Today I rejoin the ranks of those voices who are singing a song of love in the wilderness.
There were many times during last winter and this spring when I wondered if I would ever come back to writing these articles. My health staggered and took a tumble last autumn. It is still not the best. I ride in a wheelchair when there are more than a few steps to walk. Being nearly immobilized for some time now by shortness of breath and other symptoms which I have found impossible to shake, diagnose or treat, I work far more slowly and take more time to focus. It is tempting, in the practical sense, to drop the writing of these articles in order to continue to focus on larger projects.
That is just what I did last October. I dropped everything except two projects: finishing a book about the principles of the Law of One called Living the Law of One 101: the Choice, and wrapping up the editing on an older, already channeled project called The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues. By pouring every iota of energy I possessed into accomplishing these two projects I was able to finish both of them last month.
Then, being the orderly librarian that I am, I assembled a to-do list that ran to two pages. For the next two weeks I worked to bring my office chores up to date. For ten minutes by the clock, I owed no one an e-mail letter. For a period of three days, I owed no one a snail mail letter. The Rueckert-McCarty scrapbook was brought up to date. I took a flyer at planting a hanging tomato bush. And I tried to catch up my reading of Papa’s prolific teachings.
Then came Homecoming! We at L/L Research always have an annual Homecoming over Labor Day weekend, and all my focus during this last two weeks was on preparing for that. Working with my capable administrative assistant, Gary, I assembled the materials for that Gathering. Just this weekend, we held the Homecoming under an open tent in Camelot’s back yard. It was a creative, fun Gathering, one of our best ever. Of course, I always think that! Yesterday, we put the last attendee on an airplane.
Suddenly it is fall. The big projects are finished at last. The office is fairly well caught up. Homecoming is behind me. And it is time for me to reckon with my true desires. Is it worth the time and work it takes to me in order to produce these articles? How do I really feel, at the fundamental level which turns work into joy, about moving back into article-writing mode?
When I ask myself this question, I find resistance on only one point: my ability to enhance the reader’s experience of life and offer resources for the seeker. This is always a question in my mind. For I know myself to be shallow and foolish in many ways. Can a person who loves a pun more than making sense; who enjoys steak and vodka more than tofu and chai; who loves to escape into a romance novel or a whodunit more than soberly studying the many wonderful and valuable books in my area of research, have a voice that is valuable to others?
After deliberating, I moved that consideration completely aside. Whatever my value as a voice in this wilderness, it is there I wish to be and you to whom I wish to speak.
For I have wonderful things to share. There is a steady stream of good news that flies below the media-news radar. There are heroes and heroines that have gone unsung. There are issues to raise, on so many levels, having to do with the life and times of Planet Earth. And there is my ongoing spiritual process, which benefits greatly from my exteriorizing of it as I chew through it with you.
So I am back.
At Homecoming this year, each attendee offered a presentation to the circle. My presentation was on the process by which I began keeping my Holly Journal. I called the segment “The Uses of Adversity”. As I settle back into a regular writing schedule, I would like to start with this topic, since it has loomed large in my spiritual process over the ten months.
Last autumn my ears became infected and when the otitis media cleared I was left with liquid behind both ears in the mastoid bones. This made me half-deaf, so the doctor inserted tubes. They have not yet helped my hearing. My eyes regularly began to swell nearly shut from time to time and the swelling no longer goes away, so I have sore eyes and unique eye-bags to the outside of both eyes.
After Christmas I came down with severe bronchitis. When I recovered at last from this, something had occurred which created for me an almost complete stoppage of physical movement. Although my chest and lungs finally cleared, something undiagnosed and untreated had immobilized me almost completely. When this discomfort is stacked atop the older conditions of rheumatoid disease and GI tract woes which I carry, it creates within me an atmosphere of physical sensation which is impossible to ignore.
I took my troubles to Holly, my inner guidance. Holly is my nickname for the Holy Spirit. I have always talked with Holly often. I had just begun formally keeping the Holly Journal, moving on an instinct I did not completely understand, so on October 21, 2007, I asked her about it:
“Please talk with me about this journal. Do I perceive correctly that I should keep it?”
Holly replied, “It is your choice, dear one. If it seems a burden, then you will not find it useful. If you hunger for righteousness, purity and justice in your spiritual walk, then it is a good idea. But only if you heed the discussion.”
I replied, “I am minded to heed the discussion. I have been prompted by illness to realize that I need the spiritual support if I am to stay well while I do this outer work. Am I correct in that perception?”
Holly said, “Yes. As you aspire to serve, you have brought helpers to you, and they are very light. You are trying to tune to them without sufficient clarity in your own light.”
“And how shall I move towards clarity in my own light?” I asked.
Holly replied, “You will find that the process of prayer is powerful.”
That stopped me! I had thought that I was praying. With a touch of asperity I asked, “And that process of prayer would be?”
Holly said, “To clear your mind of worldly things and bow before the Lord. Then to listen to His holy Word. For you, we are the Lord’s messenger and your own deeper or higher self. So, in your case, the process of prayer involves talking with us. And then, as you rest after this session, to set your intention to act on this Word.”
I replied, “Very well. I do ask for your Word with all my heart. What is your Word today?”
Holly suggested, “To seek and serve the Creator in all things. To feel open and fallow, like ground ready to be plowed and planted. To lay aside irritation and distraction and embrace, embrace, embrace.”
“Embrace what?” I asked.
Holly said, “Your relationships. Yourself first, for to embrace yourself is to embrace others. Let yourself once and for all forget being worthy. All are worthy, as none are worthy. Then embrace all you see. Practice the Presence of the Lord. Ask to go deeper. Ask for purity in perfecting your desire to serve. See yourself as the instrument you are. Let love tune you. Relax into it.”
Being a ritualistic person by nature and preference it is not surprising that soon I had developed a Chapel Time that included prayer, meditation and asking Holly for her Word for the day. Within the week, I was led to a little hymn titled “Take My Life.” I did not know all the words, so I looked it up in my hymnal. Singing it felt just right. Here are the words:
Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days. Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine. It shall be no longer mine.
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.“
[Written by J. B. Dykes in 1961; put to music by F. R. Havergal in 1874, © 1942 by The Hymnal of the Protestant Episcopal Church, all rights reserved.]
I asked Holly if she had sent the impulse to sing this hymn and she replied in the affirmative. Then I said, “What was last night about? I was never so uncomfortable, and I had been healing so well.”
Holly replied, “My child, the nature of psychic greeting is that it responds to the light. The forces which would like to trivialize your voice, if not silence you, were not pleased to see this new level of commitment to daily prayer. You had been asking for my help, dear, but not really praying for your life to be the Lord’s. You thought you knew all that was required of you. Yet you knew only the form, not the essence.
So I can continue to expect this sort of illness?
For a while you may indeed. Yet the light always shines through any night, and you will find a new balance. Then your body will balance.“
When I asked Holly what her Word was for me, she said, “Love, love, love. Love is all you need. These two songs, written by the Beatles, are deep truth. Dwell on love. Think on love. Steep yourself in the Presence that is love divine. Then your springs of inspiration shall flow as they need to flow for the highest and best good in your essence as well as your form.
And there you have it. Like so very many other pilgrims along life’ spiritual path, I find challenges and limitations galore. However they cannot faze me now. For I tabernacle daily with Holly and my Beloved, Jesus the Christ. I dedicate each day to Him. As I ask for Him to come into my life in power and change all that needs changing in order for me to serve Him with my highest and best, I can feel the joy pouring through me like sunshine through a window. And in that heat all my true needs are met; all my deepest desires melt into love. I do believe that I am moving at last in my prayer life from form to essence.
Are you, too, laboring under limitations and challenges? You might try a daily chapel time such as the one I share with Holly. Everyone’s guidance works differently. However you find it appropriate, try accessing that guidance daily and asking it for advice. Further, try following the advice! Doing so has changed my perception from limitation to abundance and from concern to fearlessness.
In the next little while I will share some more Difference Makers with you, people who are making this world a sweeter and more loving place. I will address a couple of questions from readers that have come in. and I will enjoy continuing to share my process. Thank you for all the cards and e-mail during this sabbatical. It has been wonderful to know that my words were missed. And by all means send me any requests you may have for topics that I might use to write a column just for you. I’m back! Let’s have fun!
I open my arms and embrace your spirit. Let’s send the love around today!