CLEARING OUR COMMUNICATION
Group question: What are the components of clear communication? How can miscommunication happen? What is said is not always heard or interpreted as it was intended. And would there be any non-verbal ways of communicating that would enhance our communication?
(Q’uo, December 5, 1999, Sunday Meditation)
We are those of the principle known to you as Q’uo. Greetings in the love and in the light of the One Infinite Creator, in whose service we are. It is our distinct pleasure and blessing to be able to share your meditation this day and to be called to your circle that we may offer our poor thoughts and opinions concerning clear communication. This is a subject as interesting to us as to you since our form of service to others at this time is this speaking with words through channels such as this one.
The substantial and sometimes grave difficulty using your words certainly heightens the difficulties inherent in any communication, for words are as slippery as eels, and yet that is the medium of communication. And limited though it is, it must suffice for those in third density. May we say that we sympathize with each of you which attempts to express clearly thoughts and clusters of concepts within having to do with emotion and feeling and facts. It is in no wise an easy thing to be perfectly clear.
Let us look at the roots of communication, for it is from the root that the plant grows and much can be understood by gazing at this energy in its beginning state. Each of you is a complex of vibrations. The Creator Itself is a complex of vibrations. The universe, as far as we know, is a complex of vibrations, or more specifically of fields of energy, with vibrational characteristics which interact with each other. Therefore, each of you, as a being, communicates by your very vibration, your identity. Those not within the veil of forgetting-that is, those not incarnate within third density-find this information of vibration helpful and much is communicated from person to person as the two entities feel their vibratory complexes beginning to harmonize and intermingle.
Also, beyond the limits of the veil of forgetting, the communication most usually would not take place by using words, but by offering concept complexes or balls of thought, we might call them, which are offered from one to another in a whole fashion, so that the other may, herself, draw out the threads of communication that are offered there and see the entirely three-dimensional nature of even a single seed thought. So the first thing that you communicate as an entity is your vibration, and from it people will take much. They will form an attitude towards you dependent upon how that vibration, that is, they and that vibration that is you are harmonizing. Neither you nor they may be aware that this subtle bodywork is going on, but bodies themselves are aware of these vibrational characteristics, and perhaps you have had the experience of cottoning to someone and not particularly liking someone else from the very instant of meeting. Often the communication of vibration has done its work before a word is spoken.
Certainly, once an entity who wishes to communicate clearly grasps this vibrational nature of identity in a metaphysical sense, the entity has become wise enough to work on or tune that vibrational nature of self, that it may become more like the vibration of the Creator. For each of you has, as the basic vibration, the vibration of the Creator, and each of you has found ways to distort those perfectly harmonized vibrations in such and such a way, making the individual being of yourself one of a kind. No one distorts that Original Thought the same way as you. By taking thought, however, a seeker may indeed lessen the distortion of the vibration from the Original Thought. And this is work well worth doing.
As we said, in your density it is necessary, for the most part, to use words to express opinion and fact. Your peoples have great numbers of words, many languages from which to choose. And each entity comes into her existence bombarded from the beginning with words, words, words. The process of maturation of the young ones of your species is a process of learning the words, learning the phrases, learning the behaviors, and then endlessly combining those learnings in ways that are taught as appropriate. And so each flower of self grows to bloom, grows to maturity, coming through the schooling process that teaches more and more words, more and more ways to use words and also that teaches ways to think about the self, ways to think about others, so that by the time a young child has grown to adulthood, she has an enormous quantity of information, some of which is words and the definitions of words and ways to use words, but a great deal of which is judgment-or fear-based. For the culture in which you live teaches you to estimate the worth of an entity with whom you are going to communicate thought and from the results of that judgment, to slant your communication in such a way as will, you feel, maximize the clarity.
For the most part, this process of learning produces fairly clear communication. You may look for difficulties to arise when an entity is seen or assumed to be some nature on the surface that in fact the entity is not. For them the careful point of communication is misaimed. When we speak to you through these instruments we play an endless and fascinating game wherein we assess the harmonics of each of those within the circle. We listen to the, shall we say, sound of the hunger or the desire or perhaps we might say the color of that desire and then we orient and slant our message, which is always the same message, in order to best serve the harmonics and the substantial nature of the group which we feel kinship with and are meditating with. Each time even the same people meet as a circle there are subtle differences in the inner harmonics of the group, and each time we assess anew before we begin to speak, for we would not wish to waste this opportunity to share our thoughts with you clearly.
Earlier conversation before this channeled communication talked about the way people do not listen to each other but rather each has things they wish to say to the other, and this is, of course, a very prominent way in which clear communication is sabotaged. If you become aware of a situation in which your words are not being heard, then it is that you may ask yourself whether you wish to be heard or whether you wish to allow the other self to express that which that self wishes to express and assume a role of simply listening. In many instances the appropriate response, we would say, metaphysically speaking, is simply to abandon the desire to be heard and become a sounding board that can hear what an other self is attempting to say. This yielding up of the inner agenda and the thing to say is a mark of spiritual maturity. It is an action very difficult to complete, for there is within each self a deep well of desire to be heard by the self, and to be heard by those other selves which have meaning for the self. And yet many times the straightest and shortest distance to clear communication is to become silent, to release the desire to be heard and to accept, temporarily, a role of purely listening.
May we say that when this decision is made, it is a decision which places the self in a separated stance with regard to the other self. Consequently, when relationships are close, in families or in communities, it is not a wise choice to become the pure listener, for the harmonics within a family or within a spiritual community especially depend upon all of those involved being able not only to speak but also to listen. Thusly, if some give up that desire to speak that seems selfish and become pure listeners, they have robbed the collective harmonized group of those things which they alone could conceive of, think through, and express. Thusly we encourage each to see that it is a mark of respect for the other self to continue to attempt not only to listen but also to be heard.
Perhaps the next most usual or common way in which communications go awry is that situation in which the self does not want to speak what is actually true. This can be as innocent a situation as one’s mother saying “How do I look in this hat?” If mother looks perfectly terrible in that hat, if that hat is an outrage and an eyesore, yet still a husband or a son is likely to say, “Oh, Mother, you look wonderful in that hat.” This is not clear communication. This is, however, loving communication. And we do not say that this is wrong, for there are many kinds of truth. And the truth that is being expressed by the compliment, while untrue about the hat, is certainly true about the regard that the family members feel about another family member. The desire in this circumstance is not then to express truth but to express love. And we feel that that has its own kind of truth to it.
However, there are many times when that which should be expressed, if truth were told, is that which the other does not want to hear. The word, “no,” when permission is asked to do something. The words, “I don’t know,” when someone wishes you to have all the answers. These things are difficult to say. These things are even difficult to say to the self, and yet it does remarkably improve communication if the self does not edit to remove negative responses. Rather we would suggest that, when a situation arises that the self becomes aware that negative-seeming truth must be told, there is a calm and quiet peace within. Perhaps even a small prayer may be uttered within, tuning the self toward the light, hoping that within that additional light there will be found ways to tell the truth that will be softer and yet still clearer than the abrupt “I don’t know,” or “The answer is no.”
When the person facing this situation can realize the degree of fear that is distorting the challenge at hand, then it is that that entity becomes more and more skillful at looking straight at the fear involved and taking that fear within the heart and forgiving the self for being fearful. This work upon the self, over a period of time, begins to build up for the self a concept of the self as being flexible, able to learn new ways, unafraid to speak regardless of the consequences. It is as if you take a comb and comb through the difficulties and brambles that seem to be surrounding communication with this other self, combing away the tightness of spirit, combing the fear of ridicule, combing away the fear of making a mistake, combing away all the fear-based limitations that hedge you about as a communicator until all that is left in your blue-ray energy field is an honest and open desire to give and receive information and love. Remember that communication itself is vibration. It has its own energy center, that blue-ray chakra in the throat.
Now communication may come from any of the centers within your physical and finer bodies. When you experience substantial difficulties in communication, know immediately that you are not in blue ray. And take the time in your mind to contemplate the conversation that was not clear, looking for the signature of the energy center that is blocked, over-stimulated or in some way distorted. Often you will find an orange-ray blockage when the conversation is between two people and about something that is between those two people. In this situation you are literally looking in a mirror and that which you think that the other has said is a reflection of that which you have said. This instrument is perusing a book at this time about the living memory process and throughout the book the author keeps bringing up the qualities of interaction between two things, this author calling these two things tuning fork A and tuning fork B, or Albert and Betty. But let us say that you are Albert and the other is Betty. That which you say to the other self has a certain kind of energy. That energy moves to Betty, to tuning fork B and is taken in by tuning fork B in a way that you could not predict but that is purely the choice of tuning fork B. Then tuning fork Betty B responds to you and energy and information comes back to you altered by the other, and as you and Betty converse you are creating an entire energy system that is strictly between the two of you, that has energy and life and love.
In any conversation you are creating energy, light and memory, and you are watching something that is vivid develop. Consequently one way to powerfully aid this process is to do some version of that which the one known as Ken Keyes has suggested in several of his books, and that is to use the phrase, “I am creating,” when you are speaking to another and there seems to be a major difficulty in understanding each other. If someone says “You hate me” to you, that is a clear communication of what that person thinks, but it is not particularly easy to respond to. If someone says, “I feel I am creating that you hate me,” then it is that the other can say “I am creating that I do not feel that I hate you, but I do hear that you feel that I hate you, so we must now find out why it is that you feel this.” Any method that allows each person to take responsibility for that which he is hearing will improve communication in difficult situations.
The deepest aid to communication is character. If an entity has the humility and the patience to work with another entity to achieve clear communication, nothing will keep that entity from achieving clear communication. But it is to the humble only that this becomes true. Your yellow-ray world, this world of Earth and the human experience, is absolutely dependent upon communication. It is attempting to learn the lessons of love for individuals and for groups. So much about communication at the level at which you are now enjoying experience has the agenda of drawing groups together as well as drawing individuals together. There is an evolutionary drive towards harmonization of vibrations, and if you examine the kind of language that nations use with other nations you will see that despite many fears, despite many reservations, despite many warring hostile vibrations, groups of people can come to agreements in clear communication. And each of you knows from personal experience that clear communication from person to person is possible.
Therefore, let your heart never be faint when you discover that you are unable to communicate. Then is the time to listen patiently, to ask humbly those questions that you have upon your mind and, therefore, to gather the information that you may need in order to grasp what someone is attempting to tell you. And when you are the one speaking and you find that your words are falling upon deaf ears, then it is that you may call upon your humanity, call upon your patience and release, for the moment, in order that you may provide the service of understanding that which the other has to say to you. Once this has been done you may then reassess the possibility of communicating that which you needed to.
We show this instrument a beautiful flowing river, a river of golden rolling waters, bubbling and springing and singing. We show this instrument that those who would communicate must be as fish within that water, must feel that life-giving unifying water between the self and all other selves. See the self and all other selves as united within that golden stream that is flowing and bubbling at a very brisk rate at a very decided direction. It does no good to attempt to stop the water. It does not help to remove the self from the flow of the everyday. Rather, the good of it is always in realizing praise and the thanksgiving for belonging in that water of life, for being in the flow of incarnation, and for having the opportunity to share this environment with others also breathing the water and living in the flow.
Perhaps the most helpful thing to remember about communication is that you are all one. You are all going through the same experience. You are intimate, intimate friends. This is the truth beyond the surface, behind the masks of personality and individuality. Above all things, keep that faith that each other self is as you are, no better and no worse. See that equality of self to self always, disregarding status and the details of wealth and position. Be heart to heart insofar as you can with each other self. And that attitude of love will greatly help the process of clear communication. Know that each of you has gifts. Some of you have blue-ray gifts of communication. Some of you have gifts elsewhere. It helps to know the self, to have confidence in the self. And so we encourage that within each.
More and more, as you take responsibility for yourself, as you bring your energy centers to a real balance, you will become more skilled at feeling the point at which the communication has bogged down. Where is the energy that is tangled? Is it in the orange-ray of personal communication, or is it in yellow-ray of communicators working with institutions like marriage, work, and groups of all kinds? But above all, know yourself to be a child of the One Infinite Creator. Rest in that identity. Rest in that love. And let that love feed your heart, your faith, and your will, so that you may once again give a gladsome smile and try again to say things clearly and with love.
NOTES TO OUR READERS
Carla is now about two-thirds done with the writing for the WANDERER’S HANDBOOK. She has over 500 manuscript pages, so this book will be loaded with information on over 100 topics of interest to spiritual seekers. We hope to have it completed by the end of the year and available sometime early next year.
We are hosting a gathering for people who have read the LAW OF ONE books this September 22-24. The group will be limited to a dozen or so. Write for more information if you are interested in attending.