CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.
Dear R,
One of my rambling specials, not knowing at this point whether there is a side two, but realizing the value of bureaucracy, I here distinguish this from all other days. I was working through a long batch of tapes, working on some channeling and life difficulties that a student had handed me to check over and see what I could fish out from the lot, and at 4:10 yesterday, the 6th, EDT, a kind of cluster of thoughts about you that had been floating into my mind for some days (actually off and on ever since you left) hit with quite a bit of force. I thought, Well I really need to write R even though he hasn’t gotten in touch with us and undoubtedly is far too busy to listen to a tape. But I need to make contact. Coincidentally, your very brief letter with a check in it, for which we thank you, came.
Point of procedure on those checks, you have no idea how helpful they are. We do have a few people who are experiencing jobs in which they are making big bucks and who have the incredible generosity to share some of that largess with us. It makes up for a lot of people that order everything and send us a dollar, or prisoners who have virtually no money at all at 20 cents a week or something. It is really incredible, and somehow it all balances out and it is only because of people of your caliber giving amounts that are sacrificial, so from the bottom of my heart.
But point of procedure was that it would probably be better if you made it out to the Rock Creek R&D Labs Inc. rather than Jim McCarty. We have never taken money for doing what we do. We feel that all that has happened to us has put us in a position to enable us to live modestly, but comfortably and to live a certain kind of life and to live far more than the average bear (as Winnie the Pooh would say), in a spiritually-centered manner. This is what we have had to offer to the world and it is precious to us, and consequently aside from the odd-face job, for which I cannot thank you enough, the joy of that being in my future is one of those things that I cheer myself up with when things look a little dim, and there have been some dim months for the last two. I have had a real siege.
That way, you see, if you make it out to Rock Creek, it is much better for you because you can take it off of your taxes at the end of the year. They haven’t done anything to the schedule A in terms of the cash given. It is my guess that you are able to use Schedule A for you are undoubtedly paying interest out the wazoo on whatever shack you’ve got that costs however many hundreds of thousands of dollars. I know how it is in California and I imagine that the money that you have given wouldn’t hurt at all coming off of that income tax. Of course, you’ll get credit and it can be proven that those moneys were deposited—the cancelled checks are your proof, but you know, in the Rock Creek/L&L. It is Rock Creek because that is Jim’s organization, by the way.
The reason for the two names is when Don and I got together in ‘68, we gradually realized that we needed a name for us so we called ourselves the L&L Company, not knowing that you can’t call yourself a company unless you are incorporated and we checked into it and realized that we didn’t want to pay business taxes so we remained unincorporated. Jim, on the other hand, became incorporated as a 501C3 public charity. Well, actually, I don’t think his originally was public charity. It was an initial ruling and not a final ruling in ‘78, but his was Rock Creek R & D, but he didn’t produce much fruit. He gave a few workshops. He was trained as a the survivalist as well as a metaphysician and he has a lot to offer actually and I think later in life, more and more of his stuff will be used because he really can survive. I think maybe some of those things, people will appreciate those kinds of practical teachings perhaps at some time in the future.
I know I enjoy them. He has made our world into a little magic kingdom with his ability to make things grow. Anyway, he had an organization and Don and I had the publications already out under L/L Research. The L was Love/Light or L-kens and Carla L. Rueckert and the slash was because of Don’s being a physicist and l over l equaling l or one. He liked that touch.
We went to see our friend attorney who suggested that we simply vote ourselves into the Board of Directors. No problem there. All of the other Board of Directors were very happy to not be Board of Directors any more because by then, they all scattered and couldn’t do any business much anyway. And so we would be the Rock Creek Research and Development Laboratories, Inc. dba (they always write dba, sounds like some dentist’s disease) L/L Research. It works out fine. The paper work does fine, but you are probably better off writing Rock Creek R&D Labs, Inc. because that is the organization which does issue the statements to the IRS that you have paid so much. You might also check into your company’s policy. Some companies match donations to a 501C3 organization, which we are. We are a public charity. I worked my little fanny to the bone when Jim came aboard. I had experience doing this with one other organization. I knew what you needed to do to get the rating of a public charity. How to put down all of the donors by name so that the IRS could see that this wasn’t a little family thing where you put the money into a foundation and then you did your little research, but it was satisfying private needs and was not a public charity. It was a private foundation. And the public charity ruling is more favorable in terms of if somebody wants to leave a bunch of money when they die, or something like that, and the favorable ruling is the one you want to get so we got that.
No problem. We have all of the paper work for that all carefully put away. Point of procedure. We thank you, we thank you.
We will never be able to express our gratitude to people who are with us, what we do, what we care about with every fiber of our being. We are excited. We really live lives of joy and peace and are uplifted by the people that we hear from every week and who come see us and of course, the channeling itself.
I never can finish counting my blessings. There is always something else that comes to mind.
Change of topic. I want to give you a lot of credit, R. I want to give you a huge amount of credit here and the reason is this. Pardon me for any false assumptions I make and correct them. But my assumption from meeting you, being with you to the extent that I was, is that you find it very difficult to trust, especially a woman. I don’t think you find it easy to trust men either, but I think it comes a little bit easier. Your qualities are the qualities that I picked up on. They are not macho. I am not saying that. I am saying that you are a masculine man. That you think in clear terms. That you need a gentility to life, and that women have often disrupted your life and for no good reason. That their judgment has proved faulty. Their courage has proved inadequate to deal with you somewhat and that in general you have just experienced women in such a way that you have a natural prejudice against the sex; so do I actually.
I have all of my life. It is just a matter of observation. Women are taught to get back at somebody by doing something sneaky. Men get back at somebody by putting a snake down their pants right out there in the open where everybody can see it. Of the two, I much prefer the masculine straight forwardness and actually have a terribly large helping of straight forward blindness to me, which combined with compulsive honesty, makes me a devastatingly, if hopefully, precise instrument, not a blunt instrument, but definitely someone who could be hurtful. And I don’t want to be hurtful to you. And you saw that. That is what I am trying to say.
It is my business to behave towards the people who come to visit with me and if there is something I can learn. I learn from everybody. We know all about learning and teaching and teaching and learning, two sides of the same coin. I end up learning more than my students and that is the way it always is. That is what makes it so exciting.
You trusted me. I could see it. Not at first, but by the end of the time that you and I were here, you could see that I had no hidden agenda with you or in general. I appreciate that. I think that breaking into the house of trust is like breaking into the kingdom of heaven. It is a wonderful place to be with somebody and I hope that I can always be a worthy friend and teacher. I have never broken anyone’s trust that I know of. That is about all I can say. God knows what the future will hold, but I was always the one who held the monopoly. I was always the banker doing my job. I have no propensity for vice. I don’t know why, but I am a very straight forward cat.
So you, daddyo, come upon the scene the first week in August. I firmly hope you can make it and am looking forward to seeing your sweet face again. And I pondered the harvest of feelings, classes, that you were experiencing from the catalyst, a very stiff catalyst is yours at this point. (Pardon the fluffing noises for I am fooling around with my mike and pardon any body noises that I may make. I still have a gall bladder stone that Dr. McCoy somehow missed when the gall bladder was taken out so I am still having a lot of really, troubling, disgusting symptoms and making noises in my GI tract.)
Let me focus in on this and see how I can help because I want you to understand that this is not criticism. This is an attempt to talk about the three lower energy centers and the clearing up or the balancing of those. You have no reason to expect criticism from the way you have been acting, towards yourself, towards your wife, towards your home life, towards your job, any of that. So it might seem that your work on the lower three energy centers is okay because you are being a gentle person and acting in a civilized way and in a service-to-others way in every way you possibly can. And you are doing your best.
The way I see my job is to try to help you to bring the view away from the mirrors of this catalyst that you are getting. In other words, away from the relationship with the wife, most especially. To a lesser extent, the relationship with the job.
And your relationship to your sexuality in such a way that you can do some inner work on knowing yourself better in those three energy centers, bringing the sense of flowing balance to all of them and affirming, affirming, affirming that they be just wonderful, the energy just be great, which means that you have got energy shooting more and more available up to and through the heart center.
Because we are going to be here the first week in August“ and there is a July day or two in there too, but the cusp of the two months is to put some people together that I think will be enormously helpful to each other, but I couldn’t possibly predict how it all happens. Every time we do one of these things, it happens differently, but it always happens in a remarkable way and you’d be surprised. I am always amazed at the wonderful cornucopia of wisdom, and compassion and caring that the students give to each other and the little bit that we do. Then the students just all work on that and it gets all talked over and it is just birds-of-a-feather time, and I so look forward to it. I really do.
I have been feeling poorly for a long time and I may be feeling poorly then, but as I told Jim, I can lie in one place and do this thing and this is what I do and I think that it was given me to do this as an enormous blessing. A way to be helpful when no one could, in their right mind, expect to be a vital, helpful force. Somehow this has been provided and I am real gung ho for it.
The women that you will be with are not difficult ones. One of the ones who may come I haven’t met yet. We may get a lovely earth mother type from West Virginia, I think, mountains, the Appalachians. She is very psychic. She does a lot of healing. She is skilled at massage. She has prematurely gray hair and some of the prettiest boobies I’ve ever seen if you like the big full long kind. I do. I think that, well naturally, I have small breasts, thin and look like a dancer and so consequently obviously I think that voluptuous women are all the rage. We are never satisfied with what we’ve got. Right? She wants to work on her channeling.
We have a woman who is in transit, moving from Atlanta to Kentucky so she can be either my student or Lee Schultz’s student in Lexington. I don’t know which of the two she will choose. She does have considerable psychic ability, but suffers from a terrible love of authority and truth has nothing to do with authority. I believe it was Frances Bacon who said, “Truth is the daughter of time, not of authority.”
Who else? This new lady that just wrote and wanted to be my student and doesn’t live far so we shall meet and at that time I will decide if she is to be invited.
And then my pick of the litter is quite beautiful, quietly beautiful, but very beautiful, ash blond, long-haired missionary’s daughter, who swears. I mean she is not still the missionary’s daughter. She has experienced a lot of life and living and heartbreak and she is no goody-goody, but she is quiet, and gentle, and funny, and sweet and a lot of other things. She has a playboy figure that knocks your eyes out. She has no idea she is pretty. In every way, just a lovely person. Like I said, I can’t help it. You just like some people better than others and of the women, I probably would pick K to live with, and E, the earth mother second.
I definitely would keep a couple of houses between me and C because she talks too much, but I’ll see if I can get her to be a more careful listener. She actually, in person doesn’t talk so much, but I’ve spent two days now listening to her talk about herself on tape, and so my feelings are a bit jaundiced. This woman is capable of major league talking, but the whole weekend she was here, she did not do that so I think we are safe.
All of the people have gifts and they want to work on them and they are sincere and magic things happen in this house. It is a very quiet process. It just sort of steals into your bones, but people always say that it has definitely been worthwhile so I look forward to it, and in order to help you have a better time, I need to talk a little bit about these energies.
God give me the gift to talk about delicate subjects without seeming to be judgmental, because I really am not. It is just that I have found that the disciplines of the personality come from being able to stand very firmly within yourself, trusting no authority, and yet having total faith in the rightness of what is happening. This means that you look at what is happening and you make no conclusion about it. You simply ask the question, “Where is the Love?” And when you have rustled that one out, then you have a feeling about it.
Now overtly, your red ray center is doing just fine. My radar isn’t down and I picked up a virile energetic sexually active, happy-about-it guy, normal. A high degree of sensitivity, other things, sort of piled on top of that basic instinct, but the basic instinct is alive and well and thank God for that R. Thank God for that because a lot of people get snagged on that one. They don’t feel desire. I think you do have a sense of yourself as a man of power, a man of passion. Hold onto that at all costs. No matter what happens in any one relationship, you need to have a feeling of your own passion and the wondrous beauty of the human animal.
It is interesting. Animal is seemingly a word that connotes lower bestial kinds of things, tooth and claw and all of that. Animus and anima are words meaning soul or alternately meaning the part of oneself that is of the other sex, and if the soul stuff of that other sex, so I don’t know where animal comes from entomologically. I guess it is probably from that Latin animus soul, but the link between the red ray and the soul is profound. So I think the first job in dealing with red ray is to see the virtue of it, to see the beauty of it, to see the rightness of having passion.
Unfortunately one tends to engage in sex with a significant other as they say these days. The significant other may be treating you real well, maybe treating you in a biased manner that causes catalyst of the negative kind. I heard a man profoundly distressed about sexual sharing, a lonely and alienated guy, and I don’t think he told me more than 10% of what was really on your mind. I just felt the really deep emotional confusion, I think, the sort of feeling of, I’ve done everything right. Why isn’t this working right?
What we need to do first, as we discussed this, is to get off of she is wrong and I am right or she is right and I’m wrong, or I’ve got to do something in connecting with her. Although it would be nice if you can improve in your ability to serve by sharing clear red ray. The actual putting into manifestation of this might be some time in the future for you. You have been wounded deeply, and life with another person is all about trust so what you have to do is go back into yourself and do a little creative thinking. Do a little imagining. Imagine reasons why a sexual and emotional sharing can get disrupted.
For instance, I will give you the example of my illness. If Jim had really looked at me at any point within the last two months, I hardly see how he could have developed any desire for me. I may be hard on myself. There may be something fetching about being in the midst of gall bladder surgery and arthritic flare-ups, having a tube sticking out your side, and a dressed bandage, and a nice big scar and all of these various things that is fetching. I have yet to be shown that any of these are fetching.
Now, the natural thing for me to do would be to say, “I look like shit. I feel like shit. I can’t possibly be sexual.” But I didn’t do that because I know that sex is my life line. It is the only time I’m out of pain when I am awake. I don’t know why that is. Fancifully and with no regard for anatomy, I simply tell myself that you can’t feel pleasure and pain together, unless you must use the same circuits to the brain or something. But I can honestly tell you it’s a little bit of heaven for me and I am not about to cut myself out of it.
So when Jim, treating me as if I were just normal, makes an overture, honey, I get it together to overture him back. It is something I do to my head. It is not something I do to my body. The body follows the head. Jim, I’m taking the liberty of pretending to read his mind and I could be quite off. He likes my body, but he is feeling sexy towards me because I think I am always there for him. I never turn him down. I never have a headache. I have never had in my life, sexual, no, dear, never, ever, so Jim trusts me. His sexuality is strong. We’ve had to work around a position for me, etc., but our sexual energy isn’t just clearly each other. It is active and clear for each other and really for our circumstances, as far as I am concerned, especially during the period I not only have gall bladder surgery, but I was still trying to wear the braces on my feet to correct the hammer toe that went all wrong. I’ve given up now. At least he doesn’t have the braces to deal with.
Where this applies to you is in the category of: imagine yourself to be this student, this archetypical student of the way to the face of mystery. You know that you’ve got yourself, what you can pick up with your senses and your intuition, your intelligence, and what you can do in processing that information. That’s what you’ve got. It is a subjective world. I’ve never encouraged anybody, and I never will, to believe anything. I am not sure about anything, but I know the journey I’m on. And I have faith in that.
In this journey, what we are involved with, it is very impersonal. Where we want to get to is a place in each energy center where once we have made a commitment to be with someone in a certain way and it affects that energy center, we will be unaffected by the apparent catalyst because we will be deeply interested in understanding the dynamics involved in forgiving. In other words, being the other person, feeling intensely that experience that person is going through. Forgiving that person for being the person that it is, and forgiving the self for being the self that is finding catalyst instead of love in the moment.
We don’t shove the catalyst away. We want the truth, but by constantly moving into the mind back to love to what a kind of life we want to live, we begin to see a frame-of-mind in which we are sitting, or standing, or walking about or flying in the air around the side of a ball, spinning in space, very tiny, very insignificant, very ephemeral, very precious because we are little bits of All There Is. That little bit that we are, the little bit that we are responsible for right now is called a life. The way I see it, the way we live that life is the same thing as the person sitting down to write a great poem, a long poem, like people used to do. A poem of deep inter-relationships and meaningless, full of inspiration and tribulation, a gift of a life to God. That is what we do time and time again to try to improve our biases and try to bring ourselves more into balance. Try to ease the distortions.
I am not saying to you, “Does your wife ask you again and again to say the same thing over and over?”
Obviously there is much that you could say about your wife. That is not the point although it would be handy for you, would improve your apparent catalyst if you could do those things and I can tell you as a woman, that as a sex (and I’ve repeatedly said to you that I am not fond of the sex) because of the training it gets in taking instead of giving and in consuming instead of offering for some reason, I believe that it is probably almost entirely a cultural problem. Women are trained to need to hear certain vague and comforting phrases like “love you.” Women are trained to be able to release great amounts of anxiety when they are held. Women are trained to feel reassured by love making because they are not trained to claim their passion.
I was. I was the daughter or two very Bohemian artistic parents and there wasn’t any question in my mind that my mother had as much passion as my father.
Consequently it never occurred to me that I didn’t have any. So I am different, but I do understand the things that women go through. I go through them too. I go through a hormonal imbalance every month that leaves me completely crazy. And Jim and I, when I say something that makes no sense, look at each other and then look at the calendar to see if it is my fit. If it is my fit; Jim knows exactly what to do. He gets me as comfortable as he can and puts something on the tube and when I get to that point, my hormones are crazy, I just ride it out until I can go to sleep. When I wake up, I’m better. It is a fit. It is like a storm cloud. There is nothing that you can do about it.
I understand that after the change of life, this kind of thing is even worse because the hormones are changing again. It is a silly body. Bodies are ridiculous, but that is one of the less fortunate things about females.
I tell you this, like I said, not because I want you to act any differently. That is not the point. The point is to start getting a concept of yourself as a magical personality, as a real metaphysical entity, living in eternity now. If you are living in eternity, you don’t want to do anything that won’t hold up, say ten thousand years from now. This is an impossible task to pursue, but I find it a helpful reminder of the true point-of-view. It has got to be a long one, not a short-term one.
This is not the spontaneous part of myself or yourself that I am talking about. I am talking about doing work in consciousness. Work with the red ray energy by imagining the joy of true sexual energy transfer as service-to-others. See it as something that you give, not something that you get. Imagine situations in which you couldn’t not give, but that there might be some other thing to comfort, in a red ray sense, and I think this is cuddling, hugging, holding hands and all of this kind of thing comes in where you can share the energy transfer that is so dear to mates, and really between any man and woman. I feel it all the time. I shake a hand. I feel a very firm good energy transfer come from a man. I think that that is normal. I am just more sensitive than most people.
Second ray: orange ray. This is one that calls on your understanding, perhaps the most excessive and I imagine you are quite achieved and having kind of a “fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke” kind of an attitude. I would if I were you. I mean if things have gone on the way they have with there being negative catalyst back and forth; her needs are not being met and her expressions to you and you being so sensitive. There are lots of other calamities that can hit too. The Creator did not give us life, liberty and happiness. He did not give us any guarantees. He takes great care in dumping loads of garbage over anyone who is trying to get to know Him. He is trying to say, “I am not far away.” And then the garbage.
The hardest thing in the world is to get a ten thousand-year distance from what you are going through in this incarnation, but it will unscramble your guts, soothe your head and inspire you to practice that quality to reach for it and contemplate, to dwell there, thinking of the nature of one person’s relationship with another, thinking of what kinds of gifts you would like to give in your relationships with other selves. You see it is the thinking; it is the inside; and it is the interior self that lasts forever. All of this waving of arms, and legs, and gadding about that we do is in the area of manifestation and means very little in the ten thousand-year point-of-view because it is just so ephemeral. Of course, everything that we do counts, but the work within creates changes in the way you are, changes in the way you perceive yourself.
You get to know yourself if you start doing this. If you start analyzing, visualizing, playing with yourself in relation to and then take the energies that you want to work on and think about the nature of brotherly love and the love of a mate for a mate and how you would like to manifest. Who you would like to be and how far are you from there? What kinds of ways could you dream up of being who you want to be?
Visualize yourself coming into balance as a ten thousand-year ahead of yourself looking back and look back into these present moments with the idea of love. How can I see love? How can I manifest love? You see, what we are doing here is not for ourselves really in the healing sense. What we are doing is the deeper stuff and part of our programming is to be in relationship with our Creator. And when we think of ourselves as splinters of God, splinters that we hope will be gifts of beauty after we leave here, we can create for ourselves an inner space in which we really value ourselves enough to take the trouble to change inside from a human mentality to a deeply impersonal entity that is who or what it is because it is in relationship to its Creator. Then, we look at everybody else and they are too, and service-to-others means suddenly a great deal more because we are God serving God.
I think I’ve really not done justice to that, but the tape is getting awfully long and here is hoping that you’ve got the capacity to listen to the end of it because you are stuck on an airplane or something. I’ll get Jim to mark on it to “save it for an airplane.” It’s not that important so that you won’t be trying to make time where you just don’t have time. Any time you hear this between now and the time you come to the end of July is fine. Really it is just, I think, really you’ll have a better time here if you’ve done some preliminary thinking because I will digging along these lines with everybody, trying to put people more and more in touch with true inner work.
You know what I would say about the yellow ray except that perhaps you may not think that I think you are doing a great job and I do, but I caught a lot of, I mean you think it is a silly ass job. Right? I kind of felt like I got that impression, but it was just kind of this crazy Disneyland kind of experience where they ask you to do something that was like falling off a log and then they pay you all these big bucks for it. I think your relationship with society in the regard of a job is just beautiful. You seem to have almost an ebullient joy about it that is just marvelous to see. My guess is that there is a lot of underlying feeling about this society, about the world. If there is any bitterness or cynicism in you about society and you’d be an odd person were there not, I can only recommend the same kind of process.
You see each of us has a different energy center that is really our best or is of the most interest to us. We all know about people who are stuck on red ray. A whole lot of people are stuck on orange ray. A whole lot more are stuck on yellow ray. Look at the energies and see what you can do about rediscovering for the second time the naiveté you lost at some point because it is important to realize that both the cynicism and the naiveté are legit. If it is not some kind of paradox, it is not really spiritual. Spirituality expresses itself as a series of paradoxes. If you haven’t lost the delight in seeing a crippled child walk or whatever you see is your yellow ray blockage if you have any. I am not familiar really with any blockage you might have in the yellow ray. You seem pretty clear. Like you are doing great, but look at it for yourself so that when you come here, you will have thought about who you really are, even more than you have already thought, and I know you thought deeply for a long time. But the question is like peeling off layers of onion skins except that paradoxically, of course, when you have finally peeled away the last of the onion skin layers, you have what seems to be nothing. You have that godship that you are a splinter of and there are a lot of layers to be peeled away and I am only a beginner myself, so we are the blind leading the blind. Undoubtedly, you and I will experience together at various times as we work together.
I offer this tape with deep humility, asking you please to take no offense at any of my foolish misjudgments of you, which I am sure there are many of. To let no word that I have said bother you. Just forget it. If it isn’t right, don’t take anything in just because I said it. This is your journey and I’m here for you and that’s a truth in itself. Hang in there. Have a ball and I’ll see you in July/August. Thanks for listening. Thanks for trusting me. I imagine that was quite a stretch. Thanks for being R.L. It’s fun to know you. I look forward to seeing you and so is Jim.
A little personal news: I had a series of other disasters that are real bad: A back problem that never did get better. Meanwhile I was finally diagnosed after years of complaining and nobody finding anything, I had my gallbladder out. It didn’t show up on the x-ray. Naturally I had to be different. I didn’t have stones. I had little bitty crystals that didn’t look like anything. Finally they gave me some esoteric test, which involved putting something that looked like the Loch Ness monster down over me and watching ink flow through the gall bladder, which, of course, it didn’t. It just stopped and finally they realized that I was telling absolutely the truth when I said I couldn’t eat anything. It didn’t go through, so that put me real decently flat. You don’t need to hear that tale of woe.
It is still going on because there is still a stone. If they didn’t have stones, I don’t see how I could have had an extra stone, but this is one of those temptations where you think God, Why do you do this to me? And actually God did it to make sure I understood about patience, if God did it at all.
And there is the Love in the moment, you see, because I now have an extra stretch of time in which to have faith that I will heal and the ability to be cheerful in the midst of feeling substantially uncomfortable. I am choosing the pain rather than the pain medication because on the pain medication I couldn’t do any work at all and finally I got to the point where I could take some fluids. I would prefer it to feeling useful. Now you see, on the ten thousand-year view, that is a totally incorrect thought and I have a lot of work to do on who I am too.
Don’t think I think of myself as some wise person. I’ve known a wise person. He is dead. That was Don and he wouldn’t teach, except me. That was just an accident of love. He did not like teaching.
I still have I don’t know how many weeks to go; six to eight weeks from surgery she said. She thought she could take the tube out of where the gall bladder was that has been draining all of this time. Take the t-tube out and in that time a channel into my body would have been made that had scar tissue. In other words, the hole would be remain. It just wouldn’t close up immediately and they have some surgical instrument that snakes along in very tight places that has a camera or something so that you can see and a little grabber and the idea is just to go in there and grab it out of the common duct.
After that, then it will be back to working on the back problem. Of course, being completely still like this, the back flare-up has reduced because I’m not asking it to do anything. But I have only achieved that state by relinquishing my use of the telephone and my use of the pen for the most part except for taking brief notes when listening to a bunch of tapes like I am for this one lady I am trying to help. I do have to write down notes like that when somebody sends me a taped letter so that I can answer because I can’t hold it all in my head, especially since she sent me four tapes. This woman can talk.
Jim has got such a steady spirit and a hopeful heart that he is most inspirational as far as I am concerned. I am inspired by Jim. He is active. He does his work. He trusts me to be working on being full of peace and love in July. If I am not, he doesn’t blame me, of course. If I am, he rests into that. He is committed to all kinds of gorgeousness out in the yard. At this time, his project is an arbor. It is too grand a thing to be called a trellis. You will just have to see it when you get here.
Carla