asked “the friends” to show themselves in a material way. They agreed. This is something that I will not ask again. The experience of seeing them was incredibly beautiful and traumatic. Asking fourth-density beings to materialize is something I recommend against, unless you are comfortable with your reality being ripped away.[48]

Those of Q’uo bid this section good-bye as they say:

Sorrow is essential to this experience that you call third-density life. But your attitude towards this sorrowing, grieving and changing process can create for you a peace that surpasses all understanding. We encourage each of you to see that heaven, even if it is from afar, to know that the angels and ministers that have always loved you, love you now and are here to help you. Though unseen they hover, waiting to comfort, looking for ways to confirm any glimmer of hope within. You are never alone in this process. This is a guarded and protected process, and the haven does abide. May each of you help each other to find your way home.[49]

NOT BELONGING

As a wanderer, I am less psychic than most, except for my channeling, which did not spring up spontaneously, but was a response to a request from Don Elkins that I develop that gift. In terms of UFO or paranormal sightings or any of the various voices we’ve heard from, I am without experience, thick as a plank. But I really fit in as a wanderer in how much I do not fit in with the world. Boy, oh brother, do I not fit in. I am told I was a happy baby, a bubbly toddler and always a gay and light child. That is the person my family knew. Actually, for the first two years of my life, I only knew my mother, as my dad had gone to the South Pacific two months after I was conceived, and did not return until three years later. For the first year, Mother and I lived with her parents, and my first memories are of Nana, my mother’s mother, teaching the piano to students in the next room while I sat up in my high chair. I was a precocious child, reading music at two and words at three, singing in the church choir when I was four, running off the IQ scale at 200 when I was tested at age five, and again at age eight. Please note that this precocity or “genius” IQ does not, in my opinion, speak to the question of adult competence or true intelligence. It merely ensures that I have a very busy mind that processes a lot of material. This is not a particularly handy trait, but I share high intelligence with many, many awakened spiritual seekers. Wanderers tend to be smart.

To make the sense of difference deeper, I was physically odd looking, skinny, with a badly crossed eye which had been with me since birth and which remained daffy until my body grew old enough that the eye muscles could be operated on at age eleven. I wore glasses from the age of 14 months. Other children did not relate to me as a fellow child. My nickname at school was “Professor.” I earnestly wished I could fit in. I made efforts. My problem was that the “normal” activities made no sense to me. Why would I want to play with a doll? I had a little brother! I made repeated tries at playing with other children, but I was rebuffed, always. For the most part I read countless books, spent solitary time in nature and dreamed my way through an otherwise most uncomfortable childhood. I made sense to myself, and to some extent my family accepted me, but they knew I was different, and so did the world.

Things turned around for me when I was sixteen, going on seventeen. It was as if suddenly, the rest of the people my age could see some kind of sense to me. From that point on, my experience with the world of people has been much, much less disconcerting, but there remains a distance that I do not know how to bridge between me and the cultural games by which people figure out the pecking order and defend territory. I have come to know when those games are going on, because I can feel the discomfort in the atmosphere. But at no time have I been able to penetrate the games. I am without a hint or shadow of what it means to be normal. This does have its up-side, and I have come to celebrate being myself. But learning to accept myself was a long road filled with ruts of self-unworth and pain. And I know I am not at all alone, for many have written in to share their feelings of not belonging. Hatonn says:

We are very pleased that so many of those who came to the Earth sphere during this time have remembered or are beginning subconsciously to remember why they came, for it is very usual in such cases for at least nine out of ten of these incarnated extra-dimensional people to forget for their entire incarnation why it is that they have such a feeling of not belonging, why it is that they do not fit in, why it is that their natures seem so often at odds with society.[50]

I promise we will get to working with the “why” of this. For now, my aim is to acquaint us with the many other wanderers who, like us, do not seem to fit in. Here are two wanderers whose feelings of not belonging surfaced as a child:

I have known what I was seemingly forever. As a small child, I knew something was different. I grew up with few friends, and always associated myself with being “too” something, too tall, too smart, too fat, too loud; not quite in social parameters, too often on the outside looking in, with an eye that was far above my years, as many said. And in being different that young, you can imagine, for children are often cruel to those who are different. And eventually I learned to hide it away and put on the appearance of “normal.”[51]

**

My mother tells me I’ve always been very different. I was not rebellious or rude, but just acted and behaved differently. People and friends always told me I was strange or weird, from the things I say. I never liked groups or being in a crowd of people like at a party.[52]

I can sympathize there: I still avoid large or formal parties.

School was difficult for me, because I was quicker than most students, which my teachers found troubling. They also tended to take behavior like correcting their mistakes and attempting to tutor slower students who sat near me as misbehavior. I spent half of third grade and all of fourth grade in the school library, as the teacher I had for those two years became unable to abide having me in her class. I consumed the contents of most of the books in that library, by the way, and thoroughly enjoyed that period in my life. Here is another soul who found school to be her first focus of not belonging:

As a child, I used to cry every single day. I mean, if someone looked at me wrong, it would set me to tears. I used to drive my parents nuts. I moved to New Hampshire back in 1979 when I was only nine, from a large school to a small one, and immediately I was an outsider, and boy oh boy, how I was attacked and picked on. I never fit in. It’s like how animals, if they sense a weakness or difference, they attack and kill. That’s how it was for me through school. Today, 20 years later, I’m comfortable with the fact that no, I do not fit in.[53]

Some wanderers report the feeling of being an outsider as first focusing as a teenager:

Finding normal group socialization awkward and often meaningless in content I was partially given and partially reached for the role of outsider from the beginning of my teens. Escapism was into fantasy and science-fiction.[54]

I inhaled science fiction and fantasy also, from about the age of fourteen, and still love that genre. Here are two stories about being different as adults:

I used to think difficulties I had in life were just mere reflections of everyone’s life. That is, all humans, at one time or another, have difficulties in living, but I’ve come to realize that my difficulties arise from a fundamental difference in thought. I’ve yet to meet anyone who holds any of my ideals or basic life beliefs. Most of the time I feel like I’m on the outside of a bubble looking in at the rest of humanity, unable to understand or commune with them; and there’s no way to break or enter that bubble. Most of the time I don’t even feel human, although I can’t deny my human physiology.[55]

**

I’ve often wondered if I’m a wanderer since I’ve never felt very much at home or comfortable here, there, or anywhere. Is that a wanderer??? Very difficult life. I’m 67, a Ph.D., editor, college professor, etc. But there’s a void, a feeling of having been abandoned. Not connected to life like other people are. But by whom? Why? These are very great and important questions for me. Are there answers? No. Are there solutions?? Perhaps.[56]

And these voices speak to me with a special flavor also:

I am not certain who or what I am. One thing is certain: I have never felt as if I belong. Many of my contemporaries have stated behind my back that I am a strange one, that I am different. Well, the only thing I am certain of is that I am very different and have felt this difference all my life. I have always felt alone on this planet among the multitudes. Many times I have asked the universe, “Why am I so different.”[57]

**

Even though I have always felt different from others, I have always accepted myself as I am. Sometimes I wondered why I was the way I was. No answer, of course. I wasn’t awake then. Now that I am awake, I don’t mind the feeling of differentness. I look on it as a reminder that my spirit is evolving and I do so look forward to reaching the next spiritual level.[58]

NOT FROM AROUND HERE!

Lots of wanderers have far more than a vague suspicion that they don’t come from around here. Q’uo talks about this:

We are aware of the feeling that many entities within this planetary influence experience, of being away from home, and may suggest that there are many, many entities upon this planet that have journeyed here from elsewhere, that is, from another planetary influence. You are not all of one source or origination as far as progression from a second-density influence into the third density, and this accounts for much of the difficulty in relationships between societies, nationalities, races, religions and so forth upon your planetary influence.[59]

So it is not only entities from higher densities that have come to planet Earth from elsewhere. Many times, Confederation entities talk about the various unfinished third-density populations, such as Mars and Maldek, who entered reincarnation cycles on Earth in order to finish third-density lessons of love that they were unable to fulfill on their native spheres because their planets became inhospitable to third-density life. This sentiment is echoed by Norma Talvik:

The way I see it, we are all from someplace else, or I could say we are all cosmic beings.[60]

But we who are wanderers from higher densities have characteristic types of homesickness. As Q’uo puts it:

These entities, however, have within them the distant and dimly lit memory of their origin as being from elsewhere, and in many cases this feeling is in the form of what you may call a kind of homesickness or alienation from the planetary influences and vibrations that are of a more disharmonious nature within this third-density influence. However, each entity in the heart of its being is aware that, though there is a home that may be located elsewhere, the true home of all seekers of light and servants of the one Creator is within that service and within that light that comes from only one source, the one Creator, and each may take solace in knowing that the Creator resides within each entity and shines the light of love and service to all equally.[61]

I can well remember meeting Don Elkins, and feeling that he knew everything I was thinking. It was a wonderful, homey kind of feeling. No explanations needed! Some wanderers have deeply awakened and can read us clearly, and it is a marvelous feeling. However, to counterbalance this, there are many who may fear that some who came here as wanderers will not awaken to their deeper identity:

My guidance is that many more of us were seeded here than were actually needed in the end, because it was known that not all of us would make it through. The parable about the sowing of the seed says it well. I feel I barely made it myself, and only by the slimmest of threads.[62]

So to those of us who have remembered enough to be reading this volume, the Q’uo group says:

As wanderers you came for two reasons: to serve and to be tested. If there is comfort in knowing that the path that is in front of each now is the appropriate, destined path designed by yourself, then please take comfort in that. There is always, in the illusion, the feeling that to be without the heavy body and heavy experiences of third density would be greatly desired. Yet, as soon as the incarnation is naturally over, the seeking spirit gazes backwards and thinks, “Why did I not learn more? What a great opportunity!”[63]

Let’s listen to some wanderers who remember other planetary homes:

I was eight when I told everyone that I was from Venus, and I believed it. I couldn’t explain it satisfactorily to myself or anyone else, but I was sure of it.[64]

**

I am in love with the blue star, Sirius. It is my home, I feel. And my mind goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, nut case.[65]

**

I know that I am not from planet Earth and that I came here via Sirius, but from where I do not know. I am a Reiki Master and enjoy my work in the healing arts, but I never charge for my services.[66]

For many wanderers, such as these below, the stars themselves triggered homesickness:

I think I have always known I was “star people” even before I knew the words or understood the concepts. I remember lying in the grass on summer nights, looking at the stars and feeling a deep and sorrowful homesickness.[67]

**

Always wanted to leave this planet, this life. Always thinking about life on other planets, always longing to fly among the stars.[68]

Many wanderers are triggered by that wonderful word itself: “home”:

At one point, I too had a very strong longing to go “home.” I recognized it, and I said it to a friend. But I didn’t really understood what I meant, ’cause all of the homes I knew in this life didn’t seem to be where I wanted to go.[69]

**

The themes of my dreams were of distant lands and realities, such as looking down from a ridge over a valley of pristine woods in a country before any civilization, weeping and thinking, “I want to go home.” The depth of sorrow and homesickness that I felt in the dream was immense.[70]

**

As a very young child, I would look at the sky and wonder why I was here, why I couldn’t go home. But I knew I had a lesson to learn here and a job to do. I have never felt at home here but I do appreciate the beauty that exists on this planet.[71]

These memories of elsewhere can be faint, yet telling:

What I haven’t told her is something else I’ve never spoken of:: that ever since childhood I’ve had a memory of some other place/time/life that has always been just out of reach of recall; but as faint and as tantalizing as it’s been, the emotions connected with it are far stronger and more meaningful than any others I’ve experienced in this life. During the past few months those images have taken on a greater strength and clarity, though I still cannot bring them into the full light of consciousness.[72]

**

I’ll try to be brief and try to find the words to describe something that is really indescribable within the confines of the human language today. This “memory/experience” is still as vivid today as it was when it happened. It shapes and molds who I am and everything I believe in. It still continues to be more real to me to this day than the actual physical world is around me.[73]

Thomas Wright finishes this section with a wry and unsettling thought:

I think we all wonder what home we really come from. But maybe more important: if we could go back, would we feel the familiar comfort, or would we be a stranger because of our new experiences? Would it be possible to feel the same now about home? Could we be happy and at peace with “home”? Think about it. Perhaps, once chosen, the path of a wanderer must always lead away, never toward, home. Contentment may be the price one pays, for adventure and wonder.[74]

 

[8] 082, letter dated September 28, 1998.

[9] Joseph Ciba, letter dated September 22, 1998.

[10] Friend, A., letter dated August 9, 1998.

[11] Mary, letter dated May 14, 1997.

[12] 093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[13]  Scott Mandelker, From Elsewhere: Being E.T. In America. New York, NY: Birch Lane Press, [c1995].

[14] Scott Mandelker, Universal Vision: Soul Evolution And The Cosmic Plan. Blue Hill, ME: Medicine Bear Publishing, [c2000].

[15] ibid., pp. 283-5.

[16] John J. Falone, letter dated August 15, 1999.

[17] Latwii, transcript dated May 29, 1983, p. 12.

[18] 093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[19]131, letter dated October 11, 1997.

[20] A Stephen Spielberg movie about UFO experiences.

[21] CB, letter dated November 1, 1999.

[22]484, letter dated October 29, 1996.

[23] 149, letter dated July 18, 1999.

[24] 021, letter dated November 1, 1987.

[25] Baysal Atalay, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[26] Orann, letter dated July 13, 1998.

[27] 277, letter dated January 16, 1997.

[28] Kent R. Meyer, letter dated October 6, 1998.

[29] 149, letter dated July 18, 1999.

[30] Michael Estes, letter dated October 23, 1998.

[31] Elkins, Donald T., Carla L. Rueckert and Jim McCarty, The Law Of One, Book III, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [c1982], p. 18.

[32] ibid., p. 19.

[33] Law Of One, Book I, pp. 223-224.

[34] Law Of One, Book III, p. 19.

[35] Law Of One, Book I, p. 124.

[36] Laura Knight-Jadzyk, http://www.cassiopaea.org, letter dated January 1, 1998.

[37] 162, letter dated November 9, 1998.

[38] 191, letter dated October 29, 1998.

[39] Q’uo, transcript dated September 18, 1994., p. 7.

[40] Beverly Creamer, letter dated October 1, 1994.

[41] Astria, letter dated August 19, 1999.

[42] Q’uo, transcript dated November 15, 1998, p. 4.

[43] CristeL Rose, letter dated July 27, 1994.

[44] Kevin Sutton, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[45] Q’uo, transcript dated May 24, 1998, p. 7.

[46] 093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[47] 235, letter dated September 28, 1999.

[48] Ed Wiegel, letter dated November 27, 1996.

[49] Q’uo, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 5.

[50] Hatonn, transcript dated August 2, 1979, p. 5.

[51] Barbara, letter dated November 9, 1996.

[52] Frances, letter dated November 20, 1996.

[53] Gypsee, letter dated October 10, 1997.

[54] Bjorn from Denmark, letter dated March 5, 1999

[55] Brisis, letter dated February 13, 1998.

[56] Silver Sullivan, letter dated August 20, 1998.

[57] Zub, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[58] Mary, letter dated May 5, 1997.

[59] Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 6.

[60] Norma Talvik, letter dated August 11, 1998.

[61] Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992., p. 7.

[62] Lyara, letter dated January 29, 1998.

[63] Q’uo, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 3.

[64] Catt Foy, letter dated August 18, 1997.

[65] Mira Ellison, letter dated May 31, 1999.

[66] Norma Talvik, letter dated June 12, 1998.

[67] Catt Foy, letter dated August 18, 1997.

[68] Martin Leduc, letter dated May 21, 1997.

[69] Lance, letter dated November 8, 1999.

[70] 292, letter dated December 29, 1996.

[71] 264, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[72] 001, letter dated July 15, 1997.

[73] 093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[74] Thomas Wright, letter dated July 21, 1994.

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