[overview] The question this evening is: misconceptions and unclear communications seem to be a continuous difficulty in mated relationships. Could you recommend any practices or development of attitudes that couples could share in order to clear their communications and still be able to communicate from the heart?
I am Laitos. I greet you in the love and the light of the infinite Creator and express our delight and gratitude to be called to this group at this time, for this question is a portion of information that we, in our particular social memory complex, have specialized in. That is, the relation of self with other self within the life experience. We thank you for allowing us to be of service to you by sharing our opinions, but we wish you to understand, as always, that our opinions are not infallible, nor are we a source that can be approached as one would a holy work. We are your neighbors and we have come to help at a difficult period. Therefore, take that which you find resonating within you away with you and allow it to work within your life. But if it does not resonate when first heard, simply drop it from your consciousness, for each person’s truth is different and each person’s time to come to certain truths is different and you are a unique entity with the right and the duty of choosing each and every step that you take.
As we gaze upon your mated relationship in your culture we find that there is a great need for understanding of the true nature of relationships that is lacking among your people. To become mated is to become one—one flesh, one line, and one spirit. If one is not able to commit one’s respect and admiration, either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, then the relationship is hampered from the beginning by the lack of the other’s good opinion.
The true nature of the married relationship—or the mated relationship as we prefer to call it, marriage having confusing connotations—is that each may help the other upon the spiritual path that they are making through the seeming time span of their short lives. That is what each of you does. You walk one step at a time down a road whose end you can not and will not ever see. And to have a comrade at your side to share the dust of the road with, to share the enjoyment of nourishment and water when the oasis is found, simply to go through the same experiences and catalysts together, is a very, very great service from each to each, for each has much to teach and much to learn.
Thus, in an ideal sense, we may say that in a natural way of being, insofar as the body complex is concerned, it is the self-conscious choice of some entities not to be mated monogamously but to be mated whenever there is an opportunity. Thus, it is not the animal through which you express your being that is to blame if unwise sexual choices are made. It is the mind that needs to be gazed at.
Now, when two entities contemplate the ordeal that marriage is they must ask themselves if this is the person they wish to be yoked with until one of you dies. Is this the person you wish to serve until one of you dies? Is this a person whose conversation will not pall? There are many questions one may ask oneself. The fundamental question is, “Do you love?” and if the answer in regard to that relationship is, “Yes, I have love for this entity,” then on some level of friendship, or more than friendship, is a natural and desirable outgrowth of such attractions of mind. However, entities within your culture believe, and no one has told them differently whom they can respect and believe, that it is well to marry for love and that one lives the “happily ever after” of the picture books. This is not so.
A marriage is the beginning of two paths converging together into one single, enhanced path for both. That is—we shall use the information from this instrument’s connection with the one known as Jim, knowing that it is given us freely to do so. The struggle that entities who do not have instinctive understanding of each other is to communicate and it is such a challenge that people seldom are able to continue to communicate upon a subject that is difficult beyond a certain point. If entities were able to reason with each other, there would not be the discord. However, when one enters into marriage one enters into that which, by its very nature, has a strong potential of becoming an adversary relationship.
No two entities are alike. Their paths may cross here and there in the mundane sense, but no two paths are at all alike. Consequently, when one attempts to express oneself, to give information about the self to one of another sex, it is as if one is talking through a muffling device. And this is also true for women who attempt to communicate with men. It is as if all the words were somehow distorted. And this is, indeed, due to the fact that men and women do not think the same way. Women have a greater access to their deeper mind, which is the emotions, among other things.
So, you may see that the basic flaw that causes so many entities not to communicate and to have disastrous experiences with someone whom one loves, is in communication. Now, let us examine that to a certain extent. Communication speaks upon all levels of the consciousness of the entity. The giving of the self to the other’s support is that which is most difficult for entities who are perhaps not entirely in agreement with their spouses. However, it is well to remember that each of the spouses is also an unique spiritual entity. Consequently, even if you are being treated as an adversary by your spouse, it is well for you to recall that you have made vows and pledged a promise to cherish an entity until this entity requests being released from the cherishing of you.
The nature of the animal which moves you about is relatively peaceful. That is, if you did not have a brain beyond that found in animal life of other species, your actions would not therefore become wicked, or what you would call wicked if you criticized your own behavior. It would simply revert to a more instinctual way of living. Each entity is free in its own right and no one can be possessed or possess anyone else.
These are all misunderstandings about marriage and mating that lead to many arguments, distressing differences, and ultimate separation Thus, it is wise to provide oneself with a partner with whom one may speak clearly. Then you merely have a fairly hard job rather than an impossible one. You and the other self make a pact to live a very poetic and beautiful life together, a life described within your scripture and your writings as most benign and helpful. However, it is not well for an entity to take for granted that because there was attraction at one time nothing will ever change. Changing is constant, especially for spiritually, consciously working individuals.
Thus, first of all, learn your own body. Learn it that you may balance it, and use it by your own will and not by its own will. This discipline of the red-ray energy is not suggested because of moral or ethical reasons. It is due to our love of free will. As the two who are yoked together to pull the consciousness of light and love into the Earth plane they may realize they have created between them the beginnings of a third entity. Each will have to change a good deal and give up much in order that one’s own path and one’s mate’s path may remain close enough to communicate about. So, communication is always the key. The entity who loses the temper and raises the voice is going to accomplish nothing except a healthy release of frustration, which may well keep such an entity from ulcers or cancers. In that regard we applaud such honesty; in all others we see no use for it.
The animal, however, does have a strong fight-or-flight mechanism, and because of the derivation of your body forms you may well be aware that you are not particularly aggressive in the fact of your animal-hood. For if you gaze at your animal predecessors you may see them cooperating in tribes and families. It seems that you have known and can trust this sort of pattern. The body, however, is controlled by the mind. Even those things which you call autonomous in the nervous system may be controlled by mind. Consequently, it is well within the limits of possibility that two entities who are aware of the ordeal that marriage will be and who wish to tackle it together would be [choosing] the best of all personal reasons for the mated relationship.
When one mates due to the physical attractiveness of the other, one mates with a shell, the inside of which may be rotten, sickly or undernourished. We ask out of respect to each of you as imperishable light beings that you respect and uplift yourselves to the highest and best mated relationship that you can imagine, this simply being the specialized case that those who are workers for the light will have their light dimmed or put out by a spouse that does not like or approve of the seeking that goes on in meetings like this one.
We do not encourage you to blame your body for the difficulties that you have with another. We encourage you to realize that the difficulties that you may have with another stem from your perception that there is a separation between you. Good mates, when finding this distance coming from the other, drop all things, run to the side of the one who has fallen into error in thinking, and correct the opinion as well as possible before returning to work. After just so long a while the entity will learn not to distrust, not to be afraid. Meanwhile, there is the comfort to give, even when one does not feel it is deserved.
Marriage is an ordeal. In this instrument’s mind these words are Joseph Campbell’s. They are also the simple truth. Life is an ordeal. All things are ordeals of one kind or another and the mated relationship is the greatest of all challenges in catalyst because it is the most intense experience of one entity living with another, with the opportunity to choose either to be on each other’s side and to be one in thinking or to be over against each other in different opinions that are hard-held so that you are unable to compromise and that separation betwixt the two of you who were so in love once wanes and dies.
Therefore, we suggest that the greatest tool in working with relationship is silent meditation, sitting together in silence. Also are exercises appropriate by which each recognizes the other as the Creator. It is a matter of turning the will to the welfare of another entity above and in preference to the will of your own self. If there is no judgment of error, but merely a disagreement, then we always would suggest that all be talked out, resolution come and unity restored in the diurnal cycle in which it was disturbed. Do not allow difficult and unhappy feelings about the mate to extend past the time limit of one daytime period, for once one begins to refrain from saying those things that bother it, from then on it becomes more and more and more difficult to communicate until finally it is almost impossible within the perceptions of those who are attempting the communication. There is anger and fear and guilt instead of love and joy and peace.
This is completely the free will choice of mated entities. They need to know their animal selves. They need to know that the animal self they came from was indeed mated, that it is the mind of man and womankind that creates multiple sexual relationships. The reasons for this are quite simple and based upon survival. They stem from an instinct as deep as that which you would call Neanderthal. And that is that one’s tribe is one’s family, one’s group is a coherent and cohesive group and will work all things out.
When you come together in the marriage it is well to remember what is ahead because what is ahead are startling discoveries about yourself and about the entity whom you love, about how life in general happens to people upon your planet. And you may choose not to learn from this but rather to become bitter and sour and be one who whines and says, “It’s not fair.” But the true mate, the mate that is desirable, is one who already knows that nothing is fair within this illusion, but that a trust level may be achieved between two persons which makes it virtually impossible under normal circumstances for that entity to feel separated in any significant way from its mate. You have no animal’s excuse for moving from relationship to relationship. You only have the cultural preference that has been fed to you time and time and time again by those within what you call the media and within the pages of many books. It is a kind of fantasy life of your population which all too often is acted out rather than balanced within the heart as it should be.
Now, we would not for the world judge anyone who has wished to make love without benefit of marriage or who wishes to make love after marriage with another. We are not condemning from that point of view. We condemn simply the breaking of a promise before the promise is discussed. However, such events put a tremendous strain upon the relationship, and it is difficult in that situation for entities not to become adversaries even if they were in harmony before.
It is a simple choice, you see, of taking the time and the effort to understand the other person’s point of view. It will be radically different than your own, for men and women do not think alike, although they often come to the same conclusions. They have, shall we say, a different interior mathematical framework.
Another tool one may use to become more and more one with one’s mate and to avoid the adversary relationship is to allow the child within to have its freedom, to offer it swims and picnics and joyful companionship of all kinds. Never, ever, let the joys of childhood depart from you but rather find the child within your mate and let both children out to play. It keeps you as an integrated being, healthy and cheerful. This is very helpful.
The morning meditation and any other observances which one wishes to offer on a daily basis, this is very helpful too. And, perhaps, for one who has a certain measure of will, just an intellectual analysis of the situation which explains to one that one is becoming an adversary is often enough to rein in that person who does not wish to be an adversary to one’s mate. There is nothing inevitable about matings becoming boring, adversarial or unhappy. The reason that they so often do so is that people are not aware that marriage is an ideal, not a reality. Mating, monogamy and so forth, are in the self-conscious individual a choice just like any other. A choice, in this case, that is truly service to others. It is a choice each makes day by day, from the simple standpoint of sharing sexuality. That by itself is transparent. There is nothing in the exchange of sexual energy to create the fear or the distress on anyone’s part. Nevertheless, we note well that within your culture such things are considered transgressions, and we would, as always, encourage each to live according to not only one’s highest moral and ethical principles, but also as much as possible within the dry bones of legality.
The adversary relationship is difficult to spot until it has become full-blown. Therefore, our last suggestion to you is that each mate become to the other more of a presence, more of a warmth, more the one with the self, so that there is the intimate feeling between two that does not need to be spoken. This inner peace of high trust level, one with the other, can pull both through the crises of the incarnational experience, as they will almost never have the same breaking point in any given situation. Always one will be able to help the other.
When you spot within yourself the beginnings of disagreement, ask for a meeting. When it is convenient have that meeting and express your preferences clearly. Then your mate may express its preferences clearly. This is the beginning of what may be seen as a negotiation within a company, which marriage basically is, an incorporation of two entities into one unit. Thus, the communication is very, very difficult, at first especially. However, one who perseveres will find that the companionship, while not replacing the ordeal, does enhance the ordeal, give it soul, spirit and heart and a vector towards the light.
So we ask you to love each other, my friends, and to serve them not as you would serve yourself but as they would have you serve them. We ask each who is ready to offer the bitter answer or a sarcastic question to stop and ask the self, “Am I uniting with my mate by this statement or am I separating from my mate with this statement?” If the realization may come, then the behavior should well improve as one becomes conscious that the actual reasons for seeming incompatibility and fighting within the mated relationship is within the person itself and not in the spouse. Then one has to move into a far more responsible position within oneself, realizing that as a student of the universe each is alone with the Creator and various other principles of light and love that aid in guiding one. Ask those entities to aid in your relationship also.
And realize that all relationships within the density that you now enjoy, with very few exceptions, go through difficult times. Not just once but cyclical. Do not be afraid of these times, but rather gaze at what unites the two rather than what separates you, one from the other. Do this for the love of your mate, for your love of self, and, above all, for your over-arching desire to be part of the good that comes to the Creator’s heart.
May you lighten the consciousness on planet Earth. May each of you learn the way to inner peace. May each of you find soft answers to hard questions. Brothers and sisters, love one another. If you cannot do so right away, do not be discouraged. Nobody else can either. You have lots of time, but you must be persistent in your will and your desire to know and to manifest the truth within you, the glory and the splendor and rightness of the Creator-self within you. And that can only be crystallized and activated when the opening has been made for that energy to be moved with the help of those of us from other densities.
At this point we would like to thank this instrument. It has been a long time since we spoke through this instrument and we are most happy to have spoken with her. And we are also very thankful that the entity known as Carla who challenged [rigorously], due to the fact that the first entity that the one known as Carla challenged is already known to this group as a fifth-density negative entity capable of moving along the same basic vibratory rate as its counterpart in the physically positive sense. The challenge was successfully made and this very strong negative entity caused to move from these environs, and we thank this instrument that it does take care to preserve the purity of what we may ever so incoherently say to you.
I leave this instrument with thanks and love and in light. I am Latwii.
[Side one of tape ends.]
I am Latwii, and I greet each in the love and in the light of the infinite Creator. It is our privilege to offer ourselves at this time, and we attempt to speak to any queries which those present may have upon the mind. We are very happy to speak in this capacity and would remind each again that we are not infallible beings but are those who wish to share as freely as possible that which we have found helpful on our own journey of seeking. Is there a question to which we may speak at this time?
[new speaker] Questioner
I am Latwii, and I am aware of your query, my brother. We find that the gathering together of three entities for the purpose of accomplishing spiritual work is a most beneficial circumstance when seen in a balanced sense. That is to say, there is the increased possibility of providing a framework through which and upon which work of a spiritual nature may be accomplished, for there is within the grouping of three a source of energy that is greater than the addition of each individual energy and is so in a manner which exceeds even the pairing that provides a oneness, of which we have previously spoken, that is also greater than the individuals composing it.
Three is a very stable number and form. If one observes the strength of the triangle, there is a bracing effect that is apparent in the triangular shape which provides a strength that is not matched by any other geometrical form that does not also take the triangle into account and into the construction. Thus it is as well within the mental and spiritual complexes for entities within a grouping of three.
We would, however, also suggest that due to the history of relationships within your culture, and, indeed, within most cultures of your planet, that there is a great inner and emotional resistance, in many cases, to the addition of the third member of the group, for there is quite often the competition, shall we say, that provides the catalyst within the grouping so that there is often either the spoken or unspoken voting that ends in the two-against-one verdict.
The communication that is so difficult within the mated pair becomes also more difficult within the grouping of three, for when there is the addition of another perception to a situation, there is the additional need for clearing the communication and making the effort to keep the communication clearly spoken. The chances for misperception and miscommunication are as enhanced as are the opportunities for increasing the growth of each individual within the group and of providing greater service to the group. Therefore, that which has been suggested for the clearing and maintaining of communication for the mated pair is also recommended for the grouping of three.
Is there another query?
[new speaker] Carla
If he doesn’t mind, I’d like to follow up on that because it’s—I’m very interested in that, because we have a third person coming and because we had a three person unit before. Before the three person unit worked because the two men were not jealous of each other because I had an agreement to be sexually faithful and a good friend, and that is all that entity desired, with one of the two. With the other of the two I had a celibate, worldly, yet primary relationship. And this was understood. I find myself all too aware at this point that it is possible that triangles can, and often do, become difficult because of the angle of the sexual desire for both other entities by the odd man out, shall we say. Could you speak to that?
I am Latwii, and am aware of your query. Our response to this query must, of course, be in a general sense, for each situation is quite different from any other. There must be in such a relationship, indeed, within any relationship of three, an agreement that is clearly understood and which is valued by each entity within the threesome. This agreement is that which defines the boundaries of that which is acceptable and that which is not acceptable. It is well for each entity within the grouping of three to consider well what each desires from the relationship, from the grouping, and speak clearly these desires to those within the group so that all may be clearly understood and utilized as the means by which decisions shall be made. It is often the case that there are secret desires that are not spoken, perhaps not even fully recognized by the one holding the secret desire.
Therefore, it is well for each entity before entering into such a relationship to explore carefully that which is within the heart, shall we say, and within the mind, exploring each possibility so that the self might be known to the self and then shared clearly and truly with the other selves within the group in order that the foundation for the relationship might be built upon firm ground.
There will be difficulties from time to time within the relationship due to misperceptions. These can be dealt with with clear communication if all has been clearly revealed before entering into the relationship. When there are hidden desires there is the increased possibility that there shall be the increased difficulty at a later time within the relationship that will need resolution.
Is there a further query?
[new speaker] Carla
There’s something I’ve wondered about for some time and haven’t been able to figure out why it is true. It is true that spiritually I’m far more compatible with my husband than I am with most of the people at the church where I go. Yet, my husband is completely unchurched, and I myself find extreme consolation in the Eucharist and in the church beauty in general, singing the sacred music and so forth. I had chances to marry Christian people who would seemingly share my path more exactly. Yet, it was given to me not to make those choices. There was just no possibility of my making that choice. It had to be with this entity who is so different from me but who somehow seems more spiritually kindred to me than meets the eye. I imagine there are a lot of things like this, a lot of relationships like this. And I wonder what is the key, when two people are so different? What brings them together? What keeps them together? Why is a spiritual path obviously not shared literally like, “If you’re not a Christian you cannot share my path,” but rather in a far more broad a sense of religiosity, that is, “We all need to find some way to come to God.” If you can make a question of that.
I am Latwii, and am aware of your query, my sister, and we shall attempt to respond. The desire that is at the heart of each life experience is in truth for each entity the desire to know the Creator, to know the self, to know the purpose for the life. Many have called this the seeking for the Holy Grail. This desire is at the heart of all creation for it is the desire of the Creator, which is all creation, to know Itself. There are as many means of fulfilling this desire as there are portions of the creation.
There are many entities, such as those gathered here this evening, who have put form to this desire in a manner which has meaning to the entity. The form will undoubtedly vary from one entity to another because of the uniqueness that is the hallmark of this creation. Though the forms may vary there are certain attributes, shall we say, that are fundamentally of necessity in order for entities to take pleasure, shall we say, in sharing the parallel journeys that are moving each entity closer toward the desire to know the Creator. The ability to accept that which is other than and different than and even to find a fascination in that which is different from the self, is of paramount importance. The ability to open the mind and the perceptions to alternate expressions of selfhood and of the desire to know the Creator is most important; far more important, shall we say, than sharing each step of the journey in a congruent fashion, for there is the enrichment that comes from contrast and comparison that does a great deal to enhance the journey of each because of the other’s differences.
There is also the necessity for the breadth of viewpoint to be arranged in such a fashion that a sense of proportion, or that which you call a sense of humor, is possible to experience within the life pattern. The ability to accept that which is other than the self and other than the self’s journey and to view it with sympathy, as one views the self, provides the opportunity for the humor to infuse the relationship and the seeking within the relationship with a vitality which enhances the journey. That entities who are quite different in their expression of the desire to know the Creator might find traveling upon a journey an harmonious thing to do is due as well to...
And the instrument at this point has lost its track. We apologize, for the instrument was listening to another voice. We shall begin again.
...that entities who travel upon this journey may find the differences between to be an enlivening and harmonious experience is due to the ability of the wider point of...
[There was difficulty with the recording equipment and a loss of contact with Latwii. A reestablishment of the contact brought no more information.]