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Carla’s Niche
Camelot Journal
Copyright © 2006 Carla L. Rueckert
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
The discomfort I experienced on the trip home blossomed into real illness suddenly and acutely the evening we arrived home. I lived out the Shaman’s Death, literally lying in my own excrement that night for about half an hour before Jim found me fainted on the bathroom floor. Now, days later, I am still barely able to take coherent thought. I have been quite ill! Symptoms in stomach and abdomen escalated into severe cramping and dizziness. At about 9 PM on the 29th, Jim having gone downstairs for the Gaia Meditation, lying upon my bed, I felt myself suddenly and desperately needing to move my bowels and I started for the bathroom, but did not quite make it. I felt myself going black and got safely down to the tiles before passing out completely, my body voiding helplessly. This was before I could get unclothed and on to the throne, and when Jim awoke me, I was in an incredible mess.
Jim found me peacefully “out” and realized my situation. Very gently and slowly, he got me undressed and into the shower so he could help me wash off the seemingly endless supply of fecal material I had purged involuntarily while “out.” He got me all clean again and into a clean nightgown. I kept fainting all night as I made trips to purge. Jim was right there to see me through each bout of illness, which soon included both my ends purging at once. It was just fortunate for me that I had not eaten much! The seemingly endless marathon of purging sickness lasted the night, with Jim walking me to the bathroom again and again. Such is St. James’ nature that he kept saying to me, “Ruck, it is such a blessing to have you here with me.” He never complained once, though I kept him up all night.
And what a blessing to me that this part had waited until Mick was here to help! This would be too much for Vara! Jim had physically supported my body to and from the bathroom all night, with me fainting en route. I kept feeling the most profound gratitude. It had been a close call, but I was home, safe, though not so sound! Nothing to do but BE and mend.
Saturday, July 9, 2005
The next morning, June 30, Vara drove me to the emergency room for a daylong bout with IV rehydration and medicines to stop to flow of illness. She stayed with me, phoning Mick periodically, keeping him informed of my state. I continued to find myself having to plan trips to the bathroom in stages to avoid fainting. With the passage of more than a week now, I am gradually getting better. However today, July 9, more than a week after arriving home, I am still very dim-minded, with blood pressure kept dangerously low by the unceasing purging of my lower body.
The next day I visited my regular doctor to make sure I am doing my best for this dear body, which has so valiantly gotten me there and back again! And again the day after that, I went back for more tests and to schedule rehabilitation for next week.
I embrace this whole process. Being is definitely the order of the day. I have certainly lacked comfort these last few days. The very trauma, however, tells me that Vara and I were on the right track to go haring about Britain talking about living the Law of One. We shall continue, she, I, and all of us at L/L Research. All for One! Blessed be the woman with good work to do! I look ahead with all eagerness!
As for my teach/learning sessions for the Ranger Gathering, I still hope to be able to share, but since I am not able to get to Avalon, the Rangers shall need to come to me. I have no way to prepare material, but that does not worry me in the least, though of course I would have preferred to have specific materials for them to read to go along with what I have to say. Teaching is so greatly a matter of being present with one’s message and materials that I have no fears. I am very present! Vara has worked hard to clear all our bookkeeping and has succeeded at long last in making it up to Avalon to help prepare for the Rangers. Jim and Gary are also up there today, mowing the pasture, raising the big tent, setting up for the Gathering and welcoming Blue Eagle, the leader of the Rangers, who drove in yesterday.
As of this writing, I am still quite ill, purging continuously. I can see no progress in clearing my symptoms and am dutifully drinking Gatorade and Ensure to keep up my body’s strength while it seeks to balance this current illness back into health. This represents my lowest physical ebb since 1992. It may take me a while to regain wellness. But it shall happen in good time, and meanwhile I know I am safe within this cocoon of dizziness and illness, finding my way back to health. On my list, along with contacts to make and things to do when I can, is a serious re-evaluation of all future teach/learning travel. Clearly I need to offer no more than one event per week when “on the road” and to care carefully for my body’s needs throughout all travel times.
Doing too much and loving every minute of it has been my trademark, and indeed has become a standing joke around this little band of dreamers of our impossible dreams at L/L Research. It stopped being funny about ten days ago. I vow to do better for myself. I vow to protect this package of body, mind and spirit, in order that I may last longer into fourth density and keep talking to all who care to ask me! I pledge every breath of this body to living and being the Law of One. That Law is unconditional Love.
I look back on this trip and its aftermath to thank Pu and Peter, Ian Bond, Jim Kent, Sue Brians, Jill Smith and Vuyiswa Joy, who arranged our talks in Britain and set us up with recording equipment and most of all to thank Vara for her exquisite care of and for me throughout the journey, and Mick, who has been right at hand day and night when needed since I got home. I thank Holly for constant help and advice, St. Patrick for making crooked roads straight and finding signs whenever asked and all angels, archangels and ministers for standing with us as we stood for the light. I honestly believe we anchored some good fourth-density light into our planet as we talked about the Law of One on this journey and we shall continue to do that with this Ranger gathering and when in August we come together very consciously to create such a focus group at Wooded Glen. And meanwhile, I am learning daily more of how to BE love, never reaching or attempting, but knowing I am there already and have only to rest in Love.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this journal. Please do give us feedback on all the various points we cover in this log of Love and Light. Together we shall bring4th a new paradigm, a new age, a new planet. May we have the most fun in serving the One together!
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