The question this week concerns the process by which we can release our suffering, get to the bottom of the suffering, find the causes for it, and make our way towards that quality which we might call joy. We’re wondering if Q’uo can give us some idea about the process through which we go to release the suffering and what role joy has, and also, is there a discipline that we can utilize or a process through which we can discipline ourselves to release ourselves?

(Carla channeling)

We are the principle known to you as Q’uo, and we greet you in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator, in Whose service we come to you this day. My friends, the circle of seeking that you have created is a dazzling display of light and color. The combined field of your energies is perfectly beautiful and we thank you, as flowers of the field of Earth, for coming together and setting aside this time as sacred.

We search for the truth as well as you and we are fallible, so we would ask, as always, that each of you guard your hearing and your taking in of information carefully. Only you are the authority for yourself. Only you can discriminate for yourself as to what you feel is right for you to work with as an idea and what simply leaves you cold. If anything we say resonates to you, then by all means work with it. If something we say does not resonate for you, we ask you to toss it aside, carelessly, thoughtlessly, without looking back. It is not for you, not now. With each of you doing that, we will feel much more free to speak our minds and to share with you in these clumsy things called words. We thank this instrument for the service she provides, but she is translating concept into words and there is always something lost in the translation. So what we can share we shall. And above all, that which we share is beyond the words, as you know. It is the essence of our and your energy together and for that shared energy we are profoundly grateful.

You have asked this day concerning our thoughts on how to release and let go of the suffering that you have experienced and that has become embedded not only in your surface memory but in those parts of the self that lie in a geography that is beneath the surface of self. You have asked us, basically, how to become miners and how to find and process suffering. There is indeed a process involved and yet it is not necessarily a process which takes time because it exists in time/space rather than space/time. It exists in a part of the memory that is not of your physical body or your physical mind but rather is a part of your consciousness. In life, as you experience an incarnation, the space/time and time/space components of memory and mind play back and forth. Dreams and thoughts and daydreams and imagination and the processes of internal review make a kaleidoscope that is constantly shifting between two worlds.

You, to some extent, have facility in shifting back and forth betwixt mind and consciousness, but the differences are subtle and it is well to realize those times when the nature of your personal reality shifts from the third-density concerns of mind to the multi-density concerns of time/space, which we would describe as that of consciousness.

We cannot promise you solutions for suffering but we can talk about some of the things involved in finding, in processing, and in releasing catalyst that has been, shall we say, undigested and buried in order to preserve the goodness of catalyst until it has been thoroughly used up.

The work of the one known as Ron, creator of the materials for Scientology, and the work of the one known as Silva, in creating the techniques of Silva Mind Control, both speak of embedded pain and its nature as being that which is underground in the unconscious part of the self so that one really must go after it. The hints that there is embedded suffering that one can go after are part of the everyday surface experience of life. You are taken out of your normal, peaceful mentality by something someone says or some act that you observe that creates in you a response. And you note, if you are clever and are watching yourself—which is always a good idea—that that reaction was out of proportion to the event that caused the reaction. That is your prime clue that something is going on within you that is in need of exploration.

As we have said to this group before, most embedded pain has been buried long ago when you were young in incarnational age and small in body. In childhood, you are undefended and those things which hit you hit you hard. You have listened to a lot of opinion from people that you perceive as God-like: parents, teachers and other authority figures. And you try to accept the things that they say and make sense of them, and judge and evaluate experience using those guidelines.

A couple of things happen. First of all, those very God-like entities that seemingly are the source of nurture and care create pain in their dealings with you, and you do not know what to do with the pain. It is not as though you can leave these people and choose to live somewhere else. In order to deal with living with someone you have come to fear as well as trust, you create within yourself a place to go in which you are safe. This asylum that you create for yourself is displaced from all others but yourself. The cost of creating such a place is the removal of your full self from the interface between yourself and your most intimate family life. Whereas in some mythical early babyhood perhaps all was well and there was no feeling of fear or distrust of the environment that was your home, fairly early you developed a sense of caution. And this has affected your ability to meet life with a full, frontal embrace.

For some entities, like this one whom we use as channel at this time, there has been a reintegration of a great deal of self with the immediate environment and, indeed, it was a process that was years in the making; a process wherein this instrument deliberately and consciously returned to the family environment and interacted with each of those entities from which she had come to feel displaced until she was satisfied within herself that she had again achieved a complete integration of herself into this original home so that there was no more fear in that place.

It is a rare entity that is able to do this work fully. Perhaps the parents have disappeared because of death, divorce or some other means of removal of those people from the environment. Perhaps there was such damage done that there is not the possibility of being able safely to go through the process of reintegration with the childhood environment. Whatever the reasons for an inability to fully come back into the original home within the memory, within the consciousness, and accept it fully with trust and love, the lack of that original goodness of home bears on the rest of the incarnation in terms of creating an environment in which the personality shell carries those original wounds from early childhood without being able to process them.

Certainly, there are opportunities later on in life, when one has grown up in terms of physical body adulthood, that are painful enough and displacing enough to create further pockets of pain that are then again buried because one is not able to deal with them fully at the time. The one known as Ron calls these pockets of pain engrams, and we feel that this is a handy word and we will use that word. We are simply speaking of crystallized memory that carries with it an emotional charge. We do not need to define suffering because each of you has suffered and knows the nature of human suffering. You know the many colors and textures of pain; you know how it can hit you full-face or from the side or from behind, and how each of these ways of being hurt has its own presence. You know how your emotional and nervous systems respond to these assaults and you know how just thinking about certain things that have happened to you can create the whole environment in which the suffering occurred for you as if it were yesterday instead of thirty years ago.

That is the situation for each of you as far as what this instrument might call baggage that you carry and do not even know that you are carrying. But as the one known as C said, when she gripped the courage fully to face herself and ask to be shown by her guidance system the suffering that she was carrying, she was overwhelmed with the richness of her load. Each of you has a suitcase full, shall we say, of real gems of pain and suffering that are neatly packed away, waiting for you to return to them, and, with love, to lift them to the light and to work with them.

Now let us talk about joy. The one known as R1 said that he wondered if joy and discipline were somehow incompatible, that perhaps if one were joyful one did not have discipline or somehow discipline might not seem to be that which would produce joy. And yet he sensed that discipline may be involved in discovering joy. As it happens, this instrument is more familiar with the landscape and the environment of joy than most because of what she would describe as brain damage. There is a much stronger link in her energy system between mind and consciousness than is usual among your people, and this entity toggles up into consciousness more often than not. When one is within that part of the mind which we would call consciousness, the default setting is joy. The nature of the one infinite Creator is joy. We might move beyond that word to the word ecstasy. We might even move into the word called orgasm, for the default setting of the creation and the Creator is absolute and infinite joy. In terms of your experience of it within a third-density body, it is orgasmic. In terms of consciousness—which is that which you carry within you at a deep level in incarnation and out of incarnation—it is simply that constant radiation of unconditional love which is like an infinitely rich experience of the most joyful and light-filled sense of self that can be imagined.

Each of you has a core self that has nothing to do with the way you express yourself, what you do for a living, how you speak, what your educational experience is, or any of those details. That essential self is a self that you share with every living thing in the creation. And that essence rests in joy. For this instrument there are many times when she simply moves into that place of light and is lost to the consensus reality around her. Among your peoples, this state of mind is called mysticism and the gift that this state of mind offers to the one who slips into that ecstatic state from time to time is not a gift that can be shared, except in essence. Each of you can perhaps recall moments seeing something beautiful in the natural world or in the world of art or music, dance or just a moment in time when everything seemed right, that you got a whiff, a scent, of the perfection of all that is. My friends, this is a true perception.

You do live, regardless of the appearances around you, in a perfect creation where all things are evolving at the rate at which they can evolve. You brush up against an endless stream of other selves in your everyday life and they all have their perfection already within them. And so each of them is to you as a reflection, as a mirror, and you see yourself, again and again, in everyone you meet. Different people show you different sides of yourself. Certainly, many of the mirrors are crazed, as in a funhouse at a carnival and you are too tall or too wide or bent in the reflection. And yet it is you. What is that reflection attempting to show you? The questions, the process, are endless. And you are like a detective in a way, or one who puts together a very complex and three-dimensional puzzle. You create the world, again and again, new each day by the way you put the pieces together, by the way that you read the mirrors in your environment.

Consensus reality has a strong tendency to pull you away from consciousness into mind, away from joy into the concerns of the everyday, away from the unity and the peace and the power of your natural essence into the endless stream of detail and the constant rearrangement of detail to make structures with which you can live, within which you can work, and from which you can learn.

Where does discipline, then, come into this process of mining your engrams, bringing them to light, and working with them? There is a tremendous discipline involved simply in keeping your mind on track, in, as several have said in various ways, remembering who you are and why you are here. It is not a discipline that is rigid. Certainly, one with a sense of a discipline may create a rule of life in which there are certain things to be done each day in order to create the most favorable environment for spiritual evolution. There are those such as the one known as R1, the one known as T, and the one known as Carla who strive each day to set aside time for meditation. They do this because they have found that it is helpful. There is a fruit to this discipline of silence. But we are not speaking here of that rigid kind of management of time. Rather, we are speaking of the discipline, of the management, of mind, of thought, shall we say.

What have you thought about today? What of those thoughts have you taken seriously enough to listen to? Do you listen to your thoughts and do you follow them? We recommend it. The clues for where pain lies are embedded in your everyday thoughts. Certainly, it is helpful to use dreams, because dreams are the conversation that your consciousness has with you when it finally gets a chance for the floor. Your mind has been filibustering all day in endless conversations about how to do this and why to do that and you become mired in details. During your dream time, all of the things that you shoved aside because you really did not have time to think about that now have a chance to spring up and up they come. Listen to those things in your dreams that do come up, that you can remember. But more than that, listen to the seemingly trivial thoughts that pass through your mind during your day, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life. And when you begin to see a pattern, think about it, follow it, pursue it as if you were a lover and that pattern of remembered pain was your sweetheart. What alleys and doorways you go through in pursuing that pain are out of time and out of place, existing in that closet, shall we say, within that haven that you created as a child. Your safe place has these treasures stashed away, safely stored until you get back to them and take them and look at them fully and lovingly.

You will predictably feel a good deal of resistance around doing this work. These things were put away because there was enough intensity and fear surrounding them that you felt unable to deal with them at the time that you experienced the catalyst that was the original wound. Taking it out again, you will experience all of those feelings. This instrument was speaking with the one known as Vara not too long ago about the nature of puncture wounds. [Vara and Carla] had both experienced puncture wounds and were talking about the fact that they cannot heal from the surface down. They can only heal by being exposed and healing from the bottom of the puncture upwards to the surface. Digging at an engram is much like this [in that] you are finally opening that place where there was infection, if you will. You must let the sunshine of your love and the rain of your faith cleanse that wound.

Interestingly enough, once you set yourself to do this work, the process can happen so quickly that your reaction to finding the source of that particular pain finally is joyful laughter. You look at that pain and experience the deep humorousness of that moment. For pain, once exposed, once seen for what it is, is not at all the monster that you hid away and the relief is palpable, the joy is intense, and the reaction is laughter. We hope that as you find these engrams, as you love them and look at them straight and embrace them as the wolf that bites, you will find that deep humor and that reaction of laughter coming to you.

Sometimes the process is not so speedy. Sometimes that is not the bottom. Even though you find that engram, it is attached to other engrams. You have created a network, a spider web, if you will, of connected pain. And you have connected pains that you have had later on in life to an even deeper pain. So sometimes the search for the true bottom of that particular pain is a search that must go on for a while. Be patient with yourself if this is so. Keep digging, keep mining. Realize that, just as in underground lodes of minerals that create gems, your pain has been under tremendous pressure for a long time. The common coal, shall we say, that was the original pain has gradually become diamond-like. It is not sitting there with the original blood and sweat on it but rather it has been recreated within you as a gift, as a treasure. Within you, in the nodes of pain, lie beautiful colors that you have earned and are a part of you that you would not wish to do without. Perhaps they are dark colors, certainly. But as part of your palette of creation, they give to your expression an incredible amount of depth and richness as you lift them from their storage into the light of your open heart, appreciate and give thanks for these gifts and these treasures.

The one known as R1 said earlier that he was finding in his spiritual search that the direction is from complexity to simplicity, and that he rather liked that direction. And we say to you as well, when your life has become truly yours, when you have found the freedom to be yourself, you will find that life has become very simple. Certainly, in terms of the details of the day, life is seldom simple. But in terms of knowing who you are and choosing what you wish to put your energy and time in on thinking about, each time that you are able to shed a layer of falsity from your own pattern you will find that you have simplified the life because you have been able to simplify your thoughts. The one known as Ra said many years ago that it was helpful to think this thought, to ask oneself this question, “Where is the love in this moment?” When you ask that question, you open your heart

[Side one of tape ends.]

When you open your heart, the Creator embraces you and shares Its heart with you and when you and the Creator are one and abide in each other [then] all things are one and filled with love. May you come often into that open heart, into that consciousness of that one Creator. And when you leave those precincts to attend to the details of the day, may you go forth carrying that essence with you. The radiation of that open heart blesses all whose lives you touch and is your gift to the creation, the Creator, and all those whom you meet. There is no better gift, my friends, than your beauty and radiance. May you trust and have faith in yourself and may you come to know more and more deeply that you carry within you the truth and the freedom that that truth brings.

This instrument is telling us that it is time for us to open the meeting to further questions and so we allow this to be the response to that wonderful question. We just thank you for asking such a great question for us to work with. It has been a real pleasure and we have not done it justice, we know, but perhaps we shall have another go at it at a future time.

Is there another query at this time?

Yes, I have a question that I spoke of earlier to the group about meditating when one is feeling down, depressed, just bad about things in general. It should be the time when you go to meditate but I find it very difficult to do that. Could you comment on any ideas about how to help yourself make the situation more conducive at that moment to meditate when you are in a bad frame of mind?

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. The tendency of an entity who is distressed or depressed is to wish to seek a numbness, a lessening of the jangling of the nerves or the awareness of the pain involved in whatever has caused that kind of discomfort. And certainly, when one moves into meditation, the opposite effect occurs: the sense of reality becomes sharper and the landscape clarifies. Therefore, it is natural, my brother, that you would find it difficult to move into the silence, for that silence speaks and those still, small voices that speak in the silence tell uncomfortable truths and bring up material that simply intensifies and sharpens the original discomfort.

In one sense we would say to you it is a good discipline to go ahead and move into that silence, despite the resistance. However, we might suggest that it would be helpful to you, if you decide to go that way, to create a routine that is in the creation of the Father, as this instrument would call it. The meditative walk through the natural environment gives the process of meditation the boost of the support of the first and second-density creatures: the earth, the air, the fire, and water are around you in the creation, as are second-density entities such as trees and plants and those entities such as birds and animals with which you share the creation. Their nature is not trammeled with third-density concerns and so they are instinctively supportive of you, my brother. It is very grounding to be in touch with the earth. This instrument, for instance, finds it helpful simply to pull a few weeds at the end of the day, not because she is making such a huge difference in her garden, but mostly because the contact is so soothing and so beneficial to her.

Sometimes it helps to change from an indoor environment or a working environment to the natural environment. It is not that it softens the blow of silence. Silence can be very confrontive. Meditation can be uncomfortable when one is dealing with things one does not understand. Yet we encourage you to continue the discipline of meditation and simply change the venue, moving from the civilized and domestic environment of house and chair and so forth to the stillness of motion as you walk and take your meditation, with motion being a part of it.

We would also comment on that which the one known as R1 said at the time that you originally had spoken of asking this query. The one known as Ron said that he had found it helpful, when one was mired in terms of one’s own process, to get out of that box of self, to focus on doing something for someone else. We would agree with this assessment, and say that it is a tremendous help to the process of understanding the self to get out of the small circle that one has worn in the carpet by going around and around the same thought, lifting oneself into another environment, looking at another problem, looking at how to serve another entity. All of these are very helpful in terms of freeing the self up from a bondage which has not been perceived but is very real. For one ties oneself into a pattern by habit and it helps to pull oneself out of it.

We would say, however, that it is also helpful to realize that doing this is a technique which bypasses the inner work in any direct manner. So it is well, say, at the end of the day to come back to that concern in a contemplative setting and to ask yourself at the end of the day, “What do I still see here? What is catching me? Where are the triggers involved in this situation and how does my highest and best self see into this situation, given that love and that wisdom that have come to me in this day?” For you truly have grown today. So it is helpful, shall we say, in the evening or before you go to bed or as you are going to sleep to move in a peaceful and contemplative way into your own thoughts once again, asking yourself what the harvest of the day is. What have you gained, what have you released, what has caught you, and why?

The one known as R2 said that he distinctly remembered reading many times that we have said it is the questions that you ask that are truly valuable rather than the answers which you receive. Let yourself be curious. Let yourself ask. Be bold. For you see, what you are trying to burn through is the numbness and the resistance that you have learned to defend yourself by using in your daily life. You want to get to that place where you are in the default setting and yet you are kept from it by the cotton wool that you have battened in order to protect yourself. Wonderful is that moment when you blow it all away with the true wine of unconditional love and acceptance so that you are in full body contact with yourself, your essence, and who you really are. These are times to be prized, remembered and found again and again.

May we answer you further, my brother?

I had another thought. I hate to take so much time but it occurred to me, while you were speaking there, of course, a very good way to get beyond those bad feelings would be to develop a true sense of appreciation for the catalyst that was coming your way and causing this depression or whatever it may be. But it also occurred to me that deep down, maybe a person harbors anger about the incarnation that they’ve come into in this life and if one is able to forgive one’s true self for the cards that were dealt in a particular incarnation, to truly forgive, this would help the entire situation. Could you comment briefly on that?

We are glad to comment on this observation for it is excellent and profound. Again we have trouble dealing with this in words because it would be handy to think of this sort of process as having a beginning, a middle, and an ending. But in actuality, in consciousness you are swimming in states of awareness. And because you have come into a state of awareness once does not mean that you have finished a process. It means that you have found yourself in a certain state of consciousness. Once you have found it, at least if you trust in yourself, you can believe it and you know it is there and is something that you can seek once again. But spiritual evolution is not a straight line, it is a spiral. It is like you are walking up stairs that move around the hub of self in terms of your experiences so that, as you come to that same place again, you can say to yourself, “I recognize this place, this state of mind, I know this, I’ve been here before,” but you actually are in a different place, because you have spiraled into that place and you are now, shall we say, at a different rung on the ladder, a different level of awareness. You learn from everything and you carry everything in whatever state of learning has processed through you.

It is most true that a great incarnational lesson that is common to all those who take incarnation is simply forgiving oneself for the choices made in coming into incarnation. Before incarnation, everything looks pretty easy. Standing outside the incarnational miasma of what this instrument would call the world of maya or illusion, your memory is intact. You understand who you are. You understand the goals and the missions that you have set for yourself for this particular incarnation. You understand the use of pain and suffering and the necessity for it, the gift of it, indeed. For it is this very displacing pain that alerts one to some situation that needs to be worked out, some patterns that needs to be resolved. You see it all very clearly and as a whole. Then you plunge into the womb and the parents’ arms, and everything clouds over and nothing is simple. Until you enter through the gates of death into larger life and again regain your complete memory and are able to see your life as a whole, the incarnation itself is spent with at least a substantial portion of your time being given over to trying to figure out what the situation really is, what is really going on, what you are really seeing, what you are really hearing, what is really coming into your perceptive web.

Here is where faith enters in. By faith, you can simply affirm that all is well, that what you need is coming to you, and that what you have to give is something for which there is an audience. By faith, you can know that you are useful, even if you are stuck in bed, sick as a dog, and unable to do anything. By faith, even if you are stuck in a job where you do not see how you are truly helping, you can know that you are helping [because] you are you and the love with which you do that job is the greatest gift in the world and one worthy to be given. We ask you, then, to explore that resource of faith and to ask for help because there is a strong support system available, designed specifically for you and involving quite a few entities who have been drawn to you because of the beauty of your soul and the fervor of your seeking. They must be asked before they can help. Once you ask for this support, you will find it everywhere.

May we answer you further, my brother?

No, thank you very much.

We thank you, my brother. Is there a further query at this time?

Here it is, another year I’ve been given the opportunity to learn. Derby’s coming up next week and Wilko and Afleet look pretty good. Can I put five bucks on a horse for ya? Can you give us a little inside scoop here?

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. It is good to feel your humor and your energy and may we say that we would never bet on a sure thing. We will leave that to you.

Is there another query at this time?

Well, not from me.


Well, I lied! I got another one. Stepdaughter is soon to give birth and we’ve gotten some information on this new baby, this new entity coming in, and I’d be curious to get your perspective and your thoughts and your impressions on this new soul.

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother, which actually is not a query at all but a request for observation on the miracle of the infinite moving into illusion. May we say that each soul that enters into incarnation at this time is a pioneer of fourth density. This entity, like so many entities being born at this time, shall have a specific set of difficulties which are the result of that dual activation of third and fourth-density bodies. The challenge for such entities is to find those about them which are aware of their uniqueness and are able to work with them as equals from a very young age. We congratulate you on this miracle and encourage all within the family to rally around this soul. As the one known as Wordsworth said, there are streams of glory around any birth. 1 The radiance around any soul fresh from the Creator is a wonderful thing to see. May you see yourself in this new child’s face. May you feel yourself to be as new as this child. May you give yourself the opportunity to live a new life.

May we answer you further, my brother?

No, thank you.

Is there a final query at this time?


We are those of Q’uo, and find that we have once again exhausted the supply of questions in the group. May we say what a pleasure and a privilege it has been to share energy with each of you. Thank you for this opportunity. We leave you as we found you, in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. Adonai. Adonai.

  1. This is a misquote. Here is the original quotation, from the long poem, “Intimations of Immortality from the Recollections of Early Childhood,” by William Wordsworth:

    Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting: The soul that rises with us, our life’s Star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar: Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come From God, Who is our home.“