camelot_2005

The early morning was spent with some e-mail and work on my part to confirm some channeling and counseling appointments where I had not heard back from clients. Gary, Vara and I had a planning meeting to debrief and retro-critique the Wooded Glen conference. We got a lot of work done in organizing our thoughts as to what we would like to do better next time and how to strengthen the administration and emceeing of the event next time. We agreed to meet in about a month at Spring Mill Park in Indiana to begin research on a cheaper place to hold the meeting next year.

Vara was in town in a whirlwind of activity, taking Mocha to the vet—it turns out that poor Mo-Kitty has a sort of Herpes viral infection in her eye. Darn! It would have been easier to heal a bite or scratch! She was also doing all the books. However, she found the time to work with me on planning my next week’s work. We decided:

Not to edit each others’ journal entries any longer, for want of time to do so.
To persist in developing ways to plan the bring4th site together
To have Vara take the images for Don’s Page back to Bruce with her

I brought her up to speed on the access road issue. We had a talk about liaison challenges with Avalon-Camelot and we agreed that Vara would be responsible for being administrator at Avalon, leaving Bruce responsible for all construction and safety issues. This will facilitate communication between the geographically separated houses or places. We have hopes of creating more planning time for looking at not only the Avalon project but all L/L projects both at Avalon and Camelot.

I dropped by Box 5195 and collected a large batch of mail from the official L/L Research address, which is L/L Research, P. O. Box 5195, Louisville, KY, 40255-0195. Don and I rented that box in 1976 and we have kept it ever since, as it is a stable address which appears in all of our published material. Now that we live further out of town, however, it is a good little drive in to the box on Taylorsville Road, and we collect the mail no oftener than once a week. This time I fear we had gone at least two weeks!

A welcome surprise from the microwave repair people at Sears! Our oven was still under warranty and they could not repair it, so we get a new one for free!

The work day ended with my consulting with all concerning inviting a new person whom Spirit has inspired to come our way for a trial visit. This soul is young and strong and grew up on a ranch, so farm work is no mystery to him. Further, he has talents in the area of web design, which we need in order to get the re-design work on bring4th furthered. We have great hopes that this L/L fan and service-to-others worker will find a comfortable niche as a volunteer here at L/L Research.

September 2, 2005

I awoke feeling poorly and struggled through this day! I spent most of it working with follow-through from the Wooded Glen conference. I sent e-mails concerning the eventual Wooded Glen Journal to Jeremy and otherwise followed through on what I said I would do at the planning session yesterday.

Then I began the entries for the Wooded Glen Journal which are to be made by me. I finished the entry for the 19th of August, the opening night of our seminar, and started on the entry for August 20th.

I had to quit work early as my poor body was just falling apart- dizziness, double vision and so forth. I must be exhausted. I guess I need to give myself a light day tomorrow! TGIF!

September 3, 2005

It was a beautiful day today and I arose intending to enjoy the thrill of no cooking to do today. We had prepared enough last week so that we could live off our freezer during this time that Gary is not here to join in at mealtimes. I had planned to finish my third of three deadlines, my prayer group’s newsletter, this morning and spend the afternoon catching up on older e-mail and getting outside for the first time in months, literally.

That plan was doomed because of my first chore upon coming downstairs. Usually I start off a cooking day by looking at both refrigerators, cleaning out anything that is old, re-potting food that is in too large a container and generally making room for the new food. In looking at the fridges I found a large amount of produce which was rapidly going bad and it was calling out to me, as vegetables will do, “Save me! I want to be eaten!” SO that’s what my day turned out to be: a cooking day after all. Much of the produce was, indeed, past saving and our compost is richer for the bounty, but I found cucumbers with which to make Benedictine and of the rest I made a soup one could call “Cream of V8 Soup” as I used spinach, carrots, celery, squash, potatoes, onions, yellow peppers and lima beans, plus our home-made chicken broth and some cream.

Jim helped me with this but was somewhat unhappy with my choosing to stay indoors, as he felt bound to help me work until we were through cooking. This called for some discussion and we sat down to do the work that comes to us all in relationship from time to time, no matter how loving and close one is. As always we came through the talking in harmony and with one mind and heart, but I must say this took quite a while, at least for us! Often Jim and I can breeze through catalyst in five or ten minutes, but this was 90 solid minutes of open discussion. It was work well worth doing, and I am most thankful to have the ability to work through issues with my Mick. Not all wives can rely upon such patience and care from their husbands and I count myself very fortunate.

I was utterly exhausted by the end of the day and was most thankful for bed. The thought of driving to church tomorrow, an hour’s round trip, when gas is so short and my energy is so sparse causes me to wonder whether it might not be time for me to change parishes, as there is an Episcopal church two blocks from our house! I shall be watching myself tomorrow to see what that thought feels like. I have been going to Calvary Episcopal Church, a downtown parish, for 37 years, since 1968. I have loved every minute of it! That parish has a real mission to its neighborhood and I have long been involved with numerous activities of service to the poor, which feels wonderful. However, I had to relinquish most of those duties last year, as my back was no longer able to bear the work, and the remaining duties, those of serving in the chancel as choir member and lay reader and chalice bearer for midweek Communion, have become increasingly difficult as well. It feels like time for this move, and the price of gasoline has encouraged me to examine this option carefully.

September 4, 2005

This was my first time back at Calvary in three months and I believe it was also my last service at Calvary. The length of time it takes me to “do” a Calvary Sunday service is about four hours, including an hour of driving time and my back gave out long before the service was over. Sadly, I could not figure any way to leave that did not disrupt the rest of the attendees, so I managed to make it through but I left feeling that I am right to take the situation fully to heart and adjust my life style to better suit the condition of my physical health. I will sleep on it tonight before letting the church know, but I feel very good about this decision. It is time for me to change where I attend church.

I have never been to a service at St. Luke’s as a parishioner. In 1968 I sang there as a substitute for another singer who asked me to do her a favor. I also went to Cursillo meetings there for some time in the ‘80s. However I shall be attending a service there next Sunday for the very first time as a parishioner and it will be fascinating to see how it goes. I am pretty sure they have a choir and I can see what they are like. I can meet the priest and listen to him speak. I know the service already, as all Episcopal churches use the same prayer book. If all of that works out and I decide to keep going to St. Luke’s then I shall need to talk with the priest and the choir leader, for I always sing in the choir! It will be good to have a new place to worship that is only two blocks from home. I hope it works out well.

It was the first public meeting of the season for L/L Research at 4 PM today. Jim had gone up to visit his old friend, Steve Hutt, and take in the UK-UL game, a yearly treat of his. I knew Tom, another regular member of the sessions, was going to watch the game too rather than come to our meeting. I thought Romi had said he would be involved with his Peace Corps group and would not be here. These are the most faithful meditation members so I wondered if we would have anyone. Not to worry- we had a roomful. I was delighted to welcome Cindy, who lives in Utah and was in town visiting her new grandbaby. Melissa came. I had not seen her since she moved into her own apartment in June. Connie came down from 90 minutes north up in Indiana and Romi did show up. We also had two visitors from Lexington who were new to the group, Robert and Lynn. And Tim called in and attended by telephone from Australia. Unfortunately I was still quite exhausted from church and struggled a bit to make it through the meeting time, as it went on until 8:30. But I think the channeling session went quite well, and it was good to be starting another season of public meetings- we meet every week September through May.

Jim got safely back from his visit with Steve, whom he calls Smut, an old nickname, at 9 PM. He had had a great time! We called his Mom, as soon as we had sat down for a Gaia Meditation, and chatted for some time. Bless Jim’s heart, he found out I had not eaten dinner and fixed me popcorn at my request, so we watched TV and ate popcorn until we were both drowsy. And had an early bedtime and a good night’s rest.

September 5, 2005

I awoke still feeling quite weary and decided to take it easy today, as I had a channeling session scheduled for the afternoon. I spent the morning clearing the desk of all manner of filing and projects. Vara came in for the session and we had a good talk before the time came for Vickie’s session.

Vickie’s question was uncanny because it related so closely to the catalyst I have been experiencing as far as my body’s being weaker than it used to be. She has experienced the changes of aging and her question was about how one can deal well with such changes. I need to reread that session once it is transcribed! I think the information was most helpful. It is too bad of the Q’uo group, though, to use me as an example so much! I used to wish my Mom, a psychology professor for years, would not do that! But I will say the Q’uo always does ask permission before using me as an example, and of course if it is helpful for them, it’s OK with me.

I had written a letter to Lone Bear based on bad information and he wrote me back pointing out how mistaken I was and expressing some sincere and heartfelt reservations, so I dedicated the rest of the day to mending fences with him. I barely made a beginning on my response before Jim arrived home from his day of mowing and it was time to move into the relaxation of the evening, but it felt good to have a start made on a really thoughtful response to Bear. I also wrote to Calvary’s priest, choir mistress and vestry head concerning my decision to change parishes. That still feels like the best idea to me.

Vara and I had a short planning session before she left for Avalon in the late afternoon with her sick cat, Mocha, who will not eat! Very strange behavior for mocha kitty. We will see Vara again when she comes down on Friday to meet Parnell, our newest interne, at the airport. He will be coming in from Nevada for a trial visit to see if we suit him and he suits us. He hopes to volunteer here for a few months if all works out well. Spirit has sent L/L Research some of the greatest folks in the world so far. I look forward to meeting another one.

September 6, 2005

It was another glorious day in this post-Katrina, sun-washed season. I spent the bulk of the day finishing my letter to Lone Bear, which was centrally on my mind.

It felt very good to have that done. I celebrated by finding the remnants of a packet of seasoned bacon in the fridge and treated myself to bacon and an omelet for lunch. There was just time after that to get my journal entries for the Camelot Journal up to date before it was time to go to the dentist.

That took the day! No cavities, by the way! I still have the newsletter for Calvary’s prayer group to write. It will be my final letter to them, as I am leaving the Parish. It feels very strange to be doing so and yet very right. I shall be able now to go to church with far less time and energy spent, and far less gas as well. I need to remember to call my neighbor, who attends St. Luke’s, and ask her if she would like some company next Sunday as I begin the process of exploring the world of St. Luke’s parish life. Jim cuts grass for the church, and many of the people who attend are his customers as well, so I shall have an entry into conversation!

I have an enormous backlog of forum posts to read and respond to and general e-mail has backed up amazingly. I can see the shape of the work of a couple of days to come! Building community is a matter of one person, one contact and one soul to be heard, responded to and loved at a time. I look forward to getting into all the e-mail at last! Days like this one are precious in that sometimes special tasks must be done and we’re blessed to have the time to do that. However, it will feel good to be “back on track” with the larger community.

September 7, 2005

I started the early morning by reviewing the Avalon Journal, as it had been some time since I checked in with the doings of those busy bees on Avalon. What great energy happening there! I am greatly looking forward to my next visit, for I have not yet seen several things that are now in place, notably the road into the property and the improvements to the access road.

I wrote my Camelot Journal entry for September 6th and then took my time to write the very last Prayer group Newsletter for Calvary. It will be most unusual after so many years not to have that on my mind! I spent my text time seeing what I could do to coax someone in the prayer group of 18 Members to take over as Head. Now I have only to wait for updates from the Calvary staff, Fr. Ned and Margaret, before sending it out for the very last time. I have been doing this for Calvary since 1983.

The rest of the morning was spent working on my Camelot Journal entries for the time of Wooded Glen and sending those in to Jeremy. We also corresponded concerning where to put the Wooded Glen entries. I suggested they go right into the Camelot Journal. I do not know if this suggestion if feasible, however, since we do want to include all the entries sent in by all participants in the conference as well as Jeremy’s notes on the various talks and, eventually, links to the actual text of the speeches. Some things must be left to the wiser and more informed minds that understand techspeak! And that’s not me!

After lunch I worked on e-mail all of the afternoon until Jim’s arrival home and bath time, putting out the many small fires that have accumulated because of my being away from e-mail for over a week. I had hoped to get into the forums’ mail but the afternoon faded into evening with me still addressing specific concerns of those in the L/L family. I especially enjoyed hearing that a fan from South America, who has done translations of a few of the Q’uo channelings, has resurfaced and is enchanted with the Ranger Gathering especially and Avalon in general. It turns out that in Portuguese, the titling of the special channeling session done for the Ranger gathering comes out in Portuguese as “Meditação Especial, 16 de Julho de 2005, Para o Encontro dos Rangers (Canalizado por Carla).”

This was an uncomfortable day for me, due to back problems. Here’s hoping for a far better day tomorrow!

September 8, 2005

This was a big e-mail day for me! I finished offering e-mail responses to issues people needed to work with at Camelot, Avalon and having to do with the web sites we have, especially the issues of how to offer the Wooded Glen Journal, which we wish to extend into every participant’s entry who offers one, of whether to start a Dream Forum and of getting a user name and password for Jim McCarty so he can post to the forums. Then I checked in with Ian and made sure that all was well with the new issue of Light/Lines, L/L Research’s quarterly newsletter. He assures me all is well there and he will have the new issue up on www.llresearch.org before the end of the week.

Then I started in on catching up the forums posts by reading through and responding to them. I tackled the bring4th forum first and by the end of the day that was finished! That was most of the day’s working time right there, but it feels really good to be working with so many seeking souls in such a focused way.

The weekly menu needed to be cobbled together and Jim had asked for a roasted turkey, so I got a menu together that included that plus cole slaw, macaroni salad, broccoli and acorn squash. We shall have a wonderful-smelling kitchen come next Saturday!

I had just enough time before having to visit Baptist East Hospital for a mammogram to work with the final prayer list send-out, getting the updates into the list and on to the personal prayer list assignments for each member. What a peculiar feeling to realize I am doing this for the last time, after 22 years on this volunteer job for Calvary Church.

The mammogram was as much fun as slamming a sensitive part of one’s anatomy in a refrigerator door four times in a row always is. Ah, science! I would not be surprised to discover that mammograms cause breast cancer, the way the procedure feels! At any rate, that’s done for another year. I have tried to persuade my doctor that cancer does not run in my family, but to no avail! LOL.

September 9, 2005

From stem to stern this was an e-mail day. Picture me at my computer, sitting in my Mama chair somewhat reclined and typing for hours! I just hope my mind was engaged. I finished all but the last couple of forum posts that were old. I noted with some humor that there’s already a growing stack of responses. But my time for forum mail is over for this week! Time to address the (I counted them) 107 general e-mails from people writing in to me. That’s the plan—to keep the plates spinning in the air so no one gets totally dismissed. I could use a few more hours in the day!

I also finally got the last Prayer Group newsletter written and mailed. As I told Bruce in an e-mail today, it feels good to do one thing that will stay done! (It’s the final issue of the Prayer group Newsletter for me as I am changing parishes.)

Vara picked up Parnell at the airport this evening and we had a good conversation before Jim and I faded into bedtime for the night.

September 10, 2005

The sun poured through the French windows that let the whole of the back yard into the kitchen as we all worked on Camelot’s food for next week. We turned on the classic rock station and enjoyed the morning. It was great to have a good crew today! Gary is back from his trip, Parnell is having an intern week here at L/L Research and Vara is down from Avalon. Jim and I had lots of help. We were all finished cooking by lunch time! What a treat!

The rest of my day was almost all e-mail. I reserve the week-end, Saturday afternoon and the bits of Sunday not taken up by our public meeting, for catching up general e-mail. I ended the day answering e-mail dated 8-18, having started the day with mail dated 8-14. Those four days had a whole lot of mail! And then some people write several letters and when I come to such a “repeater” correspondent I answer all the letters at once, so there is hidden progress! The letters are quite varied, with some writing me to ask about books or other business, some wanderers writing to tell their story and asking if they are crazy, some just saying thank you, having been working with our material on the web at www.llresearch.org and then a whole gamut of other mail. It is good to make some progress.

I had the chance to give Parnell the Camelot tour of Library and garden, er, house and garden and then we sat down for a conversation about what he wished to do with his week or so volunteering here. His plan is to enjoy the Sunday meditation with us and go up to Avalon Monday morning with Vara. She and Bruce shall keep him busy I know! While I was working on e-mail, Parnell helped the Camelot effort out by doing a magnificent job of scrubbing out our refrigerators. The fridges were both just cheering for joy afterwards. I am convinced that seemingly non-living things like fridges know when they are clean and sparkling and feel better and work better because of it!

Jim spent the afternoon making the garden shine and fiddling with the fish ponds. The pumps are usually the problem for him, very touchy and easily clogged. We have two home-made ponds at Camelot, a small, heart-shaped one in the front yard Jim made of creek stones from Avalon’s Locust Creek and a larger, above-ground pond in the side yard which Jim made of sandstone collected from an old chimney ruins on Avalon. The roses next to the sandstone pond looked especially pretty, in the midst of their semi-final bloom. They will bloom once more before frost. Jim came in with a new bloom for our altar. It was such lovely weather today! After such a very hot and dry summer, the aftermath of Katrina has left Kentucky in an idyllic state. That is ironic when you consider what a tragic disaster it has been for the people along the Gulf of Mexico where it hit. There was such intense destruction! I heard last Sunday, for instance, that five Episcopal churches in the Diocese of New Orleans were totally destroyed and three more were going to need to be taken down and rebuilt most likely. The cost in human lives and health has been and seems to continue to be just enormous. All our thoughts and prayers are with the people there.

September 11, 2005

Another anniversary of 9-11! A nod and Requiescat in Pacem prayer to history and the memory of all those involved in the 2001 tragedy.

I woke late, for me, about 7:30, and worked a bit on the journal entry for yesterday and e-mail clean up before St, James came upstairs to have a snuggle. We rose and he started on the house cleaning, which he does while I go to church on a Sunday morning. Our motto for this time is “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” We tag-team the effort! He paused to get some sweet rolls, our Sabbath treat, and I worked on the luxuriously complex puzzle page in the Sunday paper until time to go to the service at St. Luke’s. It was different from Calvary, different service music, a different priest who preached in a folksy Oklahoma style rather than the reserved accents of the East coast, different to be in a small stone building crowded with people instead of a high-lofted stone building with fewer people and a different feel to the people, the music, the windows and all. The same, blessedly, in the liturgy and my feeling that here, I can worship. I tentatively feel all will be well here. I like the parish.

After bringing home some fast food for Jim’s and my lunch and enjoying it with him while he took in some TV news and I read a mystery novel, I went back to e-mail and worked straight through on general e-mail catch-up until meditation time. Judy came and brought a friend, Jeanne, who has just moved to Louisville from her home town of Owensboro, KY. It was grand to see Judy again and Jeanne was most interesting. Will, from Lexington, returned, as did Tom. Parnell, Vara, Romi, Jim and I rounded out the group. For a silent meditation it was a large sitting group. Jim likes to call the silent meditations the “advanced group” as there is not the draw of words and a “psychic demonstration” to tickle the intellect and interest, just the powerful, waiting silence.

Romi offered his love-brewed tea and cookies and we had a good conversation after the meditation until about 7:30. We put the new food out for everyone and enjoyed supper, then I went back to my e-mail until the Gaia Meditation at 9 PM, finishing the weekend answering e-mail from 8-29, 14 e-mails before September. I am still 82 e-mails behind according to my Inbox counter, but then new posts have rolled in, so I am satisfied with the progress. I managed to come forward about two weeks in terms of how long people have to wait for their response, as I started the weekend’s work answering mail from 8-14. I will feel better as I start the week’s special projects, knowing that I’ve made some progress here in the general e-mail.

Jim and I retired fairly early after seeing off Vara and Parnell on their way to Avalon and talking with Jim’s Mom in Nebraska, a Sunday night ritual usually.

September 12, 2005

I awoke early, not feeling well. That was a theme of the day for me. I kept falling asleep in my chair! So the day moved slowly for me. I spent part of it, while awake, doing updates on our web sites, one for www.llresearch.org, where I updated my “Sorry, I am late answering mail” entry on the home page to reflect the weekend’s work on general e-mail and another one which was a rough draft of the “So You Want to Help” section on the Avalon SGC page. It had gotten out of date and I changed it to reflect new work. I sent that to Bruce for correction and we will talk about it at the Friday planning session. We have so many needs and the potential donor does not have the kind of completeness of information I think we all would like to see up on site. I believe we originally had a planning schedule up but somehow when one clicks on that option, it merely shows a topographical map.

Gary had transcribed our first channeling session of the new season for the public meetings, dated September 4 2005. I spent a good part of the day editing that. A former publisher, Ronald, who has been a fan of the Law of One for two decades, had sent me a request to be involved in the editing process and so I sent him my edited copy of Gary’s work as well as a copy of the unedited transcript, as I did not know just how he intended to edit the text and I wanted to be able to see his changes separately from my own. Ronald feels my editing leaves too many long sentences which are hard to read. It will be interesting to see how he alters the text. I may not use his changes. But we shall see. It is most generous of him to wish to devote his time to improving our transcripts. I must make sure that he actually achieves that!

In the afternoon I made notes for the Friday meeting with Bruce and wrote Jeremy to fill him in on some details of the Camelot Journal and m adding the Wooded Glen entries to that Journal. He will likely not read this until October, as his wedding will take place on September 17th! Then I made a bare beginning on the transcription of the speech I gave in Newcastle last June, which Jon G. had sent me. That was very hard work for him, as Vara and I had been unable to take our CD recording equipment to Newcastle as it was too heavy to go on the tube and train with us. So we were using a tiny, tinny audiocassette recorder kindly furnished by our hostess, Sue B. We had placed the microphone close to me and so the tape was able to hear me fairly well. However, I was asking the group to respond a good deal, and their responses were extraordinarily hard to hear. Jon has very good equipment and said he was able to recover most of the comments.

I finished off the day getting Stanley Subaru, our Outback, serviced. Ah, the joy of sitting in a service department lounge! I enjoyed finishing my Len Deighton suspense novel while I waited. We were supposed to have our furnace checked today here at Camelot as well, but no one came to do that and I shall have to call them.

September 13, 2005

This was an editing day! I got the first half of the Forest Row speech (from last June’s trip to Great Britain) edited, which took until the afternoon. Then I started on the Newcastle speech transcript, from that same trip. Oh, my heavens, was that transcript bollixed! It had apparently come in three tapes and Jon had transcribed tape two first, then tape one and then tape three. Plus, Gary had tried transcribing before he gave the tapes up as too faint for him to hear, and I had edited his page of text earlier, before I realized it was incomplete. I think I finally ended the day with the transcription in order, if not properly edited. I must say, although I was not drinking that night in Newcastle, I was not at my best. The host had put all sorts of spirits out and the group which was gathered for the speech was fairly well oiled! However, until the “tea break” Vara and I abstained, wishing to be at our best. Nevertheless I sounded a bit punchy! Newcastle’s speech was definitely not my best one of that British series. I remember the extreme discomfort of the place we stayed there. There was no good chair or table in the entire “flat.” It could be I was simply in a lot of pain. That never helps one’s concentration.

My brain imploded under the pressure of fiddling with the Newcastle transcript somewhere around four PM, which oddly enough was the same time our Camelot computer network and printer failed. (I just got back on line this afternoon, writing on September 14th.) I suppose it is possible that my frustration over changing and re-changing the editing on the Newcastle tape might have given the computers bad vibes. Or it could be that, with Romi going to visit his Mom in the Czech Republic for three full weeks, his leaving town could cause the network to have anxiety! Whatever the cause, mundane or metaphysical, I was stopped cold!

I called the furnace people and they did come out today, finally, to inspect us. We are cleared for the winter.

I had an interesting call from Raphael at New Leaf book distributors. Jim had been working with Raphael to put our ad in the new New Leaf catalog which goes out to all their book stores around the world. I could not help Raphael as I had not been involved in choosing the ad, but Raphael did ask me some questions and I found he was a metaphysical blog writer. He ended up agreeing to consider placing his blog on the bring4th blog folder niche. He also is a new Law of One reader and is most enthusiastic, which bodes well for the relationship. It is exciting to see the niches slowly start to take shape. We will not be ready to put the new www.bring4th.org site up for a while, as it is being rebuilt from scratch, but when we DO get it up, having some good niches ready to roll will be wonderful. So far we have talked with Jeremy as well as Raphael about their blogs going up on site. Chris H. is contemplating an astrology niche and Mr. Ranson is creating a niche on toxic substances like aspartame and what to do instead of eating them. Papa’s niche is political and will be restored once the site is back up. The niches are all to be created by real people who feel passionately about their contribution and who are ready and willing to talk with people who like their work. This seems to me to be a very real community builder. I am most encouraged. Now I must pray that my computer woes diminish! So far the printer still will not print!

September 14, 2005

Most of this beautiful day was spent at Baptist East Hospital’s emergency room. I awoke at 1:30 AM with chest pain. In the course of the day they tested me for heart attack and blood clot, with a CT scan, an X-ray and blood tests. They found I was not having a cardiac event, which was great news. They could not, however, tell me what the chest pain was about, and at this writing that has not gone away. Their guesses were pleurisy, pneumonia and a rheumatoid arthritic flare-up. Since I am not given to chest congestion much I would vote for the flare-up. This all took until about 3 PM. I was fortunate in that Jim was able to take me to the hospital and pick me up at the end of their doings with me.

With a bit of the afternoon left, I got some in-group e-mail written and my journal entry, then tackled the Newcastle speech again. It is a substantially long speech! I am not yet through it for the first time.

It was an early night for me!

September 15, 2005

The Ides of a month have had an historical tendency to mean a “bad” day ever since Caesar said, “Et tu, Brute.” It’s not always the 15th of a month; sometimes the Ides of a month arrive on the 13th, and the Ides can last a week. Any way you cut it, though, this seemed like an “Ides” kind of day! The last two days, in fact, have had enough hospitals, needles, doctors, unpleasant substances to drink and unsatisfactory diagnoses to qualify both of them as “bad days.” Today’s gift to me was to get to the hospital for a colonoscopy at 8 AM, to be finally taken for the test at 10:30 and to be told by noon that I had no polyps but should be seen for irritable bowel syndrome. I felt much more like I had an irritable mood syndrome going here.

I got home after Jim fed me my first solid food in two days, and thank you Mickey Dee’s as well as St. Mick! I was so drowsy from the medication that I dove into a nap after lunch until five PM. I had just enough time to answer some in-group e-mail concerning a planning meeting with Bruce and intern Parnell’s need to get to the airport by 2 PM tomorrow before drifting into the bath and relaxation time of the day as Mick got home from work. We had planned to go to a Louisville Jazz Society benefit for Hurricane Katrina victims but I felt too rocky to do it. We stayed home for some rerun TV and just talking together, which was most helpful for me.

I was feeling a bit down, so I started thinking about why. Why down? I had been cleared of heart trouble and bowel woes. If I had some discomfort, and I did, I was taking medication to clear that up and make it better. Yes, I was full of holes and bruises from the needles and yes, I had been very uncomfortable for two straight days. But I was safe, loved, warm and fed.

Then it came to me: it is OK to have a bad day. I could even give myself permission to have two bad days in a row. I do not have to be cheerful all the time. I just have to be me. That was the best thought! Doggoned if I did not feel cheered up immediately. It’s weird how one’s mind works, isn’t it! So I ended the day feeling truly blessed and joyful.

September 16, 2005

After a morning of desk work and making a journal entry, I met Bruce, Vara and Parnell as they came down to Camelot. After good-byes, we said a temporary farewell to Parnell, then Vara took him off to the airport and Bruce and I had a planning meeting.

We worked on some issues related to our web sites. It is very exciting to me to look over how our web sites have grown. When the century turned, we had one very good web site, www.llresearch.org. It held a growing percentage of our total channeling archive through the years and some parts of our various books and materials. It had all our newsletters on line and held a good page on Gaia Meditations and other L/L Research concerns.

What it did not have were the aspects of our community more related to community itself rather than channeled material. As a community, as we gathered in 2002, we wanted to create chances for the feeling of community to grow, develop and mature on-line. I first came up with the idea of www.bring4th.org, with its forums for discussion, its journals so readers could follow our doings and the niches of the “café of ideas.” Bruce came up with his Antiquatis web site, which explores Elder Race issues. Mike W developed a new way to present the Law of One material as a data base free of time-line forum comments, a Wiki site. Bruce had a site developed for examining Larsonian physics and the Law of One implications of that Reciprocal System. Tobey developed the project of assisting Mike with the Wiki site, re-listening to the LOO sessions and adding any new information gleaned. And as a crowning organizational glory, Bruce developed the concept of an umbrella site to hold and organize all these sites, www.lawof1.org.

When bring4th got repeatedly hacked, and we had to rebuild from scratch, much material was shifted from bring4th to lawof1. Bruce and I worked at how to unsnarl the various sites. Most particularly we were interested in deciding where the Wooded Glen journal material should reside. Part of it was being treated as a forum and another part as a journal. We decided the Wooded Glen material was part of the Camelot Journal. Any questions sustaining themselves after the entries to that journal are complete and we do a poll on what to address at our next such conference, we shall swing over to the forums.

We went over materials on site having to do with Avalon’s plans for the future and how to help us achieve those plans. Much work needs to be done o developing a good time line (or guess line, since so much depends on weather, which has been freakish) and a materials list people can look a and see what they can contribute. We also talked about developing a better list of talents needed.

We chewed over the Guidelines for Participation. Most groups have theme. We have not come up with a list that satisfies all concerned.

We worked on plans for winterizing for both Vara and Bruce. Much needs to be done to get our Avalon workers indoors this winter. As well, we desperately need better ways to house volunteers as cold weather comes. We are currently using a tent in the meadow.

It was a great meeting. We came home just in time to meet Vara, who had been doing errands after the airport run. We all sat down to debrief and then Vara and Bruce tackled some glitches that had developed in the Camelot computer network and printer since Romi went on vacation. Much that had been stuck in various digital craws got unstuck, many updates were added and the system went back on-line, fully functional at last!

I got very little e-mail done because the computer system was taken over for the afternoon for repairs. I hope to do more tomorrow!

I continued to feel poorly, but my spirits are in wonderful shape!

September 17, 2005

Plagued by insistent chest pain which has moved from front to back but still catches my breath, I was up early today. I worked on some e-mail and after Jim and I had our morning offering we treated ourselves to a trip to Avalon. I was along for the ride; Jim needed to haul wood up there, and bring down a cherry bedstead, mattress and springs as Vara continues the process of resettling up on Avalon. She has shrunk back to needing only one room here at Camelot, so we are re-making her “office” room as a guest room again. Time to move beds around again at Camelot! We are trying to maximize our ability to sleep people, either interns, Rangers on their way to Avalon or people who visit in order to study. So we will add a bed.

It was a sweet, rather dim day weather-wise. The journey was most happy—I wrote about the visit on the Avalon Journal. Vara was looking radiant in turquoise and it was fun, fun, fun to see all the new improvements she and Bear have wrought.

I spent the rest of the day on forum e-mail, making far less progress than I had hoped. This made me stop and think about how I have been organizing my time, and I came to the conclusion that I need to re-think my whole plan. Jim sat down with me and we had a really good, long talk on this point. Jim feels strongly that I need to prioritize the old projects that need editing before being finished. They include an amazing volume of co-channeling with Barbara Brodsky, a Book of Days which I channeled long ago and which has partial funding for hard-copy printing already if I can get it done, my retrospective prayer group writing and the web version of the Unabridged Wanderer’s Handbook. These are four great projects, to toot my own horn. They represent a huge amount of work already done. All they require is a final read-through and edit from me. Jim feels these should take first priority, even over the current meditation sessions’ editing, and way ahead of any individual correspondence or forum posts.

I really see the justice and soundness of his judgment. My personality shell, however, is crying out, “What about the souls who are writing in to us at L/L Research looking for validation?”

Another part of my personality shell wants to be “rescued” and would like a sponsor who will see to it that I am able to go away for a month this winter, somewhere quiet, where I have a hospital bed, a good table and my computer hooked up, where I can hole up and get this editing done of old material.

Ah, catalyst.

Jim’s suggestion is to work each day on the old editing first, then the new editing. After lunch, I could go on to other work, correspondence and so forth. It is the exact opposite of the way I have been doing things. He sympathizes with my wish to get away but points out that even if I did this it would not solve the chronic problem of having too much to do and too little time to do it. He feels I should be sending form letters out to write-in people. Gads, I just hate form letters.

It is time for prayer and contemplation on my part. And talking with Vara! Her advice is very well informed. It is not an issue I can sidestep, because with my health uncertain I am very fortunate when I get a day to work! I need to make the most of each moment.

We ended up watching some junk TV after our bath and had an early night, both of us dozing inadvertently before we finally gave up and formally went to bed. We talked a while before saying good night about how things have developed at L/L Research. We surely do love our little family group. Each member is doing his and her best, and each is such a light. We felt a lot of gratitude.

September 18, 2005

It was my second Sunday to go to St. Luke’s for services. The entire service was extremely synchronistic and the sermon was psychically accurate to an amazing degree and made me feel much more secure about my decision to change parishes. After the service, Fr. Joe introduced me to the choir mistress, Lisa, who welcomed me with open arms and assured me that whatever arrangements I needed to be comfortable, including the ability to get up and leave in mid-service, were just fine with her and would be seen to. She then took me down to the “undercroft” where choir practices are held and I found that three people with whom I sang for 30 years in the Louisville Bach society, Brench and Geri B and Kathy R, who used to go to other parishes, are now at St. Luke’s. It was old home week! I felt embraced and cherished by this. I think this huge change in my life gives every indication of being upheld and blessed greatly by spirit and I am most thankful.

I was feeling quite poorly, still dealing with chest pain, but decided to go ahead with the channeling. It was a small group, with Connie, Melissa, Jim, Tim from Australia and me.

We talked at the meeting about the issue of prioritizing my time better. The discussion was most helpful to me and I will take it all up with the real professional in this area, Vara, at our planning meeting tomorrow.

Connie did a Reiki session with me before she left and expressed the opinion that I am indeed under a most severe psychic greeting from our fifth-density friend. We also agreed that the best strategy was to send love to this entity.

Again it was an early night for Jim and me.

September 19, 2005

I started off the day by going through the notes I took during Bruce’s and my planning session last week and following through with e-mailing various people about various issues. After those six e-mails were done, I wrote up a report of that meeting and sent it to him and Vara, as well as Jeremy, since part of our meeting involved decisions on www.bring4th.org and also how to treat the Wooded Glen material. It will be treated as part of the Camelot Journal and we will put all the participants’ entries up there as well as my own. We’ll develop a poll for choosing what topics to include in our next meeting, and any remaining issues and discussions will be pursued in the forums.

Vara arrived at Camelot mid-morning and we had a good planning session. The question of how to prioritize my work was massaged and we came up with a new plan which I like, as it is one which allows me to work on items for a day at a time rather than an hour at a time. Starting off each day, I will answer one snail-mail letter. On Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays I will work on new editing and special projects all day, except for appointments. On Thursdays I’ll take up the old editing projects for the day. On Fridays I will address forum posts and on Saturdays and Sundays, around the edges of cooking, church and the L/L Research public meetings, I’ll answer as much general e-mail as I can.

Vara had a good idea in terms of my asking for help with various aspects of the work. She suggested I place a comprehensive look at the kind of help I can use, a “how to help” page, on the web sites and actively solicit help. This fits in well with my already firm intention of writing a page about the various projects that lie ahead for volunteers in the area of the transcription project. It feels as though we are responding as well as we can to the quite substantial challenges facing us in terms of a whole lot of good work to do!

All of the various parts of the work that lie before me are good. And I very much wish that all of these aspects continue to be addressed, either by me or others. It feels very good to have a solid plan now for addressing all the different aspects of my work. In building community here, it feels good that all who write in to L/L Research are included—eventually! I do run behind!

After lunch, Vara and I prepared for a channeling session with a phone-in client but she did not call. These things happen!

I tackled the transcription project for the rest of the afternoon. This has been a huge project, now almost finished, where over two dozen transcribers turned about 150 newly discovered old tapes which had never been transcribed into session transcriptions now up on www.llresearch.org. If you go to the Library and look in the early years when I was just learning to channel, especially 1974, all those transcriptions are newly added!

I wrote the four people who still had tapes to be transcribed in their possession, asking either for the finished transcript of the tape or their copies returned so I could send the tapes on to transcribers who would actually do the work. These four people have all had since May to do their work, so I do not feel badly about asking for a final determination now. They are all that is keeping us from moving ahead to a whole new generation of transcription type projects. I really look forward to finishing this up and getting on to the new generation! We have such riches in our archives, but in many ways they are fragile and in need of work to preserve them. And we have good people who are most willing to volunteer their skills. So there is much to which to look forward.

September 20, 2005

The morning was taken up with following through in energy I had started into motion with the follow-up e-mails from Bruce’s and my planning meeting. Steve F called, showing interest in the Bear’s proposal that he purchase the Kidwell property that abuts our Avalon SGC. We had a good, long talk. He is genuinely considering the proposition. I very much hope he will end up deciding to buy that property. Steve has been a good friend to L/L Research for several years now and his cooperative ways would help us out tremendously as we develop Avalon. Kidwell has been less than helpful as a neighbor and obstructive in terms of our access road needs. Indeed, if Steve does not end up buying the Kidwell place, I may get Bear to write a request for a friend of L/L Research to buy that property, as Bear knows a lot more about that property than I do. I do know it is a good buy. Land in the Avalon area is selling fast to developers and prices are constantly rising as more commuters move up that way, off I71. I really wish to get a friend in “next door” to preserve our surrounding green space.

I had a doctor’s appointment in the early afternoon and came home with a prescription for a prednisone pack, the kind they give for arthritic flare-ups and allergic reactions. Perhaps that will do the job of relieving me of my present inability to draw a breath without pain. It would be a welcome change!

Finally, finally, I was able to work on editing in the late afternoon, as was supposedly my job for the day! I got about halfway through the Newcastle speech, feeling for the first time since starting that thorny job that we did have a good speech there under all the missed words and extra verbiage! I closed my computer only when it was bath-time, and time to quit the work of the day.

September 21, 2005

Throughout the day I edited the Newcastle speech transcript off and on. That was the longest speech I offered in Britain, by far. Perhaps the bibulous aspects of that particular gathering created more stamina in the group! I made good progress on it but had to stop for the day with it unfinished. I am relieved to see that as I edit out the tremendous amount of excess verbiage on the transcript that is irrelevant to the subjects at hand and the inaudible portions that make no sense, the bones of some good information are coming out.

I had three appointments during the day, with a medical lab, giving blood to test for the doctor who prescribes Methotrexate for my arthritis, with the nail tech who pares my toes once every six weeks and with my first choir practice at St. Luke’s. Keeping these dates really cut into my editing time! I had hoped to get a whole lot more done today! It seems there is always a bit of maintenance to take care of, though.

I really enjoyed the choir rehearsal, meeting several more people who knew me at St. Mark’s. How do they remember me from so long ago? I went there from age 14 to age 21, over forty years ago, when my family moved to the Louisville neighborhood in which St. Mark’s is, called Crescent Hill. I was blank on remembering them! When I married at the age of 21 I began going to the Cathedral downtown, as I was not fond of the social and political views of the pastor of St. Mark’s at the time, and shortly ended up at Calvary, at the age of 25. Now, all these years later, we are singing in the choir together at St. Luke’s. It’s a long life! I was quite impressed with the repertoire we rehearsed. I shall enjoy singing with this group to the glory of God.

I also followed through with e-mails from Ian, Bruce and Vara. I am thrilled to say that the new issue of our newsletter for L/L Research, Light Lines, is now finished by Ian and up on site at www.llresearch.org, in the Library under Newsletters. If you want to be on the list of those who receive notices when a new issue comes out, just write me and ask to be put on that list.

September 22, 2005

There were many demonstrations, vigils and ceremonies today all over the world and I could feel the energy in the air! The seasons are shifting and more and more, our globe is filled with light workers and groups who wish to cooperate with the astonishing energy that we see in the planet itself. It is eerie to see Hurricane Rita nearing land and to know of the plight of so many who live in the coastal areas affected! Here in Kentucky we exist in draught and will welcome any rain we collect from Rita eventually. This is certainly not so down south. We just got 71 patients from Texas area hospitals threatened by Rita, here in Louisville. One of the patients was originally moved to Texas from New Orleans! It is wonderful to see the willingness of people to help with this emergency.

I got an interesting letter from Linda C, a participant in the Wooded Glen conference in August. She had experienced a vision of a reptilian during the channeling with which the conference closed on August 21st and then a voice saying, “Show no fear.” The synchronicity of this letter was extreme as in the same 24-hour period, I was editing the Newcastle speech from June’s visit to Britain and ran across a question about the reptilians, and I had responded to that questioner by saying that although I knew virtually nothing about the reptilians and did not do research in that area, my impression was that they were part of the Orion Confederation and that they were interested in creating a climate of fear. So she was getting good advice from her guidance about being fearless. I feel fearless, myself, as I have had long experience with psychic greeting, and the appropriate and effective response to such is to send love to the entity offering the greeting. It does need to be genuine. The Newcastle speech is finally edited! I sent it to Ian at the end of the day with a feeling of real pleasure at getting that long speech done at last. The Newcastle speech will be up on site, in the Library under Speeches, soon.

With that piece of editing done, I can look forward to editing several transcripts now waiting for me, come Monday. They include the remaining work from Britain, which is the second half of the Forest Row speech and the Bath speech and channeling, plus one more private channeling, done for Ian B, and it will be great to be able to see all of that trip’s output up on site. It has certainly been a while getting done. As well, Gary has gotten two local transcripts ready to edit. So the pipeline is loaded!

I spent the bulk of the day editing on the Book of Days project. I got from Day 8 to Day 32 in editing, titling and rating the channelings. This first manuscript of Ian’s covers the first 275 channelings, which Ian has organized into “days.” There are far more channelings than this first lot, which Gary painstakingly went through and discovered in our archives and typed up. When I get the first lot done, those will be my next targets in this project. There is quite a bit still to do but it feels good to have gotten started at last. This new way of scheduling my work seems to me to be working fine, although I do remain quite “behind” in all categories.

I got e-mail from three of the four people who still owe us transcripts in the old transcription project, and they will come through with their work within a few days, so now we are waiting only for Gino C. Gino! Calling Gino!

I ended the work day by getting into the upstairs room most recently used by Vara as an office. She is now on line at Avalon and has moved her office there so we are re-doing that room as a guest or intern room, with an eye to creating the room eventually as a library annex room which just happens to contain guest or intern space as well. But that will not come to pass until cold weather, when the crew from Avalon can spare some days to help us with Camelot projects. I got all of Vara’s belongings packed to place in her bedroom for her further placement and had Jim measure beds to be sure we had room for everything and a place to put things, both in the upstairs room and in the room in the basement where another bed, recently brought down from Avalon’s storage, will go. The bed now in that room, which matches the single bed now in the blue room, will be brought upstairs to go in the blue room, making each room capable of sleeping two if needed. This will double our present capacity.

This was my first day with only a whisper of the chest pain. It finally has relented, affected I suppose by the prednisone pack. It took three days to take effect. I am most grateful for the relief.

September 23, 2005

I awoke early and worked on changing the clothes in my closet for the seasonal shift before Jim woke up. After morning offering I got a snail-mail letter from Romi about Wooded Glen typed up for our Wooded Glen journal on line and sent it in to Jeremy, probably well in advance of his being able to work with it, as he is still honeymooning. Then I followed up on the Newcastle speech, sending the edited copy to the transcriber, Jon, with responses to his questions about the editing choices I tend to make and how he could create the best transcript.

Gary and I had a planning meeting concerning follow-through to Wooded Glen. We have, Gary tells me, 19 hours of video tape from the conference. We need to process it two ways, to get an audio version that we can use to prepare transcripts of the speeches for on line and to edit the video itself for a DVD version. I wrote up a report of this meeting and sent it around, receiving in quick order a lot of suggestions on equipment and strategies from Bear. There seem to be several choices for dealing with these goals which I shall need to investigate far more thoroughly before deciding what to do or purchase. We could buy our own camera. We could buy our own MPEG-2 converter. We could buy a computer on which we could edit video. We could buy a CD recording system and mike to replace our current audiocassette taping system. We could drown in the sea of technology! I am so far out of my depth here!

I spent a bit of time talking with Tobey and Mike on line about a possible workshop on the archetypes in the LOO this winter. It is a fascinating area within the LOO material and one that is harder to work with on a forum than most subjects.

I spent the afternoon, while Jim mowed lawns for his clients and Gary mowed our lawn, responding to the forum posts and got as far as 9-19 in my responses. Naturally I do not respond to all the posts. There are just a few where I feel perhaps I might contribute.

Jim and I ended the day celebrating Friday by going out for a sundae, enjoying some sci fi TV and working on the re-do of our guest/intern room upstairs. That’s coming along fine except we cannot find one of the two matching comforters for that room. We know no one stole our comforter, so the question is, where did someone stash the thing when they did not need it? I shall go on a drawer-and-cabinet search over the weekend!

September 24, 2005

I awoke very early and so decided to finish going through my clothes before arising for the day. Somehow I find myself soothed when I get something organized, even if it is only a closet! It is almost as if it helps me think. I have a girl friend, Linnie, who wears a size 10, whereas I can no longer wear that size. I have lost some weight recently. So now I have three bags of clothes for her to try on. Plus I started a Goodwill bag for things I just no longer wear that are too small for Linnie.

After writing my log entry for yesterday, I got dressed and washed for the day and went down to greet Jim. He was getting ready to go up to Avalon and dump some chunks of pine in the ravine to help with erosion control, while Gary had left for his Army Reserve training day. After we finished our morning offering, Jim loaded up and left for Avalon and I settled down to catching up general e-mail.

Around lunchtime I took some time to catch up with community concerns from Vara and Bruce, then it was back to e-mail until late afternoon. Jim came in from doing yard work to help me create a FAQ list and a “Dear Seeker” form letter. We came up with 25 FAQs. I sent those to Gary, as he has volunteered to do word searches in order to create resource pages on these FAQs. After he is satisfied that he has found resources for the questions as far as he can, then I shall probably need to create some text to answer the questions not covered on our site already somewhere. I got those FAQs off to Gary and also sent the list and the form letter to Vara and Bruce for suggestions. The idea here is to give the new reader on site more resources for information. Currently I am getting so much e-mail that I literally cannot ever catch up. We are hoping these additions to the sites will help cut down on the first-time e-mail to me.

In addition I will make a push to find good, experienced Law of One readers who have a feeling for the new wanderers and outsiders writing in. They can help me by responding to some of the new-reader e-mail on my behalf. What we want to achieve is that feeling we have always had at L/L Research that each person who surfs in is important to us and that we care about supporting and encouraging each one.

I ended the day answering e-mail from September 7th, having started on mail dated August 29th, so some progress was made! Jim and I then settled in for some football and dinner and the Gaia Meditation. Jim cleaned the kitchen, as is his Saturday night habit, before heading up to bed with me.

September 25, 2005

Sunday is Jim’s and my “cleanliness is next to Godliness” time, when I attend services and Jim cleans the house. We start out early with a long, leisurely breakfast and for me, doing the Sunday puzzles; for Jim, reading the Sports section and then I am off to choir rehearsal and Jim starts on spiffing up the rest of the house, having cleaned the kitchen Saturday night. That pattern for the morning continues with my picking up a fast-food treat for lunch on the way home from church. We turn on some football, usually, at this time of year, and catch up on our conversation. This particular Sunday Gary was off doing Army Reserve activities.

This was my first Sunday to sing in St. Luke’s choir. It was a happy occasion indeed. I was given the best seat in the choir pews, to my delight and amazement. I could easily see the director, hear the organ and the other singers and even prop up my arms since I have the Lector’s seat, which has a chair-arm riser on each side of me. I found a choir robe that was not too long after an extended search. It lacked any buttons, but I managed to borrow a safety pin from a passing usher on the way up to my chancel choir seat and fastened myself together for the day. It was a real privilege and pleasure to put on my choir cross, which I received in St. Mark’s choir in high school in 1961. I had worn that cross singing in St. Mark’s choir for seven years and then at Calvary for nearly 40 years and now it has come with me to St. Luke’s.

The welcome of the other members was lovely. Singing the hymns and anthems, I felt so blessed and loved! Loved by the Creator but also by the other choir members, who gave me a standing ovation before the service and lots of hugs. One tenor leaned forward halfway through the service and said, “You sing like an angel.” Who could have a better compliment?

I intended to hit the general e-mail again after lunch but Jim and I talked and found that we had some chores to which to attend, the main one for me being the finishing of the redoing of the bedrooms. By the time of the public meeting at four PM I had selected bedding for the three beds we are moving around, plus some pillows. What has happened to our pillows and bedding!? One wonders. At any rate, it is gone missing. It is probably in use up on Avalon. We now have ordered what is needed to sleep people here at Camelot. Since Parnell returns early next week and Vara is receiving a visitor this weekend, her stepmother and our beloved friend from L/L Research workshops of the past, Kathleen L, we need to be ready to welcome people. Thank heavens for the conveniences of internet and telephone sale-catalog shopping and express delivery! We should be in good shape by Friday.

I still have to find a rug for the upstairs room, where David W’s tenure in that room left us with deep grooves in the pine flooring where his office chair had dug ruts. He never repaired them when he moved out a year ago. I found no rugs on sale in the catalogs and so will need to hunt further during next week, perhaps at Goodwill and at Home Depot. I also need to make a note to put the chore of repairing those floor grooves on our project list for when the crew from Avalon visits later this fall to see to Camelot’s repairs and improvements.

The meditation meeting was a small one today, as our regular attendees are almost all on vacation or otherwise engaged. Robert and Lynne N drove in from Lexington to join us, however, so we did not meditate alone! We had a most refreshing silent meditation after a good talk around the circle.

Robert is very much into dreams and we have a forum member, “soup,” who has been trying to generate a dream forum on our forums, so I encouraged him to begin posting his dreams there. It was quite synchronistic as he had wanted to do more dream work for some time but did not have the discipline to do so all by himself. Working with soup should help him to do this, and it will give her feedback as well.

I cannot say enough kind words about Jim McCarty’s help. Talking with Jim is a soul’s balm for me. I can lay a pattern out for him and he can look at it with an eye to finding solutions and also to offering simple support and both skills are markedly advanced in his personality. I could not possibly have a better life partner. I do adore that man! He covered himself with glory before bedtime by sewing the needed buttons on my “new” choir robe, which is actually a very old soldier! Now I do not need the safety pin! I am all set.

September 26, 2005

Having sung my first service at St. Luke’s yesterday, I immediately got snagged by one of those choir-related duties traditional to all parish chancel groups: a funeral. It is natural for a parish to need a choir for funerals and weddings, at the parishioners’ request.

I went but it was most unfortunate for me, as I had a recurrence of this chest/back pain that makes it very uncomfortable to take a breath. Singing the long requiem service did not help matters and I came home at lunchtime pretty wiped out.

Vara had come down to Camelot this morning specifically to sit with me for Denise C’s session, but she was a no-show. We waited a half-hour after the appointment time and then I followed through with e-mailing her to try to reschedule. Vara strongly suggested to me that I consider taking the rest of the day off because of my extreme physical distress, and I took her suggestion, so my day was entirely unproductive in terms of Camelot functioning.

In terms of my own spiritual process it was far more productive. Times of severe physical catalyst throw me back on to what I believe and how I live. It may be “the pits” as far as how I feel and what my emotions are doing, but those very pits create the need for me to redefine what I believe is happening. Of course I am biased but I believe this pain, which only cooperates at all if I am deathly still, is a clever and efficient avenue of psychic greeting. Especially because the symptoms mimic cardiac trouble—I had the classic “stroke” symptomology going for most of the afternoon. The idea, I believe, is to attempt to place me in a state of fear.

It is never a good idea to do that with me. I would think the fifth-density entity, if such it really is; who is the author of these greetings would have figured that out by now. Pushing me into a corner is just not a good tactic because it makes me ornery. Contrary, even. I begin reviewing who I am and why I am here, remembering that of myself I am nothing and it does not matter one whit what I get done. It only matters that I am faithful.

I spent my afternoon building my faith and my passion for the work we are doing at L/L Research. I affirmed over and over that all is well. I spent time rejoicing that our work is good enough to attract this greeting. I told over my companions at L/L Research like rosary beads, dwelling in gratitude for Gary, Vara and Bruce especially, and for all of those who work hard for us as volunteers one way or another.

Our group goals at L/L Research are developing as the community develops. Whether on Avalon or Camelot, our members’ hearts are stayed on serving the creator by thinking with passion, determination and persistence outside the box. The old paradigm has passed away. We are viewing its departure and it is not pretty. What is the new paradigm? It definitely has to do with group action. Synchronistically, the reading from Book I of Ra included this:

“Picture, if you will, your mind. Picture it then in total unity with all other minds of your society. You are then single-minded and that which is a weak electrical charge in your physical illusion is now an enormously powerful machine whereby thoughts may be projected as things.”

Becoming single-pointed in our visualization of the new paradigm is quite a challenge because we literally have to make it up. I do not have the concept in mind for this new paradigm. We shall need to create it together.

Continuing with synchronicity, also in the readings for the day was this, from the small book, Handbook for the New Paradigm:

“In the initial meetings of the small groups (like L/L Research) no one visualization is likely to appeal to all, so one suggestion shall be given as guidance: “Ask and it shall be given.” A composite will emerge that will provide the appeal when participation reaches a critical stage.”

Our meetings are on line and in virtual-land for the most part but no less real for that fact. I know we are on track in working together on this visualization process. We WILL live in harmony: with the land, with the elements, with each other and with the Godhead principle. All of us are set on the pilgrim’s way. All is well.

Gary transcribed the last remaining house session in the “in-box” today. Vara and I shared for a while just as girlfriends, since I was in such bad shape, and listened to Robbie Robertson and the Red Road Ensemble, a CD called Music for the Native Americans. My favorite line this afternoon: “You don’t stand a chance against my prayers! You don’t stand a chance against my love.” How true! Honorable fifth-density entity, whoever you are: I send you love. I pray my prayer. And you don’t stand a chance. You really don’t.

Bless Vara, who went out and found a needed rug for the upstairs guest room. I had intended to do this, but was hors de combat. Now we just need filing cabinets so the guests will have makeshift bedside tables and we shall have more places to store paper records in the Library, both financial and literary.

Jim did all his mowing and even got an extra two hours of weeding done for a neighbor and came home satisfied, as he had thought he would lose the morning to the last of Rita’s rain. We all retired early except Vara, who stayed up and feasted on TV and a late movie! The pleasures of Camelot and electricity!

September 27, 2005

Today dawned bright and cool. I awoke with the back and chest pain still there, but fortunately I had slept through until after 6 AM! This was a great boon indeed and I felt blessed. Jim and I did our usual Morning Offering and I did my puzzle while he “did” the sports and editorial sections of the paper and we had our modest breakfast—for me, crackers and cheese; for him, a piece of toast. I am a Gatorade fan while he drinks juice in the morning.

I had just finished the Camelot Journal entry for yesterday when Vara came down. She and I sat down for a tutorial on using the Calendar aspect of the Outlook program. I learned a good bit! This seems to me, along with the Contacts feature, to be a real asset for the busy person, and I have switched from using a “day book” where I write down appointments to using the Calendar to keep track of my schedule. It seems to be a lot more flexible, since when people and conditions change appointments, as inevitably happens, I can make the change without creating a mess in the “day book” where it is hard to read.

Vara and I had haircuts at the Images salon and then settled in for a planning session feeling spiffy and tidy. A great haircut is one of those female blessings hard for the male psyche to understand, but no less of a boost for that! We chewed over the web site work, the Wooded Glen after-work, my current way of scheduling time, my priorities and the chores we had on our mutual list. Vara suggested that I edit our most recent public meeting channeling before returning to the British editing from last June, so people coming to our site could keep up with those public meetings, and I will implement that suggestion. She will also look for the filing cabinets we need for the upstairs guest/intern room. I know it is not fashionable to use filing cabinets for bedside tables, but L/L Research paper records are escalating, and we need the storage space. There is probably not a room in the house, with the exception of the bathrooms, where I do not have some L/L Research Library and archive space! Camelot is a working environment! Everything has to function. For all of that, I think it is still very comfortable and a fun and pleasant place to live.

Vara’s main direction to me at the end of the session, when I asked her what her concerns were, was for me to make one day a week a “day off” for myself. Synchronistically, the hairdresser had just suggested the same thing to me, and Jim had said the same thing last night. I believe I shall listen to them all and do so, in spite of the fact that I am so snowed under by good work to do. To be in this fragile a condition is not desirable.

I got back to the computer after the planning session and worked for the rest of the afternoon on creating a letter I could send to all the transcribers from our old project, to find out whether they were interested in continuing to volunteer time on this next generation of projects for the archives. Then I began the process of writing each of the 30 transcribers. I wanted to write them individually, so this took a good bit of time and I did not quite finish before bath time. I shall take the project up again tomorrow. I have only about half a dozen letters to go to query all the transcribers.

Gary started working on finding quotes in channeling archives to answer the FAQ topics before going off to work as a server at Cracker Barrel, which he does part-time to pay his bills. I received more FAQ suggestions from Bruce. Once Vara, as well, has sent in her FAQ suggestions I will re-create that list using all the questions. However I believe I shall make a subdivision in the FAQs. There is the kind of question which asks for simple info and facts, like what the cartouches signify and why use the image of Don Quixote and then there is the kind of question which asks for information on Law of One topics. So we’ll probably end up with a sub-divided FAQ section so that people can find the question they want answered more easily. I spent some time before I quit for the day being sure Vara had Bruce’s suggestions as well as mine, so she could make her own suggestions without duplicating, and writing Bruce to express my thanks for the excellent suggestions he had made, not just on the FAQs to include but also for the further organizational suggestions, plus all the ideas he had sent on to me about improving our recording protocol for sessions. Getting truly excellent recording quality for each and every session would be wonderful, and it is something we have never yet achieved. Hopefully that is in our future.

Bruce is also hoping to create more “streaming audio” for our sites of previous sessions, and we talked about that on-line. It seems a good idea. We need, I think, to suggest to people that it would be helpful to us if they could donate a small amount, say a dollar for each download, as our expenses are ever mounting. Naturally we wish to make all things on site free. But asking for donations is not the same thing as withholding material and I think people often fail to donate because they do not realize that a dollar donation is not small. It is infinite! And the dollars add up, if people will just take the time to hit PayPal and donate that dollar for the good information they have gotten.

September 28, 2005

It’s been the silly season lately for me, life not making the usual kind of sense and my chest/back woes accelerating, and this morning started out on the same track. I awoke early and decided to check my e-mail before beginning to edit. What should I find but that about 600 e-mails had shown up in a folder called “unread mail” which I do not recall ever creating. Nor had I ever noticed it before on Outlook.

I looked in this folder. It held mostly mail from 2001 through 2003 which I had answered at the time, but it also contained almost all of my incoming e-mail from yesterday, almost all of which had to do with the new transcribers list I was trying to make. Had I lost all those e-mail I would have been not only puzzled but also quite hamstrung with the project.

I removed all the e-mail, item by item, deleting it because I could not use the click-and-drag function to move the letters. It would not work at all. I took the deleted folder, where click-and-drag still worked, and moved each piece separately, eventually placing the new mail in the Inbox and the old mail in the folders in which they belonged… or so I thought. When I finished, all the mail had ended up back in the “unread mail” folder. I repeated the procedure, deleting to the “deleted” folder but then taking the precaution of deleting the “unread mail” folder. Then I distributed the e-mail again from the deleted folder. This time the ‘fix’ seemed to hold. No editing had gotten done and I was gradually getting more sore in back and chest. My mind was trying to fixate on the un-done editing, which was my perceived chore for the day, so I spent some time affirming the basics: all is well, keep the faith level high. It sounds a bit Quixotic when one is in acute pain but that is precisely when such work needs doing.

I spent the rest of the morning clutching my hot pad to my side, inhaling the scent of the Flexall on my sore back and chest and attending to the new transcriber e-mail traffic, figuring that if the psychic greeting was trying to hide that e-mail, it would behoove me to get it dealt with soonest.

I was blessed to receive a kind note from Emily H. She had been unable to get her session transcribed for the last six months but still wanted to try, she had said in a previous e-mail. However, she had said she could not begin for at least two weeks. I had gently suggested she get really honest with herself and accept that she was too busy to volunteer for us.

I had feared she would be unhappy with my suggestion and with me, but—sweet balm—she understood. She will send her tape back for someone to transcribe who does have the “bandwidth” currently. I also had forgiveness for my other rejecting act of yesterday. Pickwick, our marmalade tom cat, who had awakened me at 4 AM and tried for a solid forty minutes to get me up and patting, and whom I had finally put out of my bedroom, also has clearly forgiven me. I thank heaven for that forgiveness from Emily, from Pickwick and from all! Indeed, after the luncheon with JoAn I lay down upstairs and Pickwick was on the bed with me, but stayed next to me, not trying to get on me or attract attention. He cocked an eye at me as if to say, “See, I get it! No more being put out of the bedroom for me!”

I kept a girlfriend appointment for a birthday lunch with my friend, JoAn S, which was just lovely. We had such a good time! However I came home from that luncheon completely wiped out, stove in and otherwise upscrod physically. I did manage to do the editing on last Sunday’s session but after that I had to give up the ship, at least for the day. Choir practice was out of the question, as I could not draw a deep breath without grunting in pain.

Another oddity of the e-mail today was the FAQs and Vara. She wanted to see Bruce’s suggestions for the FAQs so as not to duplicate them, and I had forwarded her the Bear’s excellent e-mail on that. It came back to me. It came to a fellow named Gary C but it did NOT go to her. In all I believe I did four separate forwards of Bruce’s FAQ e-mail before it stopped coming back to me or to someone else at random, seemingly. I can only interpret that to indicate the importance to readers of being able to access these FAQs, so my interest in getting those created and up on site is considerably sparked.

Gary came back from his serving job with the extremely thoughtful gift of dinner for Jim and me, his treat! We feasted on Cracker Barrel goodies, watched CSI on junk TV and found our beds early.

September 29, 2005

With continuing, substantial back pain greeting me upon awakening, I determined to yield the day to complete rest. I took some time to generate a journal entry for yesterday, bidding good-bye to Jim as he set off on a heavy mowing day and to Gary as he set off to do a double shift as a server, and spent some of the morning catching up with Vara’s log entries on the Avalon Journal, which were a delight. Then I settled in with some sci fi on TV. I ended up napping until lunchtime.

My funniest moment occurred when I had to sneeze early this morning. When spasms are ongoing anyway, the body knows it does not want to sneeze. I was only a witness as my body did all sorts of hilarious things to avoid the sneezes. Of course it hurt to laugh, so I could only giggle mentally, but it kept me amused for hours.

Linnie stopped by in the early afternoon with flowers and food for dinner for Jim and me tonight. What a wonderful gift! She and I talked about what L/L Research is truly all about, for she has been my friend since 1968, when I first became Don’s companion and met her through Don’s aunt and uncle. At that time, Linnie was living with Don’s Aunt Tot and Uncle Marion, as she and her husband, Larry, rented the basement apartment in their house. She knows well the story of Don’s and my getting together and of our dream to create a spiritual community and make our material available globally. She pointed out that it does not really matter if I do anything more physically in this lifetime. My true contribution is the way I think. Indeed, I believe this to be essentially true. Outer gifts and services are wonderful. It is, however, uplifted thought itself that is all of our greatest gift. Our value begins with who we are, not what we do.

On a day like this, it is so good to remember this and to rest in faith.

After Linnie left I went back to the sci fi TV and my napping until Judy C came over to offer me a Reiki session at 4 PM. That really helped make me feel better and truly, by the time she finished, I was in the best shape I’d experienced all day. A gentle bath and time with Mick moved smoothly into a sweet and early night. The difficulty breathing continues and I hope for a diagnosis and some idea of where to go from here as I anticipate a visit to the doctor tomorrow morning.

September 30, 2005

This has to have been the prettiest day for months, the sky crystal blue, the wind sweet and cool and the sunshine golden and clear as a bell. I set out early for a consultation with my rheumatologist, Dr. June. She thumped and listened, talked and noted down symptoms and came up with a possible diagnosis of a stress fracture in my chest bones somewhere or, alternately, new spinal problems pinching a nerve.

To rule out a purely rheumatoid flare-up, she took some blood for tests—the lab tech got a vein on the fourth try—and I have a full body scan scheduled on Monday to look for that stress fracture or any spinal deterioration. Meanwhile she prescribed some anti-inflammatory pills and a tummy-soother to protect against the side effects of the anti-inflammatory. Such are the ways of AMA-type medicine. I can only hope it will offer some relief from the presently constant load of acute, substantial pain.

Gary had gotten me to the doc’s office on his way to work and Jim drove me home, taking an impromptu break from his mowing. It gave us a most pleasant lunchtime together, a treat for us as so often, Jim’s too busy to eat at home during the week’s lunches. You’d think we’d run out of things to talk about, but mirabile dictu, we never do.

I was tired enough after lunch to nap for a while and then spent what small time remained before bath time working on forum posts on our site. I also took quite a bit of time just cleaning up at the desk in the Camelot office and on line. I think so much better when things are neat! The linens had come for the guest/intern bedrooms re-do and I got them placed so all Jim or Gary have to do is make up the beds with them.

Jim and I spent a bit of time in the evening with me showing him my data base of recipes, as he has volunteered to select the menu and recipes each week. He said he found it quite easy to do and was through with the chore in about ten minutes. It normally takes me at least an hour! Of course I tend to bring in brand new recipes which I have found on-line or which people like Jim C, who sent me a rippin’ recipe for broccoli chicken bake last week, mail in, and then I am tinkering with the new recipes so that the size of the recipe fits our needs. Then I get to reading the recipes and I think, well, obviously this needs those herbs and that spice… so I guess I make the work harder for myself. Jim is never troubled by such considerations. I think everyone except me would gladly use the same few recipes over and over, figuring they are tried and true.

So I am half delighted that this problem was solved so easily and one more thing is now off my plate and half disgruntled that we shall be having repeater food! Is this woman never pleased? LOL!

We got a late call from Serge D, who had come into town on the off-chance that he could visit us. I had encouraged him to come for a Sunday meditation and asked him to let us know which weekend he was coming so we could make plans. He may well have done so, but that would have been after I went down like a stunned ox with this latest body drama of chest and back pain, so I had not confirmed. Unfortunately, I really cannot be a good hostess this coming weekend. Thankfully, Gary took hold for me and talked with Serge, who was very understanding about my being under the weather. He will wait until Sunday to visit and come an hour before the public meeting. I should be able to cope with that OK. I wish I could have done more for him. However I am out of gas! And for once I do know that, and am taking the best care I can of this brave and gallant body which has carried me around so beautifully for so long.

September, 2005

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September, 2005