(L/Leema, September 22, 1985)

We have been asked to speak upon the subject of despair, its form, its function and its use. We would divide our speaking into three categories: the despair of the mind, the despair of the body, and the despair of the spirit.

The despair of the mind is an empty thing, full of no virtue except that of self-destruction. Within the mind there are limitations which have been given to the self by the self. Some of these limitations are those called limitations of intelligence. One of the burdens of increased intelligence is an increased capacity for despair. And what, my friends, is that of which the mind despairs? The mind despairs of its very limitations. In truth there are no limitations. There are only challenges, lessons and glory. Yes, we say glory. For the stronger the despair, the more glorious the battle which may be waged to outlast the feelings of helplessness, doom and foreboding, uselessness, boredom and disinterest that altogether add up to the definition of despair. The despair of the mind is that which is not, standing in the face of that which is. Therefore the state of mental despair is folly and almost always unproductive. However, the dynamic of despair; that is, midnight as opposed to noon, is available to everyone, every spirit that lives in mind and body in your illusion, at some time within the incarnation. Therefore, although it is useless, it is a common experience. In the grand scheme, the very uselessness of despair is that which limits man’s ability to feel it. It is, rather, a dynamic against which one plays out one’s incarnation, the other dynamic being pure joy. It is between those two poles that one may analyze one’s true position with regard to the learning of the one great original thought of Love.

Therefore, that which is useless is rather a constant, an undertone within the life experience always available, in which the mind knows nothing. Mental joy is the opposing dynamic in which the mind knows all. These are the limits within your illusion of that which we call love.

The despair of the body is a reflection of the despair of the mind. When an entity is in possession of mental despair and has not moved from that dynamic into a productive mode of thinking, analyzing, feeling and acting, that despair becomes incorporated within the body complex. Thence comes disease and ultimately death. Therefore, the wages of continued despair are the death of the body and, therefore, the death of the intelligence which informs the body. There you have form and function, form, as always, following function.

Spiritual despair on the other hand, is an absolute necessity. It is, rather than being a zero, a moving dynamic within that which informs the growth and evolution of spirit. It is only metaphysical despair, that is, the recognition that one knows nothing, that one has lost control of everything and that one is faced with complete darkness of soul, which forces that great sliver or portion of the One Creator which is your consciousness to turn, transform, and begin anew, not having left behind that which is old in the soul, but adding unto it, accreting more wisdom, more compassion, and more and more of a feeling of unity which one can receive only when one has become desperate enough to release oneself from the expectation of any knowledge whatsoever.

There is a way in which one may use mental despair and its reflection in the physical body complex to best effect. That is to transmute mental despair into what this instrument would call the dark night of the soul or spiritual despair. One cannot analyze despair and rise transformed. One cannot act out despair by illness and rise transformed. One can, however, seek the grace and comfort that is your birthright in transmuting that which is lower into that which is higher. For as you know, one portion of the creation is a holograph for all else in the creation; thus, mental despair may-as alchemists change lead to gold-be changed into the dark night of the soul, burnished and shining. This spiritual despair, then, may transform itself into great revelations and positive and forward changes within the spirit.

The spirit is always the same. It is not a portion of your illusion. However, your perception of the spirit can only grow. All that you have learned before is still yours and all that is ahead of you shall be learned because of turning from despair. It is rare that one enters into or graduates from any initiation without the impetus, the pain and the challenge of spiritual despair. Therefore, if your soul is in agony, rejoice. For it is from this point that all good comes. Despair is the great opportunity to endure, to show strength, to indicate faith and to exercise the will, not just the will to think but the will to do.


(Oxal, December 29, 1985)

We would speak to you about that which you call time and space. It is difficult to approximate in your language the resonances of what these two words approximate, for we are speaking of that which is the material out of which your creation is made, and that creative intelligence which creates that which is made. It is not unusual, we have found, that, among your peoples, time seems to pass more and more rapidly as one’s incarnational experience builds up and that which is known as time passes. It must occur to many logical minds that the speeding up of time is a kind of illusion within your illusion, for one cannot make mechanical objects, such as your clocks, that speed up the passage of time in concert with each person’s subjective perception of time.

Time and space have a reciprocal relationship and are allegories or analogs of love and light. As these forces impinge upon each seeker’s consciousness, they present to that seeker the possibility of experience. Indeed, another word for time is experience. It seems to be untrue that some moments contain more experience than others, and herein lies the crux of what we wish to impart to you. When there is no distortion in space, each finite moment becomes a unified or cosmic moment and is a thing with the properties of timelessness. It is during timeless moments that experience is seated within the seeker.

Now catalyst is given to each seeker moment by moment, and one need only look to your young souls to see what can be made of the catalyst of the moment. Children, being less used to the wasting of moments, instinctually approach and perceive each piece of catalyst as that which will become experience. There is an overwhelming amount of catalyst in each moment. The fullness of catalyst available in each moment begins, as the child grows into what you call adulthood, to become more of a burden than a pleasure and, as one is overwhelmed by one’s catalyst, one ceases to process it into experience. In other words, the space required to use one unit of time becomes distorted in a subjective sense so that the experience time offers buckles and bends and shrinks because that space with which time is inextricably paired has not room enough for the transformation of that which comes to the ear and eye and heart.

When the seeker chooses, consciously, to use catalyst, space, that internal space which allows time to pass, is then of sufficient length to accept fully the catalyst and its possibility of being transformed into actual experience. When the seeker becomes bemused or distracted and partakes of the mundane, that seeker eliminates from conscious use much of the catalyst which the process of day-to-day living generates. When the seeker is ready to be conscious of the moment, that present moment being one with itself, that is, full of time and equally full of space, then the seeker has the opportunity to experience a timeless moment in which all time is one. Within this moment an infinite amount of work may be done in consciousness for the gradual transformation of the self into that being which each has the capability of claiming. Yea, it is part of your birthright. What is a birthright, my friends, but something with which you were born? A birthright is not something one is given partially or unevenly. Yet a birthright need not be used, just as an inheritance may not be claimed by an heir who does not wish to experience the having of money.

Let us again look at the small child who is greedy of his birthright and who spends a significant amount of your time in the timeless present moment. In more and more of your young beings at this time one is able to observe a heightened intensity of seeking and a more rapid translation of catalyst into experience which is seated within the heart. How does one become, then, as a little child? It is written in your holy work, known as the Bible, that unless one is as a little child, one cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. This statement is simplistic as regards that which is called the kingdom of heaven, but again, language fails to be adequate to meaning and so we must attempt to use words as well as we can.

This is a present moment. What is your catalyst, my friends? Time may be wasted. We listen through this instrument’s ears and we hear this instrument’s voice relaying concepts, some of which this instrument is unfamiliar with. We are aware of each vibratory complex which makes up each entity within this circle this evening. We hear the blessed sound of the furnace at work warming an otherwise frigid atmosphere. We find in each entity’s mind much unprocessed catalyst. That is what each brings to time. When one seeks distraction from heavy catalyst, one puckers and ruffles the ratio between time and space, and time is literally shortened in a subjective sense, for there is less space with which to match it. We use the term, space, not only in a physical sense but in a metaphysical sense in which space is analogous to the spaciousness of one’s point of view or, to put it another way, the room or area which is acceptable for using in the transformation of catalyst into seated experience.

It is no wonder that so many of your peoples find time to move faster and faster. Nor is it a wonder that most entities are completely unaware of why this occurs. This is very understandable due to the fact that if one does not process catalyst in this present moment, it will be carried over into the next discrete unit of time/space. If, then, the catalyst of the second discrete unit of time/space is also unused, the next unit of time/space is increasingly burdened with unprocessed catalyst and, by the time one is counting one’s years with dismay rather than pride, most of your peoples have such a load of old, unprocessed catalyst that to open oneself to the catalyst in the present moment is almost unthinkable, and it certainly takes a great deal of courage to begin to open to all the catalyst, old and new, which forms the catalyst of this discrete time/space unit of your incarnation.

There are very few, but it is notable enough that we mention this, who are so efficient in processing catalyst in the present moment that time begins to buckle inward under the burden of successfully approached and used catalyst. In that case, the entity who seeks will find itself in the creation, in a true sense, for the first time. For when time begins its full operation, there is the possibility of spacelessness or the unity of all space. In this distortion lies a compassion which cannot be approached except by those few among your peoples who have used catalyst with a fervor and enthusiasm and a conscious knowledge of the probity of such an exercise.

We offer these thoughts to you this evening in hopes that as your time passes upon the face of your clocks, it may be used, appreciated and harvested by your heart. The activity of meditation is a great help in the reconciling of catalyst with the self and the claiming of that catalyst as part of the experiential self which enjoys incarnation at this time. We hope that we have been of some small service to you this evening. We encourage you to discriminate for yourself. If our words have a sense which may aid you, then let that catalyst be used. It is for that purpose we attempt to serve. If that which we have to say does not appeal, we humbly ask that you drop all portions which disappoint or do not ring true.

In this instrument’s mind is the first line of one of your popular songs, “Time is on my side.” This is very true, my friends. May you use your time and find timelessness. And with that timeless understanding, may you then turn to that light which is space and manifest within that enlarged space that which is the harvest of your experience. We are those of Oxal. We leave you in the time and the space, in the love and in the light of the One that is all. We leave you, knowing that it is impossible to leave you any more than we could leave ourselves, for you are our very selves and we, yours. Thus, we cease speaking, yet are always as close to you as your desire would have it be. Adonai, my friends. Adonai.


Since our winter newsletter won’t be out in time for Carla’s and Tommy’s tape, JENNY, to be both in season and available for Christmas gifts, we are offering it in this issue of LIGHT/LINES. It is the story of a Christmas tree angel that came to life. As a live performance it lacks the polish of THE JOURNEY, but is proof positive against Christmas melancholy. Words, music, and story by Carla and Tommy Rueckert.

Our heartfelt gratitude to all of the folks in the San Francisco and Sacramento areas who welcomed us with question and answer sessions this past August while we were there on vacation. We enjoyed meeting you all.