What do you say to people who are considering a divorce, ending a commitment?

(Carla channeling)

I am Q’uo. I come in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator, and because we speak through this instrument, we say to this group alone, we do come in the name of Christ, for it is not your Christ only, but Christ, a love, the love, the love of the Creator. How could we not come in that holy name, for indeed we too hallow love as we would hallow our mother and our father, for love is mother and father of all of us.

We greet each of you and we thank you for the privilege of being able to speak with this group. It is a pleasure to be using this instrument. We note the roughened condition of the instrument’s throat and will attempt to be less forceful than is our usual habit.

My children, we offer our answers in love and in hopes of being of service, and yet because your question is about divorce, as you call this custom, our points of view diverge dramatically, and in sharing with you our point of view, we so far wish not to influence any unduly that we ask most especially for each seeker’s careful discrimination in using any part of what we say, for we would not wish you to act as you think you ought, but as you feel. It is your discrimination and your choice at all times, and the greatest teaching, the most ideal rule, the most exalted creed is as nothing if it is not the echo of your heart and your mind and your will. It is indeed doing damage to yourself to take concrete and irreversible steps which are not of your own choosing. It is less unfortunate if the choice is temporary, and yet we would wish not to be of disservice at all. Therefore, please take those things we say and weigh them carefully.

Our view. We pause due to the fact this instrument has ambivalence in her mind. We scan and find we understand. There are two situations—one in marriage, one a commitment without your marriage. This is not a substantive difference to us—we find it is to this instrument.

We shall, however, use our own frame of reference and thus we should say that we find the purpose of the mated pair to be increased efficiency in the gaining of catalyst, fellow aid in the processing of catalyst into experience and the supplying of a yokefellow for whatever service you have created for yourself, with the aid of your higher self and the Creator, for polarizing within your own incarnational experience.

In any density higher than your own, partners in catalyst are chosen with much clearer eyes, for the veil of the subconscious mind and the veil between minds are both alike lifted and each entity has a much advanced grasp both of his own nature and of the nature of others.

Those polarizing for service to [other] self will most always choose an entity whose vibrational nexus complements and enhances one’s own. Those involved in polarizing towards service to self are unpredictable in their choices as regards vibrational compatibility, for other considerations having to do with those things which are of the illusion are more important.

To follow this line of reasoning back into third density, may we say that a persistent difficulty in speaking of your matings within your civilization is the great variety of motives for inaugurating and sustaining such a relationship. Almost never is it for the reason that is most closely aligned with the actual function and purpose of the mated relationship. Almost never is suffering, hardship and trouble used as the reason for choosing a future partner. And yet, this is the precise experience you wish to share, for your illusion is created in order that you may suffer and learn. That is the purpose of there being an illusion, for self-consciousness must be awakened. The third density begins with a sense of self asleep, and happiness and contentment do little to awaken the soul. It is the interactions with others that bring grief, suffering, loss and trauma which create the opportunities you most cherished before the incarnation.

Thus, it is well to choose the mate you want to suffer with and for the mate you feel will pull and pull as strongly as do you to carry equally the burden of illusion. Certainly it is well to choose in love, yet, my children, do you think you were given your physical vehicles, as they are, for play? We suggest that in the divine play that is your sexual network of responses, there lies the great wisdom of bonding and creating a reason to consider one particular mate over another. The choices are often too many, for one may seem good, and then another, and then another. And so we observe most sadly that the motives for your mating often include the interest of the physical red-ray center, and often also include desires for benefit. This is service-to-self in orientation, as is an unenlightened active red ray, and will lead to exactly the kind of catalyst for which each in actuality enters into a mated relationship.

However, there being no grasp of the function of the mated relationship, the trauma of catalyst is seen not as what you have come to experience, not as the reason for which you became mated, not as an opportunity to learn what you came to learn, but as an unacceptable inconvenience, discomfort and impediment, something to be shrugged off as if the mated relationship were a piece of clothing that could be shed.

You can see, can you not, that we find ourselves little able to answer in what seems to be a sympathetic way when we are asked what we would say to one who wishes to dissolve a mated relationship? Certainly, we could explain the theory of choosing a mate for the purpose of learning through suffering, but this may not seem very persuasive to one who is suffering and wishes it to stop.

We would suggest that there be made special time for meditation. What could be gained in meditation, you may ask, when the problem, the catalyst, is coming from another? And we do not give a sympathetic response this time either, for the only sphere in which any entity has power is the sphere of himself. True power is power over the self and the right use of power involves the self. There are in any difficulties which you experience, whether or not another has difficulties, problems of perception within yourself, my children. If you see anything except the face of love, you are having difficulties with perception. The distortions are understandable and unnoticeable relative to other entities within the illusion. You may even feel that you have a clearer picture than others, and indeed you may.

However, we are speaking of something that is removed from the illusion, and that is love itself. For each entity has as its core reality the face of the Creator, the heart of Christ, the mind of love. If you do not see that in your enemy, your mate, or the earth and sky itself, then you must polish your glasses and set yourself to study silence again. Do not be easy upon yourself here. For no matter what your actions, my children, it is well to have a bedrock within yourself where you have a metaphysical honesty that will give you strength. You may not be pleased with yourself, but it is well to attempt to continue to know and to bless the self in all its distortions.

Any experience may be reexamined at any time for the possibility that the catalyst has become too much for the flawed illusory entity that you experience to buckle under, and so, rather than destroy your body or your mind by allowing truly impossible abuse, it might, of course, be possible and even necessary that there be a mated couple which must spend some time apart. It is our admittedly biased point of view that it is well to persevere at all times with only one question, and, as always, that question is “Where is God (Love)?”

My children, if you or your mate find love in another, remember your own time of romance with gratitude and thanksgiving, and then wish the best and the highest and the most for your love regardless of what your mate wishes to do. If the difficulty is a difference of opinion, turn from defending self and begin defending your love, for does your mate not need you now more than ever? Is your mate not in pain? Words, gestures, any attempt at communication will heal much. And if they do not seem to be efficacious, that also is acceptable to us, for we expect the catalyst and do not attempt to rule its flow into our experience.

It occurs to us that before we leave you, or we should say this instrument and this question, we can make one point which may be more telling, although we consider it to be no more central than any other, and that is this. The one who believes that by changing the situation, he will change his experience, is following a false belief, for those lessons which each came to learn are for each, shall we say, a list of priorities. When catalyst comes to a seeker, it is a sure thing that there is a lesson connected with the learning of the nature of love which working through the catalyst will benefit so that you may become richer in experience and more conscious with the consciousness of love.

When a lesson is declined by moving out of a situation, the same lesson shall be presented to the student again. The lesson, however, will be made clearer so that there is less chance of a misunderstanding. Translated into the perceptive bias of your illusion, that means the lesson will be more painful and will take longer to work out. Catalyst will be more extensive for the same experience. The one who walks away from a mated situation is buying time but not changing the catalyst that he or she is bound to have one way or another.

To those who have divorced or been divorced, who have left commitments or have been left, we would say that there is no, what this instrument calls, “sin,” and what we would call error or mistake, in moving from a situation. It certainly buys, shall we say, trouble, yet with the wisdom of survival you have chosen to heal so that you may throw yourself once more into your catalyst with a new zeal.

If you have been left, and you have found yourself acting in negative ways, ways demeaning to your mate or to yourself, we urge you to take hold of your will and your powers of love, for if you have not been tested again, you shall be. You will feel betrayal and rejection somewhere and somehow. Next time, my children, offer your love back to the situation.

To those of you who must leave or have left a committed relationship or marriage, do not weep for your past, but rather gird your loins, for your next impulse will give just as much catalyst as the one which gave the catalyst in the first place. This time attempt to infuse your actions with love, with a love that realizes compassion, with a love that realizes the reason for relationships.

Forgive and forgive again. Forgive yourself, forgive any who seem to have hurt you, remembering that you have faulty perceptions if you do not see love in every situation. You have the power to create children of your thoughts, daughters and sons of your heart by what you say and how open your heart and hands are. We ask you to create love. Love one another, my children. Always do what you must with no excuses and no need for recrimination, and always turn your face forward and use what you have learned. This environment which we have called third density is a gift. Every tear, every ache of the heart is precious.

We hope you can give thanksgiving in the hard times and find joy in tears, for truly enough, there is sadness in any joy within the illusion—should there not also be joy in any sadness?

We would transfer at this time, having greatly enjoyed talking with you. We are sorry not to have been more helpful, but, you see, we do not speak of right or wrong—we speak of love. And I am afraid that questions of mated relationships in your culture do not usually revolve about the love of which we speak which is not defined by red ray or any ray, but by that which comes through one and is more than one could ever be. For love has the power of infinity, and you who attempt to generate are generating a very finite version which will, as your red ray itself will do, die away.

We leave this instrument in love and light, and transfer at this time. I am Q’uo.

(Jim channeling)

I am Q’uo, and greet each of you again in love and light through this instrument. We are happy at this time to open our meeting with you to any further queries which those present may have upon the mind. May we attempt any such query at this time?

Well, one of the marriages that I heard about today that may be breaking up, there isn’t another person, there’s just a strong difference between the way two people have grown to be that wasn’t there when they got married. I realize that in general, the thing is to stay together—I got that all right—but at what point does mental or physical abuse become intolerable? You know, if somebody were reading this, trying to make a decision, there really wouldn’t be anything in there. I guess that’s the way you designed it—there wouldn’t be anything in there to make you decide, you’d just more or less get the lay of the land, is that right? You designed it so that people wouldn’t use it as a basis for action, but just for thought? I mean you designed the talk that way—is that right?

I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. We have spoken as we have spoken this evening with the hope that we may indeed provide the food for thought, as you have called it, which will hopefully provide an opportunity for many who are considering the severing of a relationship more carefully, for it is within your culture at this time quite an easy and common matter to break a relationship and the commitments made as its foundation, and then to move oneself into another situation that one hopes will again meet the imagined requirements set by the self for the perfect situation, shall we say. We, in speaking as we have spoken, hoped to provide a more basic point of view concerning the nature of relationships, their purpose, and means of fulfilling this purpose. If an entity can realize that the point of view that it holds may be somewhat narrow in the overall view of an incarnation or a series of incarnations, then the expanding of that point of view may allow for the more fully realized potential of an incarnation or a relationship to manifest within the life pattern.

In our speaking we have not overtly presented our own bias, but have attempted to describe the nature of the process of your third-density illusion. In so describing the nature of your illusion, it must be obvious to the perceptive student that to remain with a relationship that one has undertaken with the commitment that the relationship will endure is the most efficient means of pursuing those lessons and services that are the reason for the incarnation. Entities may feel that there are reasons enough to end a relationship, that it is appropriate to do so. Again we may only suggest that this conclusion is the result of a point of…

[Side one of tape ends.]

(Jim channeling)

I am Q’uo, and am again with this instrument. To continue our response. The point of view which has produced this conclusion is perhaps that point of view which has yet to avail itself of the wider scope of the potential for an incarnation. Perhaps the entity in reaching this point of view has found the more difficult point in the relationship in regards to its fulfillment and in the fatigue encountered, whether it be mental, emotional, physical or spiritual, [and] has found the possibility of ending the relationship the most appealing avenue of action.

This is a natural conclusion, my friends, for the fatigue that comes at any of these levels of experience is a very real thing, and within your limited third-density experience with its great potential for limiting the point of view it may seem to many a seeker of truth that such an alternative is obvious, appropriate and acceptable, when, indeed, it might be that if a slight alteration in perception could be achieved, another possibility for the relationship’s continuance might present itself to the seeker, who could invest yet one more effort in this direction. The pearls of wisdom and love within your illusion are not cheaply or easily won, else there would be little value in that which those of third density seek throughout all incarnations.

To find the love of the Creator in any moment within your illusion is a challenge, my friends, for there is much that hides it, and to find it in those situations in which there seems to be great difficulty, trauma, stress, pain and suffering requires the dedication of one who looks beyond the moment of suffering and sees that which no outer eye may perceive—the love of the One that dwells in all, and the dedication of the seeker to find that love in each of its moments of all incarnations.

May we answer further, my sister?

How is the instrument holding up?

I am Q’uo, and we find that this instrument is in a relatively comfortable physical and mental state.

May we answer any further question at this time?

I’ll beg off, and let H have a turn if there’s still time.

Okay, concerning divorce, is it better if say they could work out a friendly divorce—it seems like that’s a common phrase these days—where after the divorce they don’t hate each other, that they just simply agree that they can’t live with each other, and so they get a friendly divorce. This is definitely better than going through a court ritual and battling it out and all that to where the person is brought down to nothing almost. Is that not correct?

I am Q’uo, and we might suggest my brother, that not only is that assumption basically correct, but any action that is able to produce love and acceptance of another is an action more to be desired than one which produces less of that quality of love.

May we answer further, my brother?

Well, that satisfies that question, but what about when there’s children involved in divorce? There’s an old adage that the mom always got the kids. Is that the best normally, that the mother raises the kids?

I am Q’uo. We find that this questions lies within the somewhat narrow point of view of what is possible within your culture. Your culture has decided, or so it would seem, many things for you concerning how the life is lived and with whom. Within your culture there is the division between the male and female of your species of many of the behaviors which in truth may be shared if the system of belief allows such choices. Thus, to answer your query in a specific fashion, when in truth the generality fails to meet the needs of a specific response, is to be somewhat misleading.

We would respond by suggesting that we are not aware of a general response which would suffice in this case, for the male or female entity within a relationship may, because of its individuality and not because of its sexuality, be more able to carry out the nurturing function necessary for the raising of the small child. We apologize for our inability to give a more concrete response.

May we attempt another query, my brother?

Well, something totally different now. When we talk about past incarnations and stuff like that, is there any catalyst that, any practice that we could exercise to where we could experience past incarnations, or where I myself could?

I am Q’uo, and though we are aware of some practices, those of regressive hypnosis, the guided meditation, and the utilization of the dream state that have the potential of allowing an entity to move backwards, shall we say, and to experience some portion of a previous incarnational experience, it is not our recommendation that such is an important portion of either learning those lessons designed before the incarnation or providing those services also designed before the incarnation.

The higher self, as you call it, has gone to some lengths, shall we say, to aid your beingness in placing yourself within your current incarnation with the forgetting of previous incarnations firmly in place in order that your current incarnation might be a finer and more purely [made] effort at achieving certain biases of thinking or expansions of the point of view which will enable the experience of love to move more freely through your being. It is recommended that entities within the third density look primarily to the current experience of the daily round of activities to indicate those areas where work yet remains and opportunity presents itself for growth and service.

To become overly concerned with those activities and patterns of previous incarnations is in most cases a turning of the attention from that which is important and potentially useful in the life pattern to that which contains far less potential in aiding an entity in its chosen pattern of experience. The removing of the attention in such a fashion tends to blur, shall we say, the possibilities of the present moment of any incarnation.

May we answer further, my brother?

I don’t know as there’s any more questions on that. But what about the term we use as “unconditional love”? Is that the true love that we’re supposed to have for everybody? When I look at my work mates, is that the intense level of love we’re supposed to have for everybody we meet? And if it is, how do we go about that without people thinking that you’re weird or something?

I am Q’uo, and this term, unconditional love, is a phrase, shall we say, which has been developed within your culture or a portion of it which describes a facet of the love which [is] the Christ consciousness, shall we say. If one is able to love without condition all entities and experiences which come before the notice, one is expressing the kind of acceptance upon the deepest of inner levels that is a—we search this instrument’s mind for the proper term—hallmark of the love of the Creator which animates all creation, for the ability to love without condition or desire of return is the beginning of the Creator within the self to recognize itself within all other portions of the creation. For an entity of the third density to experience this kind of expression of love requires that the entity move in harmony with those choices which it has made prior to the incarnation that were made with the wider point of view easily accessible to the entity.

This is another means of stating that each within the third density illusion has programmed for the self a program of study which when completed to a sufficient level will allow that entity to experience this condition of love that has no boundaries and seeks no return. Thus, to work with those experiences which one finds in the daily round of experience and to attempt to find love in each moment is the means by which such love may be found. Each has the program most appropriate for the self, and, as that love is found, one need not worry as to how it might be expressed, for it shall find its own level and means of expression that will be as natural and appropriate for the entity as is drawing one breath after another.

So you’re saying that love is not an emotion, but a consciousness. How we express it has to do with our emotional make-up and how we like the person that we’re looking at. But whether we feel it or not has to do with a consciousness—unconditional love, I mean. Excuse me for butting in, but that’s an important point to me.

I am Q’uo, and you are quite correct, my sister, and we appreciate your thoughtful and perceptive interruption, for it has concisely stated that which we were laying the groundwork for and which was not as concisely stated. We thank you, and ask if there might be a further query upon this topic from either entity present?

Not from me.

No questions here.

I am Q’uo. We would ask if there might be any further queries upon any topic whatsoever that we might address before leaving this meeting?

Is there any way that we could practice or meditate and see the different colors? I had an experience one time several years ago where I saw a bunch of blues and purples just coming, like being stirred up in a way, very beautiful to behold in your mind. I was just wondering if there was anything that you could do that would cause that to happen again?

I am Q’uo, and, my brother, we might suggest that as the student completes a certain portion of its course of study, there is usually the recognition of moving from one level to another, one grade to another, a graduation of a kind occurs. There is at that time an experience that is reserved for that time and that time alone. We might suggest that those experiences which you have described that manifested themselves to your physical sight as the experience of various colors are likened unto your completion of a set of lessons, and to attempt to experience this graduation again, shall we say, without having completed the necessary course requirements is to seek the reward before the effort has been made to achieve the goal. The experiences which you describe are not random, they have occurred as a portion of a planned course of your own experiencing and processing of catalyst and will repeat themselves when the conditions are appropriate.

May we answer further, my brother?

No more questions tonight. Thank you.

I am Q’uo, and we thank each present for allowing us to speak our humble words this evening. We have greatly enjoyed this opportunity and feel that the unity of seeking demonstrated by this group this evening was that which is to be commended, for as each within any relationship joins the efforts with the other selves within the relationship in a unified fashion, the efforts are multiplied one upon the other until that which is sought is more surely found. We are known to you as those of Q’uo, and at this time we shall take our leave of this instrument and this group with our gratitude that we have been able to join this group this evening and we, as always, leave each in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. Adonai, my friends. Adonai borragus.