[overview] The topic this afternoon has to do with communication, especially communication between partners or people who are very close in their relationships, where we would expect that such a situation would lend itself to clearer and easier communication than one with perhaps a stranger. What occurs frequently is that there is a difficulty or a baffling in the communication, where even though both people try to their best abilities to communicate clearly, there is something that injects itself in the communication that causes a difficulty or a muddying of the communication. What would be the advice in such a situation? Would it be better if we attempted to stick it out and work as hard as we can with the person and to finally achieve a mutually agreed-upon clear communication? Or, when you find such difficulties and they recur, perhaps as a pattern, is it better to look at yourself in the contemplative or the meditative state to see if there might be some kind of an internal blockage or problem that you are working with in that particular area where the communication is unclear? Would that be an avenue that might provide clarification, not only to that particular communication, but in your ability to communicate in general? What would be the advice in such a situation as a way by which we could clear our communication?
We are those known to you as the principle Q’uo. Greetings to each of you in the love and in the Light of the one infinite Creator. What a privilege it is to be called to your group this day and to rest in the beauty of your vibrations as you sit in meditation. We would offer to you our opinions this day upon the subject of communication, more especially, the problems of communication with those with whom an entity communicates most frequently, those best known, those most familiar other selves within an entity’s environment.
As we speak of communication in this light, it is well we begin by pointing out that the difficulties of communication with strangers are far more easily addressed by linear linguistic analysis than those difficulties in clear communication harbored by those whose interactions are numerous and have taken place over a substantial period of what you call your time. If there is a misunderstood word betwixt oneself and another self which is a stranger, there is either the prejudice which is generic—the one not knowing the word feeling the other is a snob, the one knowing the word feeling that the other is ignorant—or there is a querying as to the meaning of the not-understood word, and communication resumes quickly. If there is a point of view that does not make sense to another’s point of view, strangers may well say they do not understand. Again, communication breakdown is not at all probable, for it is more obvious that there needs to be a question for information.
There are many cases where, because of deeply ingrained distortions in concept about the nature of certain kinds of entities, whether the prejudice be racial, or economic, or social, or intellectual, breakdowns in communication will follow more closely the pattern of breakdowns in communication amongst intimates. The more heavy the bias or distortion, the more frequent the breakdowns and the more characteristic is the underlying cause being a distortion of mind which refuses to admit certain information from certain types of people as judged by the communicator. Now, let us move into the area of your query this day.
Moving back beyond the beginning of a relationship, moving to a time before there was a relationship, each entity within the relationship was an entity unto itself, yet beneath that truth lay substrata of influences carried into the incarnation and further distorted by early experiences with other selves in the intimate family circle. When two entities meet, they are seemingly to each other fresh out of the bandbox: sparkling, virginal and new. Yet in each case, the surface appearance deceives, for each carries a tremendous baggage of previously held biases, some of which might be contradictory to the self, yet equally strongly held, many of which may well be self-destructive. These biases and distortions of opinion are as much a part of what is to be called good about an entity as those things which seemingly would be more apparently good, clear and positive traits such as honesty, judgment and fairness. For each eccentricity, each distortion creates a catalyst with regard to the reflections given to the other self in an intimate relationship, a catalyst that the entity would not have if there were no distortion whatsoever within the intimate mate or companion.
So, as the one known as Jim was thinking and feeling earlier it is indeed true that miscommunication, as well as communication, is good and proper and to be appreciated. Even with clear communication and no bias, errors in transfer of opinions, concepts, processes of learning and ideation will occur. There is not such a thing within your density as perfect communication, certainly not while words are being used. So we do not suggest devaluing the self because of biases that seem to thwart easy communication. Before any relationships have importance enough that they constitute that to which attention must be given, lies the attention to the self, to the grasping of the generalities about the self, while respecting always the infinite mystery of the self.
The life experiences need to be examined, not simply analyzed, but felt and considered, somewhat out of focus, in their relaxed and reflective manner so that patterns will appear, so that dream material can be correlated to events of the day, so that all of the parts of the mind and the deep mind may, in that relaxed state of mind, merge together to form new possibility, new avenues of thought, and a grasp of situations, so that new ways and tools may be found to forge simpler and more lasting bonds of word in body motion, making communication lighter and clearer and more lucid. So, as always, the work with another begins within the self and communicating with the self. When your feet are on solid ground in regard to the self, there is then the placement of the pivot, the point of balance, the fulcrum, the place from which one may move without losing the balance, without toppling too heavy a load, and without toppling as a life experience as one falls completely away from balance in a traumatic situation.
So we assume as we go on that it is understood that always the work by the self, for the enlightenment of the self, be undertaken in a humble but daily method or manner. Emphasis being given not to the length of the experience, or the perceived depth of the experience, but rather to the purity of intention to seek, to desire to know the infinite One, to feel one’s ground as holy ground, and to discover the will of the infinite One for the self in service to all other selves. If this be daily, it need not be elaborate, and the elaboration may come as each entity finds its own path and its own most efficient way of processing information, insight and depth of worship.
Now let us see two selves: A and B, shall we say. As they meet each other and begin to build a bridge of communication, the first efforts at communication may well be very unsuccessful, but may also be quite undervalued if A and B are extremely fond of each other. It may not seem to matter so much what is said as the fact that there is the sound of the voice wishing to speak, and that feeling of one who wishes to hear what you have to save. This communication level is so satisfying that there is very little editing of information, and all kinds of information are allowed into the mind’s memory without editing or rejecting. This is a very efficient way to communicate, for a large base of data is gained.
The secret to this type of communication is the refusal to interrupt that which another is saying, upon both A and B’s parts. This joyful type of communication bubbles forth when each experiences the other for the first time, when history must be learned, and it is particularly exhilarating. More than entities realize is communicated during this period in which the subjective evaluation of information transfer is that much has been lost because of the bedazzlement of infatuation, love or friendship. However, insofar as this has been the first and imprinting information, it does remain the very most important and deepest of the information base and is the basis for communication with the other entity until such time as any misperceptions in the original communication base have been discovered and work has been done to reprogram that misperception so that it reflects more accurately the true nature of the other self.
We may look at the base of information, then, as a kind of bottom of a pyramid. For as the time moves by in its perceived stream in your illusion, fewer and fewer bits of information transferred seem new to the self about the other self. A knows more and more of B, and begins to predict more and more of those things which B will tell. B does the same with A. A and B discover they have swapped their history to the point that there is less and less new to be learned. The base that was once so broad has been built on and built on until all of those things which are central and predictable within the terms of that special relationship begin to overshadow the entirety of the information base, and the useful bits of information are now perceived to be fewer and simpler and larger.
A and B begin to predict that which the other will think, begin to assume that they will have a certain reaction to a certain question, each from the other. We are not talking here about those times when A may be upset or angry with B, or B depressed or upset in some way. We are speaking of two entities of good will who have begun to assume that he or she knows the other entity.
This is the central difficulty in communication between intimate companions. Each entity has very riveting experiences, certainly, and much behavior is predictable, certainly, but the possibility of depth, eccentricity and nuance is prominent in any exchange of information which deals with deeply felt things, especially. And it is skillful not to assume that anything is known. It is skillful to listen precisely to what is said, and not to what is assumed to be true if that is said. This is a subtle point, simply because entities do not realize how many assumptions they make about their intimate companions. Such assumptions may be in general true, but all spiritual truths contain paradox. And no paradox is plainer than that every rule has its exception. Every generality that you use to predict your companion’s way of thinking and behavior will have substantial exception, and this exception is most important and needs to be given pride of place, needs to be given that blank space where there are no assumptions yet, in order that a difference may be explained.
How then does one move into an awareness of the assumptions one is making? And perhaps should not make? We may suggest, not the walking away from the conversation, nor the working harder at the conversation, but a shift in the direction of the conversation. For in conversation entities normally tell each other things. In the midst of perceived breakdown of communication, we would suggest for those who are in deep distress, that perhaps a brief song, wise word, or some brief seconds-long ritual of centering, even in silence with held hands, provide a new base, a new place for two spirits to begin a different kind of communication. When this has been achieved, then we would suggest this general approach: Let either one begin by saying, “This is my reality. I know I have created it myself. And I am aware that there are things in it that are misperceptions. Otherwise, we would not have trouble communicating. Let me tell you the world that I, at this moment, create, and how in my world I am seeing myself in perceiving you.” This is done without interruption. Then the other takes the responsibility for the self, too, and says, “This is my universe. I am aware I have created it and I allowed and am alone responsible for it. In my universe, I have created my feeling this way, and feeling that you feel this way.”
These are not declarative statements alone; these are statements that are also requests, requests that the other not only state its reality that it has created, but also that it speak quite directly to those things about the creation of that entity, which is the self, that the other entity feels have biases that are not justified by that which the other entity’s creation contains. It is a feeling of the way, a moving back from an addiction to fact. One moves away from knowing what one knows when the blockages of communication between two intimates are to be cleared away. For it is not only the words themselves, it is the assumptions that have been created through years of repetitive actions that can destroy communication so effectively.
If there is the expectation, and it is not owned, if there is the prejudice and it is not owned, if it is not brought out into the open, how can the other entity do anything but respond to the feeling that lies behind the statement, which is seemingly innocent and harmless. So when there is a blockage that is inexplicable, it does not have to do with vocabulary or amount of information given. Then it is that one begins anew at another level of communication: a telling of the story of the self, a speaking of the legend of the moment. “This is what I have created. Respect this, but tell me what you have created, and I shall respect that.” And from this exchange, all differences in perception may be communicated back and forth, back and froth, until the two creations have a consensus reality, special to those two entities at that moment in the combined myth of two entities upon a journey of seeking together, thus unifying what was broken, and healing that which was sore and painful.
This does not mean that agreements can be reached in which each party feels the same, for each entity is unique and each path is different. Yet, if free will is respected, we feel that it is always possible to come, if one is humble enough, to express one’s perceptions and misperceptions as one who is responsible for them, to come to some mutually acceptable pleasantness and unity, wherein each respects the other’s points and sees what preferences caused the other person, who is quite honorable, to continue to hold a varying opinion.
Agreements do sometimes occur, but this is not the goal of communication. The goal of communication is the exchange, in freedom and peace, of information. To have an addiction to agreement is the same with the answer as having an addiction to fact in posing the question. Fact is to be released, for there are always exceptions. Agreements are to be released, for there are always possibilities of two unique points of view, both of which are correct in the personal truth of each. Thus, free will is preserved, mutual respect is given, and respect to the self is also given.
Now we would only touch less centrally upon what would seem to be clear, that is, that other disturbances in the life pattern, changes in work, in geography, in circumstance, the loss of friends or family, these and many other things can cause one to be quite erratic in communication skills. There are two ways to deal with this truth. One is less efficient but more merciful. The other is more efficient, but does not partake much of tenderness.
It is the nature of each entity to move as he will between these two types of coping with special problems at special times. The merciful way to cope with an entity which is under tremendous strain is to move away from speaking of serious things, to attempt to give support, and to attempt to share the laughter, and to attempt to find ways, always to make merry and to, in the deepest sense, distract the entity from gazing at the situation which is so difficult and so puzzling because of its newness, and because of the grief and pain of loss. A far more efficient way to deal with this type of situation, which is special, is to continue to communicate as if both entities were not under stress. To continue to take responsibility for creating the universe in which each is living. This will lead to a large volume of communication. It is, however, a very efficient means of assimilating and aiding each other in assimilating the processes of change, wherein much old information is found no longer to be useful and must be, as this instrument would say in computer language, “dumped,” and that energy of the dumped program used then to create a new program, if you will, a new software program that will work in the new reality, which is perceived as true by the self.
Neither way is more correct than the other. How one deals with special circumstances, how one deals with self-pity, with sorrow, with all of the tragic sentimental and enfeebling emotions connected with the reactions of loss, pain, and limitation are equally acceptable. The less self-destructive that they are, may we say, the more efficient. Consequently, if one perceives oneself to need to cry, to feel self-pity, to feel weak, and to feel helpless, then by all means we suggest feeling this way; but feeling this way when it does not infringe on communication with others. And if one must feel this way in the company of another, it is well to communicate simply that one is incapable of clear thinking, thus again taking responsibility for the inability to communicate clearly before difficulties have arisen because of these special circumstances. Some entities need very badly to act out all of the anger, pain and frustration of loss, whatever it may be. Others find themselves more invigorated by distracting the self, and moving positively in any direction while allowing the work of change to be done more or less subconsciously.
This information is known only to the self. And it is the skillful spirit which knows the self well enough to allow it the tenderness it may need or to give it the action in all directions that it might need, but in each case being responsible enough to say to the companion with whom one must communicate, “I am being unhappy now.” Or, “I am behaving in a manic way now, because this is how I need to deal with this trouble and sorrow. Consequently, I will not communicate well, and if I become troubled, I ask you please, to [for some] hug me, [for some] reassure me, [for some] leave me alone.” Each entity may fill in the blank.
However, my friends, most communication problems between those who are intimate are those of assumption and the lack of knowledge of the programs that the self is running. As you sit in meditation each day, if you find yourself coming to the end of your meditation and you see that there may be time for prayerful quiet thought, and something is puzzling you, set your mind upon it gently, lightly. Don’t worry about it or attempt to untangle it, but gaze at it. There it is, this thing that seems rather fearsome; this place where one cannot communicate with another. There it is. Look at it. Do you fear this? What do you fear in this? Do you fear abandonment? Do you fear a loss of love? Do you fear being completely understood? Do you fear being right? Do you fear being wrong? Where there is a blockage, somewhere there is fear. Rest and gaze and sit with this companion of yours that you call a blockage, and when you again come to that state of mind, move to that again and rest and sit and admire it. And one day, it will burst into a candle flame and lucidly, clearly show you the untangled, the clear situation. For you ask, and so you receive, not in the time of humankind, but in the time of knowing, when you are completely ready to accept responsibility for the knowing. Be patient in these searches of the self, with the self, for your time of knowing may be now, or it may be some time from now, but once you ask, you may be sure that you shall know.
May you have the faith and the grace to have that patience and to seek in that steady persistent manner, regardless of circumstance. It is to the humble persistent seeker that doors are opened, questions are answered, and desires are given. Often not as you would expect it, but in the end in ways that always seem to contain so much more than you ever thought possible. May glory be with you in the harmony of the process of pilgrimage. In darkness and in light, in pain and in joy, love one another, my friends, and realize that you are never alone, that you always have the help of those friends who are unseen, those energies which are those of grace and clarity, beyond all human understanding.
At this time, we would transfer this contact to the one known as Jim, if this entity would accept it. And we would leave this instrument in love and in light and in thanks for this instrument’s willingness to serve in this way. We are those of Q’uo.
I am Q’uo, and greet each again in love and in light. At this time we would offer ourselves to the speaking to further queries, if there be further queries upon the minds of any present. Is there a query to which we may speak?
[new speaker] Carla
Well, I guess the thing that puzzles me the most is that you are into a communication blockage before you know it. The kind of work that you were speaking about seems like you are like two blocks ahead of the place you are supposed to turn off before you figure out that you should have made a turn. How do you get back to where you can say, “Wait a minute, this is the way it looks to me. Is this the way it looks to you?” You have already gotten stuck. There are emotions, not just words, but there are emotions.
[Side one of tape ends.]
I am Q’uo, and am again with this instrument. We are aware of your query, my sister, and would suggest that when you become aware of the turn that was made at some point previous to its realization, that you state that fact as soon as you can, so that there might be a reevaluation of the conversation. All of your interaction with others is that which is of the moment, that which is inspired by the thoughts that spring both from your own mind and from the mind of your fellow creatures as you attempt to communicate and act together in a certain fashion. As there is a movement away from the desired objective, the noting of this movement is that which is most helpful in bringing both entities once again into the alignment that each has desired, whether the desire is spoken or consciously recognized, or not. For you are more than you think you are as you interact each with the other. You have your histories with you, both that which is known and that which has become unavailable, shall we say, to the conscious mind, and these histories are a kind of momentum that are colored by experience so that there is an unknown factor in all intercourse, the factor of the creative expression inspired by that which is within the experience of one or both entities. As you find your interchange of energies, of ideas, of directions, of feelings, moving in a fashion which becomes uncomfortable or unfamiliar to you, then it is your responsibility to note this deviation and to move again toward the desired objective that you have set before you.
May we speak in any other fashion, my sister, to this query?
[new speaker] Carla
I have one more question. It may not be worth anything, but I was thinking about the model of the triangle shape that you showed, or the pyramid, and I was thinking about our actual situations, which is that, although we do get a broad base fairly early in life, still, if we don’t limit ourselves to that base, we use that broad base and we get even broader if we don’t insist that we are this kind of person or that kind of person and hold on to those early things, then we do what the model was in the renaissance of man, and that was just to have more and more options of ways of thinking and ways of processing information and so forth. And that’s true of other people, too, so that instead of the model being a pyramid, it would be more like a trapezoid, I guess you’d call it, with the top side broader than the base, but not an upside-down pyramid because you don’t really start with just one thing as a very young child. You get everything at once, but always with that kind of pulsar center of the essential self, so that it is not that we are getting more scattered. Do you see what I am saying, and does that make any sense as the kind of model that we might be trying to keep in mind for ourselves and other people to open up the possibilities? They might be different this time than they were yesterday, or last year.
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. Indeed, the triangle shape is one of the simpler models that can be used to describe an entity and its base of experience and information upon which it shall draw and build further experience in the life pattern. It would more nearly be correct to look at each entity as a faceted gem with many sides and many angles or perceptions on a number of topics, for each entity has within it the ability to pursue interests in a wide variety of fields of endeavor that will enrich and influence the further learning and growth of the entity. So that when entities gather together to share that which is theirs to share and to learn that which they desire to learn, one may see the shining of the light of this desire through the facets of the gems which each entity is, and as the desire is moving through the different points or angles of perceptions, there will be a light that is bent in a certain way as your white light is bent and separated into the colors of the spectrum as it moves through the prism. Just so is the desire to learn and to share, in its movement through the faceted gem of each entity, bent and colored by the experiences, the information, the desires and potentials that are within the entity and which make it a multi-layered being. Thus is intercourse or interchange between your entities enhanced and enriched.
May we speak in any other fashion, my sister, to your query?
[new speaker] Carla
First, let me thank you for that answer. I’m going to have to read it to get it all, but that really sounded rich, meaty.
I had one other question that just came to me as an image. The triangles again. I was thinking about how we do have an essential self and if it was a triangle, then it would start at the point and not get very far out before it began the line through the very essential middle of the shape of the triangle. And if you took the triangle of one person with the point upward and the triangle of the other person with the point downward, and you moved them together until they sort of clipped into place with that central essential point in alignment and agreement, then you would have a six-pointed star which is the symbol of the white, Western, Christian magical tradition. I was wondering if there was truth there of the magical way that people can interact if they are linked together, because if you can follow the image, when the six-pointed star is made of the two triangles that move together with one point up and one point down, the essential selves would look like a pencil that is sharpened at both ends within the triangle, and it would also then look like a common crystal, a quartz crystal, which is known to be magical, but only when it is charged by a magically oriented entity who holds it in the hand and is itself crystallized. Are we crystals to and for and with each other? And does our communication, our coming together, have that kind of absolute magical nature, if we can find it?
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. There is much within your query that is fertile ground for communication and we shall chose only the most basic portions to comment on at this time. Returning to your original image of the two triangles coming together in a manner which creates the six-pointed star, one may look upon each entity as having the mind, the body, and the spirit sides of the triangle, both in the conscious and in the subconscious realms, shall we say. So that each entity is both that which you may call male or conscious, that which you may call female or subconscious, in that the functions of each of these portions are somewhat different but complementary. Blending the two together in a balanced fashion creates that which you have called the six-pointed star that makes available to the entities all of the experiences during the life-pattern so that there is very little that remains in the shadows, shall we say, or in the distant memory, yet affecting the present experience. The entity that has been able to gain a knowledge of itself to this degree is the entity that has increased its crystallization, shall we say, its regularization so that when it desires to move in a certain direction, it has at its disposal all of the energies of its incarnation, both those that are normally conscious and those that for many remain subconscious. Thus, its resources are greatly enhanced and it may move with more certainty along any line of desire that it constructs for itself due to the regularization of its mind, body and spirit complexes on both the conscious and subconscious levels. Thus, each of you is truly a crystallized being, becoming more and more crystalline as you discover those facets of yourself that have heretofore been unavailable to you as resources upon which to draw for further problem-solving, shall we say.
Is there a further query, my sister?
[new speaker] Carla
No, thank you. That’s more than enough. I take it that the question about that general line thinking might be a group question at sometime.
I am Q’uo. And this is correct, my sister.
[new speaker] Carla
Very well. Thank you so much, Q’uo.
We thank you, my sister, once again. Is there another query at this time?
[new speaker] Questioner
Yes, what suggestions would you have for stubborn pride that keeps people from taking responsibility for themselves and communication?
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. If that, as you have called it “stubborn pride,” which blocks one’s ability to assume the appropriate responsibility in communication and relationship, resides within one’s own being, it is well to take that concept as an image into your meditative and contemplative or prayerful states and look therein the silence within at that quality, observing how, as the pebble thrown into the pond, it ripples outward in all its affects and effects within the life pattern; to see a trail of its experience within one’s being and to trace that trail to its source so that whatever impulses or experiences were the genesis of this trait may be looked at and reexperience in a safe environment, perhaps within this same meditative state, so that the entity which experienced this need to behave in this manner might have a chance once again to re-respond to this situation and fashion a more helpful means of response to others.
If this trait is within one that is close to you and not within the self, there is far less that can be done, for the desire the work upon those qualities which are seen to be hindrances to affect teaching and learning need to have an inner motivation in order for any actions to be effective in removing or balancing such traits. One can make the suggestion that such a trait exists, and can be worked with in a helpful manner. Various suggestions can be given, as we have suggested to you in the working with such in a quiet place and quiet moment within. One may suggest that such work may be accomplished together if the other entity is in relationship to the self in a close enough fashion to allow such work, and for it to be appropriate. In most instances, the general run of the day, shall we say, the interaction of entities in a normal way, as the daily round of activities moves in its pattern and each entity within that pattern will provide the periodic mirroring effect where this trait of pridefulness will show itself, and at those time there may be a gentle reminder made that will allow the entity with this trait to note its presence and also note its effect upon the interaction that is being mutually experienced.
Is there a further query, my sister?
[new speaker] Questioner
No, thank you.
I am Q’uo, and we thank you, my sister. Is there another query at this time?
[new speaker] Carla
No, I don’t think so, not from me. Thank you, Q’uo.
I am Q’uo, and again we thank each for allowing us to speak to those topics which are of importance to you. And we would take this opportunity to remind all present that we do not wish our words to provide stumbling blocks upon your own journey of seeking. We suggest that you take those that have meaning to you, and leave behind those that do not. We are those of Q’uo, and at this time we shall take our leave of this instrument and this group, leaving each, as always, in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are known to you as those of Q’uo. Adonai, my friends. Adonai.