The question today has to do with the concept of the ethics of control. When we are in relationship with friends or family, especially children, we often find ourselves in the situation of exerting some sort of influence over the person, oftentimes for his or her own good. We do this to friends, family and even to ourselves, controlling our behavior, our thoughts, our responses, in order to make them align with what we think is more appropriate or “higher” or better. And we are wondering today what the ethics are of attempting to affect our own, and especially other peoples’, behavior because we think that the effect we desire is better or more appropriate or will be more helpful to the person in the long run. What are the ethics or results, metaphysically and spiritually, of attempting to affect other peoples’ behavior in this fashion?
I am Q’uo. Greetings in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are transformed with joy that you have called us to offer our opinions at this time. We do ask each to be aware that we are imperfect, sentient beings such as yourselves. Our store of memories and experiences is consciously greater than your own, but our opportunities for error precisely the same. Therefore, we ask that all of our thoughts be understood to be opinion and not fact. We ask that each discriminate within the self to take up those ideas which seem welcome and useful and to leave the rest behind. This would be doing us a great service.
You ask of the ethics of control. The foundations for such a question must move back to the larger view so that we may begin from a sturdy foundation of thought. It has often and often been noted in scientific, nonscientific, brilliant and foolish ways that the universe is in one way or another in balance: the stars in their courses, the galaxies in their huge orbits, the seas within their limits. All speak of the immeasurable amount of control with which the universe is created. The tiny fertilized egg has the life and the death of the body it shall become written in miniature within its tiny self, just as the seed knows precisely what form of plant it shall grow into, the manner of its blooming, and the nature of its fruit. Thusly, the universe is set upon its course with an intricacy the finest watchmaker could hardly conceive.
Against this fundamental dynamic is its echo and that which offers the opportunity for balance; that is, the freedom which all sentient beings have within the Creator’s universe to choose that which they shall pursue, that which they shall think and choose. Were the universe to relax its discipline, there would be no universe. Yet, the fixed quality of stellar events and cycles is the backdrop against which is played out the choices of humans for themselves, for their families, for their communities, for their nation states, and for the sphere, the world, at large. Therefore, each entity has both more power and less power than it may think it has.
No entity may stop the sun in its course. No entity may control the stars or the tides. Yet, the cosmic influences of star and planet and moon move the tides of the blood within each entity’s veins. The various energies within an entity create cross-tides, cross-currents, the flooding of emotion, the desert of blocked emotion. These things are offered not simply by fate, not by predetermined laws, but by the series of free will choices which has been made by the seeking individual as the individual walks upon the path of spiritual evolution. That each free will choice is one’s own means to each seeker that it is powerful in its choice-making. This power is underestimated.
The effect that entities have when controlling or attempting to control other entities is far from fixed, for the relationship betwixt the two entities shifts constantly as your experience and your time seem to pass; and the relationship, the connection, between two entities shifts and grows as constantly and restlessly as wind or tide. Therefore, the ethics of choosing to control another, or choosing to attempt to control another, are ethics of a corollary nature, the primary ethic being the control of the self.
The ethics of the control of the self may be seen to be a careful and subtle process of learning and making choices. The advent of consciousness into the physical vehicle, which is the body of those in third density such as you, creates a situation where a self-conscious, sentient being lies helplessly within a nearly completely useless physical vehicle. Thusly, from babyhood to adulthood there is a continuing spiral of the attempt to order and control one’s universe: the small universe of the infant with needs for comfort and food; the larger world of the toddler, the world of parents and personal ability to say “no”; the larger still world of the young, learning, growing child with friends and teachers, and a growing sense of the self; until finally, one day, the culture in which an entity lives says to that entity, now you are legally and officially an adult.
At this point, the adult is the product of many, many choices which have been played out against the dramatic interplay of the child needing and grasping enough control of the self to be comfortable, and those who are concerned for that entity attempting to describe boundaries within which choices may effectively or safely be made. Suddenly, the shoe, as this instrument would say, is upon the other foot. This young adult moves into environments of work, of bearing and raising children, of mated relationships, of far more group participation, in that adults are more often asked to help make decisions for church or community or charity, or in some way take part in making social choices.
The, what you call, political system is an example of theoretical free choice-making. It is to be noted that the concept may become overburdened when too small at one end and too large at the other. Your societies tend to spin like tops because the balance point of power is small, those over whom power is held, many. In this regard, we may say that for the ethics of control to be more nearly applicable to yellow ray social decision-making, the communities in which decisions are made must needs be small, small enough that each entity choosing has some small idea of who and what sort of entity each person is.
We move back to our image of the young adult discovering that now, instead of being the radical or rebellious youngster attempting to be free from constraints, the situation now is that there are times when it is ethically correct to attempt to control others to some extent. This is a shock, indeed, to many a young parent in particular.
As an entity gazes at the choice between allowing another entity to make what seems an unwise choice, questions may helpfully rise to the mind in this process of ethically controlling or ethically refusing to control. The first question is, “Will my inaction prevent this entity from surviving?” There is no case where there is any negative karma, shall we say, which is accrued from the attempt to keep another from becoming unviable. To save another, indeed, is a hero’s or heroine’s service. But, usually, the questions are more subtle.
Ethics is a system of thought which describes those actions which are appropriate. So, one may ask, is this a situation in which I should attempt to control because of an appropriate end? Appropriate ends are suggestions that may aid someone in achieving spiritual maturity, suggestions that may aid another in a savings of time or other valued commodity. Perhaps you see the general tendency of this word “appropriate.” If control is used when it is appropriate, then, regardless of whether the entity controlled is in fact able to be controlled or not, the choice has been well made. If, on the other hand, an entity desires to control another from fear—that is, the fear that another is not doing the correct thing spiritually, politically, socially or economically—then this choice of control may be seen to be inappropriate.
The term “war” may be seen as the largest written, broadest spanning, example of inappropriate attempts to control others. The choices for spiritual, economic political, and social movements that have only rhetoric and ideas behind them are those things which one need not attempt to control. Look at how much control is attempted to be exerted by those who would that others do as they do, believe as they believe, dress as they dress, behave and so forth.
When teaching the child what is appropriate, many are the choices made for the child. When gazing at an adult, it may be seen that these choices have passed from the need for outer control. When an entity has the discipline of the self and the personality is touched and quieted by the surrender to that great original Thought of love which is the nature of the infinite Creator then questions of control become far less necessary, for the more centered, self-knowing, and quiet-hearted an entity, the less fear this entity will have that entities seemingly different from him will in some way harm or hurt him or his sensibilities.
Intolerance, prejudice and the cant of religious rhetoric are based upon fear. The ways in which individuals with fear may see themselves controlling may well be that of love and concern for the other self. Yet, no entity can learn for another, be safe for another, or do another’s work. Suggestions can be made. There is no harm in suggestions. If the expectation is that they will be taken, then the matter must be referred to ethics: is this desired result appropriate? Is this desire appropriate?
Leaning upon one word, love, one may learn a great deal about ethics. In your own way, you aid the infinite creation in its path. Each individual’s consciousness, if it rest in love, is more and more a part of that infinite, eternal, constant creation of the Father. As the whirlwind within the mind and emotions of living calms itself, and spiritual maturity advances, that part of each self that is of the infinite Creator and is an holograph of the infinite creation begins to manifest itself without words. Yet, this manifestation of love, flowing through one in infinite measure, gives to those entities whose discipline has been towards maturity an authority that makes it unnecessary to attempt to control, in most cases. For, as one is more and more the authority over the vagaries of the human self, just so does the heart within that self find itself peaceful and open and, therefore, a shuttle through which the love of the infinite One may flow freely.
We began with the image of the planets in their courses. We would end with a view of the constellation of the self. Gaze within. See the starry heavens of your own fixed universe as an electron microscope would see it. Your physical vehicle, all that is massive about you, is as the infinite creation: tiny, tiny apparent specks of matter in a vast, vast area of space. Each cell of your body is unimaginably vast compared to the particles which give it, through their motion, a field of electromagnetic unity. Within each of you there are subsystems or galaxies: the heart, the stomach, the liver, the musculature, and so forth. Each has its instinctually given work to do for the good of the whole. The liver does not sit down and say, “I will not work today.” Barring accidents of ill health, the liver will do what livers do, the stomach what stomachs do, the muscle what muscles do, all directed involuntarily by the primal mind, much directed by the conscious mind. All this space within, all these fixed orbits within, and you as controller over all.
You are a co-creator. Step back from the constellation of the self. See the constellation of your own mind. See the unimaginable number of choices that have brought you to this moment. And see that you will treat others as a corollary of the way you treat yourself. As you venture forth within this incarnational experience you are enjoying, see and feel the dance of interstellar space, of the constellations of the body and the marvelous structure of the mind, and realize that you enter the present moment powerful within yourself. As each fear is noticed, addressed, blessed, accepted and eventually dropped away, for it is unneeded, there will be fewer times that the constellation that unifies as yourself finds, through fear, that it wishes to control an inappropriate way. Look always first to the discipline of the self and the acceptance, blessing and forgiveness of the self, as the self is imperfect, so it seems. Then when you gaze upon a fellow being there will not be the blinders of fear to distract the thinking or blind the eyes of judgment. As this instrument often says, free will is paramount. Let this and love be your guides.
There is more material upon this subject if subsequent questions have a meaning to the group. At this time we shall depart from this instrument, thanking it for its service, and leaving each through it in love and in light, and would transfer to the one known as Jim. We are known to you as those of the principle of Q’uo.
I am Q’uo, and greet each again in love and in light through this instrument. At this time, it is our privilege to offer ourselves for any further queries that may be upon the minds of those present. Is there a query at this time with which we may begin?
I’d like to ask how does one let go of one’s self-control, to learn to contact personal guides like you are or just get in touch with your own feelings?
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. We would suggest that one possible technique would be for the entity wishing to release that which it sees as control that it does not wish to retain within its behavior patterns to enter into the meditative state and to look at the patterns that the entity has developed throughout its life pattern, and to see these patterns of behavior as a web of rituals or habits which have given comfort to the entity for a large portion of its experience. Look at this pattern and the barrier that it presents to further experience, in that there is the holding of the thought and action of the entity within the pattern. Imagine the experience that would ensue should the pattern be altered. Look to those areas where there is the desire for inspiration, for innovation, for the breaking of the patterns and the introducing of new experience. Feel how this breaking of old patterns and the introducing of new behavior would affect the life, the feelings, the concept of self. Imagine this process mentally.
Then, when you feel that you would like to experiment with such innovation, allow yourself a period of time that is unstructured so that whatever feelings or intuitive inclinations might wish to surface may do so. Move with these feelings as you wish, as feels appropriate. Explore in this safe arena of unstructured activity and thought all the attendant feelings and activities that move into the mind as you are experimenting. Repeat this process a number of times so that you begin to get the feel of releasing comfortable patterns and the feeling of accepting that which is new and unknown within one’s self. Become aware of the intensity of feelings that result. Explore the feelings and their ramifications within your life experience and within your being.
Then, again, in the meditative state, look for other areas where there is the possibility of introducing new behavior or of releasing old behavior without knowing that which shall follow. As you become more familiar with the feeling of letting go of control, you will find that there is a kind of skill developing, much as you developed the ability to ride a bicycle as a young child.
The ability to release that which is structured and safe and accept that which is new and unstructured can be learned by any entity that has the sincere desire to release that which it has held onto for a great portion of its life experience. The meditative reflection before and after entering into this process prepares the deeper self for this experience, and, once the experience has occurred, seats the new learning at that deeper level of the self so that it can become a portion of the patterns of behavior that are your tools for processing catalysts, for learning, and for being of service to others by utilizing that which you have learned.
Is there a further query, my sister?
No, thank you.
I am Q’uo, and we thank you, my sister. Is there another query at this time?
[Carla talks about how she has helped many people with such concerns as that of the previous questioner, and has noticed in her work that others give her more authority in their lives than she feels she should have. She asks Q’uo if there is something that she is unconsciously doing that she could learn more about so that she would not have inappropriate, unwanted control or authority in others’ lives.]
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. We would suggest that a large portion of your fear of assuming too much authority in the eyes of others can be quelled by simply reminding each entity that that which you share is but your opinion, and, though joyfully and freely shared, is but opinion. Once this is stated and understood, both by yourself and by the other self, then we would recommend the free sharing of that which is yours to share without further concern, for over-concern in this area may simply become a stumbling block for yourself.
Is there another query, my sister?
[Carla follows up with the statement that with some people, the more one says that one does not have all the answers, the more respect one is given and the more people will take what one is saying with weight, and she doesn’t know a way around that. She notes that Q’uo may share this problem as well.]
I am Q’uo, and am aware once again of your query, my sister. This difficulty we find is that which resides not in the one seeking to offer assistance but in those to whom the assistance is offered. Not all learning or all experience of any kind shall be free of difficulties. Thus, we suggest the going forth bravely without over-concern for this feature of many student/teacher relationships, but continuing in the open-hearted giving without this concern. For, as one shares in a free and open manner the, as they have been called, “clay feet” will make themselves apparent time and again so that there will no longer be the necessity for the reminder to any that the feet are made of clay and the opinion is prone to error.
Is there a further query, my sister?
No. Thank you very much.
I am Q’uo, and we thank you once again, my sister. Is there another query at this time?
I am Q’uo, and as we appear to have exhausted the queries for this session of working, we would take this opportunity to thank each entity for inviting our presence in your meditation this day. We are most grateful for the opportunity to walk with you upon your journeys of seeking. We are always filled with great joy at such opportunities, for in this manner we are privileged to experience the depth of your seeking for truth and the intensity of your desire to be of service to others.
At this time we shall take our leave of this instrument and this group, leaving each, as always, in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are known to you as those of Q’uo. Adonai, my friends. Adonai.