Greetings. This is Jim McCarty welcoming you to the L/L Research Podcast, In the Now, Episode #62. L/L Research is a nonprofit organization dedicated to freely sharing spiritually-oriented information and fostering community. Towards this end we have two websites: the archive website, and the community website,

During each episode, we respond to questions sent to L/L Research from spiritual seekers like you. Our panel consists of Austin Bridges, Gary Bean, and me—each of us a devoted student of the Law of One. Your questions allow us to explore the Law of One and related matters of metaphysical interest. We hope only to offer a resource that enhances your own seeking process. Please know that our replies are not the final word on these subjects, we ask each who listens to exercise her discernment, be sensitive to his resonance in determining what is true for him or her.

If you would like to submit a question for the show, please do so. Our humble podcast relies on your questions, which you can send to [email protected]. Or you can go to for further instructions.

Again, I’m Jim McCarty and we are embarking on a new episode of L/L Research’s weekly podcast, In the Now. Gary & Austin, are we ready to go?

That is true.

I believe that I am.

All right. We have a question this week from a woman named Penny. Her question has some background first:

“If you activate your green ray too early, and you go crazy into a delusional world where you actually see the creator in everything and everyone and unconditional love for all, but then a new catalyst appears to make you doubt everything that sends you into despair and confusion, how do you repair it? If I activated it too early, how do I fix the damage that I have done within my own mind/body/spirit complex? I have a closed heart now and can’t seem to reactivate it.

I went from seeing all as creator and having unconditional love for all that is, to terror, fear, and crippling loss of beliefs. Now there’s a kind of nothingness. I’m very stable now, but I don’t feel anything. Although I appreciate the stability, I miss the love and vibrancy of seeing all as the creator, but now it’s just not there anymore.“

Ok first of all, Austin what do you think about the concept of opening the green ray too early? Is that possible and how could you tell it might be possible?

Well, I think that it does correlate with the Ra material somewhat. Ra references the kundalini rising when they talk about the energy centers. Here is what they say in session #49.5:

“This phenomenon has been called by your peoples the kundalini. However, it may better be thought of as a meeting place of the cosmic and inner, shall we say, vibratory understanding. To attempt to raise the locus of this meeting without realizing the metaphysical principles of magnetism upon which this depends is to invite great imbalance.”

The concept of opening the heart too early may seem a little weird because it’s weird to think that opening it at all is a bad thing. But it’s possible for somebody who is really willful or forceful to blast their heart open without paying proper attention to the balancing techniques and to other experiences that they’re having that might build a firmer foundation upon which that open heart can stand. So yeah, I think it’s totally possible to experience something like this.

What Penny describes seems a little extreme to me. I don’t know how common that sort of thing would be, but I think that it’s totally possible to open the heart too early.

Ok, Gary, how about you? Do you think that it’s possible to open your heart too early, or do things happen as they should? Is it all always well? Are there any mistakes?

Well, the way you’re asking that sets me on a slightly different trajectory than my prepared answer to her question.

Erase all that and tell us what were you going to say. (laughs).

(laughs). That question of it being unsafe to open the heart is a really interesting one that I had really addressed in my own reply because to me, the heart is the refuge and safety point that brings things into balance and offers protection, as well as melts distortions, and so on and so forth. So the concept of opening up the heart being an unsafe act, or an act of jumping too far ahead before the self is ready is a bit confusing to me.

But, do you want me to go into my long answer or do you want me to…?

No, go right into your answer. I want to hear what you have to say.

So, first I would empathize with the experience that Penny is going through because it does sound difficult. I want to start by repeating what Penny said, but with her concept of green ray changed to a human romantic relationship. So, I will repeat the sentence with that replacement:

“If you fall in love with someone too early and you go crazy into a delusional world where you actually see the creator in the one you love, and the heart is so open that you see the creator in everyone and unconditional love for all, but then a new catalyst appears to make you doubt everything which sends you into despair/confusion, how do you repair it?”

Naturally, I cannot know what happened in your situation, Penny. But in attempting even a modicum of understanding, I keep coming back to “falling in love”. When you fall in love there is the universal experience of the honeymoon. The sky is bluer, the sun brighter, and you walk with a lighter step. You might even be friendlier, softer, kinder, more generous, and you might smile more. Where there was once resentment, there might now be generosity of spirit, and so forth.

But as everyone well knows, this experience generally has its end. It fades and recedes. Something happens and reminders that life isn’t as perfect as it had felt for a moment reappear as the old patterns resume. Pain comes back. The traps of contraction and suffering replace the expansive sense of freedom. So, what happened to the person who fell in love and walked on cloud nine? Was their joy a delusion? Is the love that they felt invalidated by the subsequent return of old patterns? Which version of themselves was the “real one”—the loved-filled person or the troubled one?

I don’t have good answers to these questions, but I tend to think that any love is genuine or at least points to something that’s genuine. I think this is true even for chemically-induced states that seem superficial and temporary like those precipitated by alcohol. Each experience of love offers an experience of what love is. In that light, I think you caught a big glimpse. Your experience was genuine and it revealed something to you. For a duration of time, you were on the mountain top where you saw more clearly. You were more consciously connected to your deeper identity, but—and this dovetails with where Austin was headed with the principles of magnetism—you weren’t ready to find more permanent residence in those higher altitudes. There were things yet unaddressed within you, so you had to come back down and do more work in the valley. That’s my best guess—with emphasis on the word guess—regarding your experience.

I don’t know what the mechanism was that allowed you to have this elevated state of consciousness, just like I don’t know what it is that happens when someone falls in love and everything becomes right with the world. But if there are still imbalances and blockages somewhere in the energetic system—especially in the first triad—then sooner or later they will make themselves known to you. This would mean that there’s still work to do that you are capable of doing.

You have a couple of basic options so far as my limited vision sees. You can sit in the shadows and claim that the sunlight was not real because now all you see around you are shadows. You can let doubt write the narrative for you, or you can trust yourself. You can trust that the beauty of the experience you had was real. You can trust that that love is within you, and that even though it’s not immediately apparent to you in this moment, it is available and it is waiting for you. And, of course, you can and must honor your present experience by accepting your experience, and working with your feelings as you’re feeling them. Treat yourself with respect where you are. You can also trust that, that the love you knew, is shorthand for a truer, or a clearer vision of yourself and others. Another word for this kind of trust that you can invoke is called faith. You can have faith that on the other side of your shadows, awaits the sunlight. Always, and forever.

I have just a couple more paragraphs to share. (laughs)

What you seek is transformation. That generally happens as a result of work in consciousness done over time. You can often come upon us as quick as a lightning flash, but there is much work in the dark soil of the self that precedes illumination.

You were asking how to repair it and how to fix it. The goal is not to produce a desired experience, or to re-manufacture your previous experience. Rather, the goal is to genuinely face and understand yourself. There are underlying beliefs that are generating your current experience of doubt and despair and, as you say, nothingness. What are those? What are the blockages and imbalances within you? What is it really that you fear? What is inside the darkness that you want so desperately to escape? How can you look honestly and compassionately at your inner-energy dynamics? And, just as importantly, how can you treat what you see with tenderness, acceptance, and compassion?

In transformation, what you’re doing is creating the space or the inner-environment for love to come through. Love is intelligent, healing, transforming, and simple. But as a being possessed of free will, you have work to do in knowing and accepting yourself because you, like the rest of us, are blocking love and the experience of the creator in various complex ways on various levels. So for love to endure in your being, this transformation is needed.

One quick final consideration I’d like to offer is that perhaps your experience was an initiation. Perhaps the doubt, terror, fear, and nothingness that you’re going through now is just part two.

Back to you host, sorry.

Very good, Gary. You covered a lot of ground there. I was thinking about how this opening, which was supposedly too early, may have occurred. I would think that she would have to have been consciously working on opening her green ray unless it was a gift. And if it were a gift, then is the doubt and the new catalyst that came also a part of that gift?

I’m going to assume for a moment that her opening of the green ray was a result of conscious effort. But she describes it as opening too early, which suggests that one of the energy centers below the green ray was probably not ready to receive the energy and to hold it in a stable fashion to provide it to the green ray. So, this makes me wonder if there was a blockage in the orange ray of our interpersonal relationships on a one-to-one basis, or if there was a blockage of the yellow ray of how we operate in groups and see ourselves as members of a larger consciousness. I’d be interested to know just exactly what the catalyst was because that would give me more of an idea if it were one or two of those energy centers.

Ra suggested that the red ray is not one that is usually worked on. It has to do with sexual reproduction and survival. Although I would think that in the sexual activity and the sharing with others that there would be something that could be affected consciously, or that there would be something that could be worked on by the seeker in one way or another that could either allow a freer flow of energy through the red ray or could cause a blockage of that energy.

So, I guess my question right now would be what is the catalyst that caused the despair and confusion, and how can she repair it?

Austin, do you have any ideas on how she can repair this despair and confusion that has derailed her ability to experience unconditional love?

Yeah, well first let me apologize to Penny because she sent a long sub-context with her question that she didn’t include in her question, which I didn’t include in what was read for the podcast because it was pretty long. I also didn’t think that she intended it to be included. But she did send some context, which I will try to paraphrase.

You were correct in assuming that this experience was a result of a conscious effort. I think she had a very singular experience where one night she felt a kind of opportunity to push through and open her heart. She very willfully and intentionally—in my interpretation—forced her way into it. Then the following day she woke up transformed into her initial configuration that she talked about where she was seeing everything as the creator.

I don’t think specifically talked about the experience that then knocked her down from that, but she said she had fallen from that great height and subsequently used the balancing techniques to help balance the terror, fear, and crippling loss of beliefs. Now she is experiencing what she calls stability, but it feels more like nothingness. So while she’s no longer in the midst of those unpleasant things, now she is in sort of a stasis –I guess is what she might describe it as—feeling of nothingness. She just wants to reactivate the heart again and experience that love once more.

So, that’s the context for her wanting to repair it. She’s managed to balance the negative catalyst, but she hasn’t arrived at a point where she is able to feel that open heart again. Penny’s story reminds me a lot of the story of Icarus who flew too close to the sun.


His wings of wax melted and he plummeted to the sea. I think that’s sort of what happened to Penny. What happened to Icarus was that he became enamored in the experience of flying and forgot about the warnings that his father gave him about the wings he built. And so, he flew too high. I think this points to the fact that the experience she had is a universal experience. People have been talking about this and making stories about for centuries because it is such a quintessential and timeless myth.

But, how can it be repaired? I think that she could make a simple request to have an experience that might help bring this reparation, which I would be surprised if she hasn’t already done that. I just want to reiterate the fact that we believe people are brought the experiences that they need to grow. As Ra said, each entity receives the opportunity that each entity needs. I would say that making a gentle request to have an experience that can help her open the heart again that is not as willful or forceful as what brought her that initial experience would go a long way. But that’s probably obvious advice and she might be looking for something a little more active.

I think that it starts with recognizing the blessing of stability, like she describes it. I think that this is something she can maybe focus on in the pursuit of the joy of the open heart that she got a glimpse of, but can’t feel anymore. She says that she is stable now, but isn’t able feel that open heart. To that I would say to start by realizing that the stability is truly a great blessing even if it feels lacking of joy. It is a base from which spiritual work can be done.

Most people, even those on a path of conscious evolution, don’t have the luxury of stability in greeting their experiences with a solid ground. I think a lot of people often feel as though they’re thrown about by their emotions and that it is life that is picking what we should be focusing on, rather than us having the ability to do that ourselves. But with stability, I think she has an opportunity to very deliberately and consciously pursue this path now. Having stability gives us this option to choose what we want to challenge ourselves with, as opposed to having life offer us challenges.

So, I would ask Penny if she has even just a small hint of any feeling in this stability of something that excites or challenges her or that she finds uncomfortable because I think that would indicate a direction that she should head toward. Instead of waiting for something to come to her, she could consciously choose a path to start taking steps in that direction. Even if it doesn’t seem like a direct path to the joy of an open heart, I think that any type of inner-feedback like that can help start on that path. In my experience, the opening of the heart doesn’t always happen through a direct experience of a joyful circumstance. Sometimes it can be a more challenging circumstance that allows us to open up the heart.

Given her previous experience with very willfully and forcefully opening the heart, I would emphasize the need to do this with caution and gentleness for the self. I recommend testing the waters and not diving too deep, but also pushing the boundaries of this stability, and really figuring out what might make her uncomfortable or excited. Then, from that stable ground, she can take steps in that direction.

I think that the benefit of stability is the ability to pursue these less-pleasant experiences that many people experience without intention. We can do that in stability with care and caution. We can be prepared with the habit of meditation and the knowledge of the balancing exercises, and just the knowledge of balance itself, which it sounds like she’s seeking that knowledge and advice for that knowledge.

So, I think it starts with recognizing that stability is a blessing and then just working from that point very intentionally and listening to those even small inner hints of what direction to take.

Great job, Austin. I love the suggestions in there.

Gary, what do you think she can do about repairing this difficulty and this blockage she has in her open heart now?

As I was suggesting earlier, I think she can work with where she is and to pay attention to her experience. I hope I’m not imposing an interpretation of her words in hearing what’s she saying, but there’s an aversion to where she is and an attachment to the former experience to the extent that she trusted that it was real, and an aversion to her present experience. She wants to run-away from where she is. Like Austin was indicating, I think that where she is informative and is teaching her something. Nothing is being imposed upon her that is not somehow a function of what she needs to learn on her own journey. So, I think an acceptance and tenderness are needed.

One specific energy dynamic that comes to my mind that may be helpful for her to investigate is self-doubt. She used the word doubt as part of what transpired after she lost this experience of the open-heart. So, what was it that was being doubted? I think ultimately, it’s the self because she doubts herself on a deep level. I think there could be very profitable work there to find where and how she is doubting the self, or is not trusting the self, or is not listening to the self, and so on and so forth. I think that sort of work helps clear out the blockages through balance, understanding, and acceptance, as well as creates the space where energy can return to the open heart and begin to gradually, organically—and of its own rhythm—rise into higher chakras and higher perception.

Alright, very good Gary.

When I was thinking about this, I was thinking there might be at least two different approaches she can take. She could go back and look at the difficult catalyst that came her way and caused the self-doubt. Then from that point on, she could forward into whatever her future holds according to the work that she’s able to do to unblock the heart.

I think that in a situation like this, it’s really helpful to get in touch with some other portion of her own mind-complex, whether it’s her subconscious mind (what Ra called the higher priestess), her higher-self, a guide, or a teacher of some sort on the inner-planes that she may have contact with in previous experiences.

There are a number of ways of getting in contact with our subconscious mind, our higher-self, and guides. I think that one of those ways might be helpful for her to deal with the catalyst that was so terrorizing and caused the self-doubt is to use the dream state. Each night before going to bed, she could make a suggestion to her subconscious mind that you would like to have some sort of a dream-message that can give her an idea of how to better utilize the catalyst that come her way that has been proven to be so difficult to deal with. If she can do this on a a nightly basis, then I think that it can produce real results.

If dream-work doesn’t seem like it’s something that is really for you, or if it doesn’t ring any bells for you, I think you can basically get to the same point by writing some personal entries into a journal on a daily-basis where you attempt to delve into the catalyst that you experienced. Maybe you could even go back into how you moved into the heart with that willful push when you had the opportunity or the invitation. Examine the entire experience from that invitation including how it manifested, and how you felt when it manifested, to how the catalyst felt when it came your direction, and how you dealt with the catalyst. Then, examine why you are in the state that you’re in now, which described as stable, but really not able to feel much or feeling kind of ho-hum or neutral about everything.

I think that sometimes when we keep a little journal and really ask ourselves these questions—our conscious selves or some portion of our subconscious—and maybe meditate on them a little bit before writing, we can begin to access information that’s held a little deeper in our conscious or subconscious mind and partake in what I guess a lot of people would call automatic writing. This will enable you to bring forth some illumination and direction from a deeper part of your own self.

You’re the seeker of truth here and you got to the point where you were able to get into your heart. I mean, I’m very impressed with that whether or not you did it willfully or forcefully because just the fact that you did it is quite amazing. I think that you have a kind of inner-resource, or power and energy within you that you can harness and focus in a certain direction.

Again, whether it’s the dreams or whether it’s journaling, or meditation, I think that if you tell your subconscious mind, higher-self, or your guides that you really want to work through the situation and that you really want to balance it and to open your heart in a stable fashion so that you can be of service to others and see the creator everywhere, as well as appreciate the unity of all of creation because of that, then I think then that you can begin to get a pathway opened into your deeper-mind and get some answers back here.

Does anybody else have a thought on anything she can do to repair the situation?

No, I thought that was really beautiful, thank you for that.

Yeah, likewise.

Well (laughs) thank you for expanding upon that. Alright, does anybody else have anything on any other aspect of her experience that we need to cover here?

I think I’ve covered everything I can think of. How about you Austin?

I just wanted to mention briefly that what Penny experienced doesn’t necessarily seem typical or normal. It seems kind of extreme in my mind. I also want to gently point out that as humans with human bodies, we rely on our human-body brains to guide our consciousness, which is filtered through our brains. Some people have atypical brain chemistry or atypical brain configurations.

While the psychiatric or therapy industries can be rife with a lack of understanding of spiritual principles, seeking a therapist in certain situations like this isn’t always a bad thing—especially if you can find one that is sensitive to your own personal spiritual understandings or own spiritual path who is open to not only learning more about your own brain-makeup, but also the context of your whole life that might have led to such an extreme experience. So, if therapy is something that Penny would agree with and has the ability to seek out, and if it resonates with her, then it could be a useful path to try to both figure out what happened and how to help repair it, as well as how to approach a spiritual path in a more balanced manner with the help of somebody that has a deeper understanding of how her brain is interfacing with this reality around us. That is just a gentle suggestion from me.

That was a really good suggestion, Austin. Gary, any final thoughts for Penny?

I don’t know how helpful it is to consider, but I was just thinking about the sequence of the energy centers and the roles that they play. I want to come back to the idea that her experience wasn’t green ray alone. Of course, green ray is the seat of unconditional love, but I feel—even though I could be 100% off—that her energy made it up to blue ray, indigo-ray, and perhaps even pierced the veil, which allowed her to get a vision of oneness. But due to the way it transpired and the potential unreadiness or imbalance in the lower-chakras, the subsequent crash was all the more difficult to bare. It’s difficult to feel like one moment you are standing in the sunlight and then all of a sudden you’re inside of four walls with a ceiling and floor with no windows and no light. You end up asking what happened and if any of it was even real.

The disparity between the two must create a big pain gap. I’ve definitely been there in terms of feeling like I’m up on the heights and then not anymore, which can definitely be rough.

Anyway, I just think that there’s more than just green ray involved.

Yeah, that’s a good point Gary. I was just kind of dabbling with that thought earlier, but I didn’t pursue it. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I think that one of the facets or qualities of the indigo ray is the magical personality. The ability to create changes in consciousness at will is the classic definition of magic, which is what I think she basically she did. She used her will to take an opportunity that was given to her. Now, you might think, well, how could she do anything with her indigo-ray when she’s just trying to get into her heart? Well, Ra said we don’t necessarily open our energy-centers in order. What is the most important thing to do, is to open them in a balanced fashion so that there isn’t too much energy being expended in one area and too little in another, which would cause us to have difficulty in bringing through a steady-flow of energy that could be used by any of the energy centers.

So, it may well be that Penny does have some ability to use her indigo ray. Again, I would suggest to her in a gentle fashion—just as I believe Austin also has—to ask for assistance from her higher self, her subconscious mind, her guides, her deeper mind, or whatever source of information is available. Just ask for a little guidance and some balance in proceeding along this path where you can have a renewed desire to become a functioning member of the open heart, and to be able to utilize the all-compassionate love that is located there in which she has already tasted very sweetly and would like once-again to partake of.

So, I think that pretty much does it unless there’s a final thought from anyone?

Not from me, good luck Penny.

Yeah, I just had some quick thoughts based on what you guys just talked about. Ra described the green ray as a springboard. So what probably happened was she spring-boarded from the unconditional love that she was already aware of and knew existed to someplace a little too high, I guess.

Okay, good job guys.

Penny, we do wish all the luck in the world, and we’d love to hear from you in the future just to hear how you’re doing. We love you a lot and we send you our love.

You’ve been listening to the L/L Research’s bi-weekly podcast, In the Now. If you’ve enjoyed the show, please visit our websites: and Thank you so much for listening and for supporting this podcast with your questions.

And a special thank you to Penny for sending us the question featured in this episode. If you’d like to hear us ramble-on about a particular topic, please read the instructions on the page at New episodes are published to the archive website every other Wednesday afternoon, Eastern time.

We hope since we have this contact with you every other week, that you will remember from podcast-to-podcast, from day-to-day, and hour-to-hour to keep opening your hearts in love in a gentle fashion and to keep persistently doing it and sharing it with those around you. That’s the way we change the world—just one sweet thought at a time. Have a wonderful couple of weeks! We’ll talk to you later.