[This session was preceded by a period of tuning and meditation.]
Good morning and my love to you all. I am Aaron. In relation to this focus that Q’uo has offered, there are two areas I would like to bring to your consideration. One is as this instrument has just summarized and the other is to look practically at those places where you get stuck, to look with examples, real life examples, so that you may begin to pinpoint in each of you where distortion arises.
The arising of desire to serve another grows out of aspiration to be of loving service. There is a pureness and love to that aspiration, yet you find yourselves in a situation where others are making unskillful demands upon you. Perhaps they are releasing their anger to you or are asking you to do that which you know they could do for themselves.
Yesterday I spoke of the places where you allow their anger to be thrown on you or where you do for them rather than asking them to do for themselves, out of a place of fear in yourself. That is one segment of the confusion. A different segment grows out of the heart that truly wishes to serve but does not understand where that service lies. When you see another stumble, your instinct is to reach out and help; and that is a loving gesture. What of the one who stumbles, continually stumbles, because he does not want to walk on his own feet?
There is a desire to serve the other. If it was all one way or the other, if desire to serve was either 100% pure or 100% egotistically distorted, there would be no problem discerning which way it was. The struggle that you move into grows out of the fact that it is never 100%. It is rarely even 90%, but usually much more of a balance. You see the real workings of compassion in yourself, the Pure Heart connected to the pain of the other and wishing in some way to release that being from its pain. But, my dear ones, you cannot take the pain of another. You can help another learn to let go of its own pain. You can offer the love, the support, the kindness, that gives another the strength to face its own fear. But it must do that work by itself.
Here is where compassion becomes distorted. There is deep compassion and desire to alleviate suffering. But there is more. When you see another stumble and feel you must move to end that being’s pain, to support them more than you already have, whose pain are you addressing? Look at this carefully in yourselves. What is the desire? Whether it is to barge in and fix their life for them or simply to lift and carry them a bit, where is that desire coming from? Is it too painful to you to watch their stumbling? Is it too close a reflection of your own stumbling? Then you see that reflection of yourself, you get just a glimpse of it, and you turn on yourself as if the very pure love and desire to alleviate suffering were nothing more than your own selfishness. So, you swing from one extreme to the other and find it so difficult to accept both are happening: “There is genuine compassion in me, a deep empathy for another. There is also fear in me.”
Compassion, my friends, is that level of empathy where you so clearly understand the fears and pains of another’s heart that there is truly nothing left to forgive, for there is no longer judgment. Each of you has the innate ability, the seeds, whether sprouted or not yet sprouted, for that kind of compassion within yourselves.
Another necessary part of compassion is clear seeing. Compassion is not maudlin. It penetrates into absolute reality. It knows fear when it sees it. It does not seek ownership of that fear. It is not his or her fear, just fear, our fear, the fear in the hearts of every being that our needs will not be met, that we will be hurt, that we will be lost or in pain.
Codependence, in its unwholesome aspect as we have defined it, is not a problem. You’ve heard me say there are no problems, only situations that need your loving attention. This definition is the clue. When you pay loving attention, it allows that natural seed of compassion in your heart to sprout and blossom. With compassion there is no self or other. Loving attention allows you to see where self is brought in, where fear arises and leads you to inappropriate and unskillful choices, perhaps trying to fix another or mis-serve another so as to alleviate your own pain.
What I have done so far is merely to present the situation in which you all often find yourselves. I have really said nothing that you do not already know. Hopefully, I have presented it in a clear enough form that we may now begin to address the questions, “What do I do with the fear that leads me into unskillful choices? How do I (as Q’uo challenged you) learn to love myself, to laugh at the fears that arise and let them go, and move back into that joyful connection?”
I would like to pass the microphone, as it were, to my brother/sister of Q’uo. That is all.
Greetings in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are those of Q’uo. May we briefly say how pleased we are and how privileged we feel to work with the one known as Aaron in sharing our thoughts this morning.
This being that is you, the seeker incarnate and manifest as human, finds itself awash in its human characteristics. The desire to control situations for an increase in comfort and security often prompts you into actions and reactions seemingly lacking in compassion. And when two together are so functioning, the term for what occurs is sometimes codependent behavior. We would like to focus in upon the seeker you are and begin to gaze at resources which one may find useful in dealing with the pain of that desire which is not fully grasped or well stated, which involves you so often in these feelings of fear and then anger and guilt at the beholding of the unskillful expression of humanity.
Remember that the way the seeker relates to another has its roots first in the seeker’s basic incarnational biases; secondly in the seeker’s more fundamental biases, which are the fruit of many incarnations; and lastly and most deeply in the relationship which the seeker has with its so-called higher self, or that infinite portion of self that is in common with the one infinite Creator. From the very beginning of consciousness, whether within the creation or within the incarnation, the seeker’s first experiences of compassion are those of the nurturing attention of the Creator or parent. In the beginning of life as a cosmic entity or as an incarnational manifestation of that entity, the baseline of first experience is total attention and all needs met, although as a soul and as a human being, it is soon discovered that the needs and desires proliferate too quickly and thickly for the nurturing creation to answer each need in full. Yet still, the ideal of being treasured, cherished and fully nurtured remains a standard hoped for in the seeker’s heart.
Turn and gaze at that heart. Do you have mixed feelings about this hungry heart with its incessant desires? How does the seeker move towards the learning of compassion for its heart? How can you as a learning and maturing soul bring understanding to bear upon your own greedy heart? We ask you to think of the infinite creation with its infinite and seemingly vastly wasteful expenditures of energy, each star blazing and consuming itself down to the smallest visible sight where the atoms move in a perfect frenzy of energy constantly moving, constantly attracted onward. The entire manifested creation of the Father hungers. You, yourself, are the object of the Creator’s hungry heart. The Creator desires to know Itself, and you have been sent outward, given free will in order that the Creator might learn of Itself because of receiving your harvest of experiences. You are here to enlarge your experience, not to control it but to enter fully into it. It is not by taking thought that experience is deeply felt, but the opposite. It is by allowing deep experiences without so much control that learning eventually occurs. The thought is well taken by reflecting upon that which has been received. Thusly, you may see yourself as a natural portion of the Creator, whose hunger for safety, attention or comfort is not despicable but inevitable.
When this first vision of the self as being natural in its seeming imperfection is fully seated within your mind and heart, then you may begin to unravel the tangled thread of compassionate clarity that has become caught and twisted by the attempts you have made to escape your nature. Yes, each of you is quite pure, innocent and untouched within the deepest portion of that which is you. Now you may focus on how the relationship you have with the Creator, with your Higher Self and with your incarnation can inform and guide you well towards the shining source of that thread of pure compassion which you wish to knit up into the fabric of your lives and relationships. This is a journey from head to heart, from fear to love, from meekness to an acceptance of the eternal untidiness of catalyst, perception and experience.
We would move back to the one known as Aaron, as we find the basis in theory which we offer is far better followed by more concrete observations. We happily yield to the one known as Aaron. We are those of Q’uo.
I am Aaron. My heartfelt thanks to my brother/sister energy of Q’uo for the wisdom with which it speaks. Yes, precisely, this is the journey from fear to love, from brain-oriented choice to heart-centered choice. But, my dear ones, you do not have to be perfect at it. You do not have to get it all at once. If you were already perfect, you would not be here in incarnation. You are learning. This sense that it should have already been learned is the source of so much suffering for you. You struggle and there is pain. Can you begin to see that all of the situations through which you move are part of the learning?
Have you seen a young child build with a pile of blocks? Perhaps the second block sits on the first, but with the placement of the third, the stack topples over. There is not yet understanding of balance. The child experiments on and on and finally begins to understand that the center of the weight of the third block must be over the other two; and then it adds a fourth.
Your situations are the building blocks on which your learning is based. Yes, I know that when a block is unskillfully placed and that block connects with another’s heart, there is pain. And I know and you know that you are responsible for that misplaced block. Here is an area of concern for many of you who are older seekers: Deepening awareness of responsibility creates a new form of fear. You know that you are responsible, and thus you become increasingly impatient with your mistakes.
I certainly do not advocate irresponsibility, nor would I suggest that it is okay to harm another. But remember that you are learning, you are all learning; and one of the things you might practice is patience, patience combined with honesty which looks clearly at unskillful choices so that they need not be repeated. You are not a two-year-old with blocks. When the block is placed and topples, it needs topple once or twice and then the lesson is learned. There is no need for the self-chastisement into which error is often distorted, but simply for observation: “I keep repeating this mistake. I need to pay closer attention. Then I can do it more skillfully.”
So, you are all embarked on this journey from fear to love, from the contracted heart to the open one. But it is an infinite path. I cannot speak about eighth density nor anything beyond that. I can only speak of those beings moving into seventh density by my own observation, so what I say here is conjecture; but my conjecture would be that perfect love is still being learned, even at those levels. It is not something you have to do today. Can you be a bit more patient and kind to yourselves? Can you simply remember: I do not have to perfect it today—not only do not have to, but cannot—only to improve it a bit, to understand it a bit more clearly, to take one more step.
My dear ones, on this journey of yours, this search, each step that brings you closer to unconditional love is a step taken in unknowingness. You are blind. When you believe you are not blind and think you are in control, you are walking in circles, you are not going anywhere. The next step to your growth always involves letting go of everything you thought you knew and moving out into the unknown. Can you begin to cherish yourselves for the courage and faith to keep letting go of that which is known, safe and controllable, and to launch yourselves into deeper exploration of the Infinite?
Let us shift course here and work with some concrete examples. I do not choose here to invade anyone’s privacy by using set examples from the lives of those in this circle. Let me instead use hypothetical examples, but those with which you will be intimately familiar through the circumstances of your own lives.
You are each in intimate relationships with others, or have been. This may be your partner, a parent or a child. It may be a sibling or a dear friend. Q’uo has spoken about your being drawn to each other in part by the desire to serve one another and by recognition of the deep possibility of service. Sometimes this service seems not quite equal; and one, seeing its own fears arising, begins to resent the other. Sometimes one is less compassionate to the other. Sometimes one is more reactive to its own fear.
To make this concrete, I will use an example of partners of either sex. But please fit this into your own life in whatever situations you find yourself. One being strives to be ready to go out at an agreed time. The other being is always late. Let us call them being A and being B. I do not want to assign the lateness or promptness to one sex or the other. A understands that B is irritated when A says, “It is getting late. Why aren’t you ready?” A sees B’s need to go at its own pace and not be rushed. At first A feels anger about this because hosts and hostesses are a bit perturbed by the late arrival, and A feels, “I am being blamed and it is B’s fault.” At first A may make excuses and say, “Well, I was ready but I was waiting for B.”
Finally, A begins to see through that fear. It needs no longer blame B. It continually asks itself, “Can I have compassion for B?” It sees the fear of fast motion in B. It sees the ambivalence of putting itself into social situations which leads B to be late. It speaks to B about all of this. It makes peace with the situation, readies itself on time and then sits and reads a book, simply waiting for B to be ready. At that point there is no quarrel between them.
A is acting compassionately but also allowing B to dwell in its own fear. Its responsibility extends only so far as pointing out to B, “It seems to me that this fear exists and is leading you to unskillful action which is disrespectful of others who are waiting for you. I can wait patiently, but I see that when our friends must hold dinner for half an hour, it is uncomfortable for them. Will you consider why you choose to do this? Will you consider an effort to be on time?”
“Consider” is the prime word here. If A says, “You must be,” that is a violence to B. Can you see that? It is attacking B’s pattern, attacking B’s fear. It is trying to fix or change B. But it is responsible for A to point out what it sees to B very gently and ask it to consider what it might do, what it might learn, by changing the situation.
What happens when there is a bit of a shift in this pattern? As A has become comfortable with B’s choice and able to leave B alone with its choice, B begins to be later and later. B is looking for a reaction. It wants someone to light a fire under it, to get it going; and A has refused to do that any more. So B becomes aware, “I must do something to provoke A.” Perhaps B is even later. Perhaps A is fully dressed and ready to go and comes to see where B is, and B is still reading the paper and says, “Well, I will go shower now.” At that point, A feels the arising of anger again. Perhaps B has a different approach and is almost ready but then picks an argument with A, for example. Perhaps A is the last one out the door; or as they are going out the driveway, A asks B, “Did you lock the door?” and B explodes, “You were ready all this time. Why did not you see the door was locked?!” In some way or another, A is attempting to provoke B.
Again, I ask you to fit this situation into more familiar ones in your own life if this does not mesh perfectly. I am trying to use a situation that is common enough that you all may have some familiarity with it. I understand that it may not be the most pressing codependent situation in your life.
Here A is pulled back into the fray by B’s becoming more extreme in one way or another, by B’s provocation. That provocation asks A to focus more clearly on its own reaction. A has reached the point where it is okay if B is late. Is it okay if B yells at A out of guilt for its own lateness or out of its own fear? Is it okay if B is twice as late? Where does A say no? How does A say no?
Now, obviously, if you have two cars, there is no problem. A can simply be ready on time and say, “I will be leaving at such and such a time. I will see you there,” and leave B to its own resources. But let us assume that in this situation there is only one vehicle. Perhaps A is aware of the feud that would ensue if it called a cab and makes the decision, “I am not willing to provoke B in that way.” What options does it have? How does it say no? Can A simply get into the car at the appointed time and drive away? Is that also a provocation to B? Where is it provocation and where is it an aid to learning?
I would suggest that the line is drawn not in the act itself but in the intention behind the act. If A gets into the car and drives away in anger, that is strong provocation. If A says to B an hour before the time needed to leave, “I understand you need a lot of time. We need to leave in an hour, which you have told me before is the time you need to get ready. At 8 o’clock I will be driving out the driveway. I hope that you are in the car with me. There is no anger in me as I say this. Here is ten dollars that I am leaving on the desk so that you can call a cab if you need to, but I feel a need to be on time.”
In loving, non-violent movement with another being there must be a willingness to suffer the anger of another and ask another to consider your viewpoint. The strength of the soul speaks its truth, be it a major issue or a very small one. It does not speak it in hostility to another, but with the deepest compassion for the pain of the other. Nevertheless, it says, “This cannot continue. Your actions cause pain to other people, be it lateness, drinking, helplessness or displays of rage with cursing or throwing.”
It is not the action of saying no, but the way no is said that is most important. If there is any intention to enrage the other further, to provoke or find revenge for past pain, no matter how that no is said, that seed of anger is still planted. You must look deeply into your own hearts. You must also remember that it cannot be 100% pure, but see if it is largely pure.
If you look and uncover some anger for past humiliation, for past discomfort, then you may ask yourself, “Is my real intention in saying no to seek revenge for that past by creating discomfort in the other? Or is my real intention to serve us, the other and myself, and lead us both into learning?” Having uncovered those subtle, unskillful intentions in yourself, you are far less likely to act on them. You may rest assured that there will be a greater amount of purity to your choice.
So what does A do here? It first must become aware of its own anger. B is abusing it. If it is able to release that anger sufficiently, it may point out that abuse to B. In some situations that may be enough, but rarely. If B had that need to abuse, unless B is very clear, it is going to repeat the situation of verbal abuse for not locking the door, or by being later and later and later to see when it finally provokes A. With the saying of no in the example we gave, saying, “I am leaving at this time. You have adequate time to be ready,” A is making a clear statement of its intention from a place of non-fear.
Perhaps A might even have brought it up the day before in saying, “I think this is an awkward situation that we need to move past and this is what I plan to do,” so as to give B warning. B may be threatened by that warning. And part of the next afternoon before the leaving, B may be hostile to A. Can A have compassion for that hostility it has provoked? This is part of that willingness to accept another’s anger, to ask another to consider your viewpoint when you feel so strongly that your viewpoint is more skillful and love-based. It is the only way you can ask another to consider your viewpoint without doing violence to the other.
So A might ask itself ahead of time, “If my choice threatens B and B acts in a hostile way, am I willing to allow that hostility? To what degree am I willing to allow it?” When it becomes uncomfortable, A has the right to say, “No, I cannot allow it any further.” But why is it uncomfortable? If B is calling A names and A can see the fear in B, would not A anticipate that fear? A has even catalyzed the fear. Why would A need to personalize it? Need A ask, “What if I am this or that that B is calling me?”
Is it disappointment, perhaps, which catches A? A may feel, “I really thought B could be clearer here, could be more mature. I feel saddened, I feel betrayed, because B is unable to meet my needs for a more mature partner.” What is the pain about? Again, more clarity, more honesty, are called forth. It is A’s learning as much as B’s, because A must be aware, “In what way am I feeling attacked here? What am I saying no to?” When B understands that it cannot pull A into its issues, that A is going to act lovingly, non-judgmentally but firmly, then and only then is B forced back into itself with loving support from A, without hatred or criticism but with awareness, “I need to clean this up in myself.”
For each of you that see yourself as A in this sort of situation, the questions to ask yourself are, “In what way does B’s behavior threaten me? In what ways do my reactions to those threats lead me back into conflict and violence with B? How can I manifest my own energy more purely, with deeper awareness of which buttons B pushes, so to speak? How can I move to that point where I can ask B to consider my viewpoint, and accept that my request is a threat to B and that B is liable to react with fear? Am I willing to accept the ramifications of that fear as I ask this consideration of B?” In other words, “How do I get myself clear? What do I have to do?”
This brings us back to the spiritual perspective. You are not B’s teacher if you are A. You are each other’s teachers. You are not in this situation solely to teach B something. B is also here to teach you. You have joined together because you recognize the possibility of mutual service to one another and, of course, the loving connection between you as well. You are always precisely where you need to be. If the situation is very uncomfortable and makes you squirm, stop and ask yourself, “How did I get here? What learning might there be for me in this situation? What seeds have I planted in the past which have helped to create this jungle that surrounds me now? How can I transform this jungle by my loving choice, by my awareness, back into a fruitful garden?”
There is always learning in it for you. Please remember that distortions are not “bad” but merely uncomfortable. They also may be the catalyst for learning. You may come to love even these distortions. If you find yourself in conflict and with hatred arising, with bitterness arising, then you are not paying attention. If you find yourself with frustration and fear arising, that is fine. Fear and frustration do not need to be catalysts for hatred. They can also be catalysts for deeper compassion. Fear can be a warning signal, a red light flashing that says, “Pay attention!” And as you pay closer attention and find compassion for the places in yourself that feel threatened by these choices, then you move into deeper compassion for B and into intuitive wisdom of the open heart that knows how to say no to unwholesome demands.
As you see yourselves go through this cycle again and again and again, be aware, my friends, of where you wish to avoid the lessons of the incarnation. Ask yourself, “Can I embrace even this? Can I make space for it in my heart so that I can learn?”
I would like to pass the microphone back to my brother/sister of Q’uo. I also feel that there are some questions among this circle. I do know that Q’uo wishes to speak, and then perhaps we can attend to your questions. That is all.
We are those of Q’uo and are again with this instrument. Obviously, you did not enter incarnation and choose your family in order to become angry together. Your Higher Self and the Creator did not plan the emotional details of experiencing incarnation. Rather, as the incarnation was planned, the focus was upon the offering of the self as a rough-cut stone to the refining abrasion of circumstance, designed to polish and make beautiful and clear each facet of the gem that you truly are. You and your B, shall we say, planned to come together to be of service.
Before incarnation and after it, it seems only vaguely humorous that all of the emotions felt are even possible. For when the veil of illusion is not in place, the differences between entities are healed with joy, and full travel is given to free will for each to harmonize with the other. In social complexes such as ours, for instance, each entity within the complex is unique, and the distinctions and dynamics are infinite. This is hailed as a great advantage for mutual support and interest, each learning from the harmonization process a bit of each other’s uniqueness; thus building a larger harmonious uniqueness; thus becoming an energy and essence fully harmonized, and becoming infinite in energy by the full acceptance and multiplication of each uniqueness. So, too, you enter incarnation ready to learn. It is certainly a rude shock to awaken within manifestation and discover that the veil of illusion is opaque and harmonies are not visible.
We are working in this series to uncover ways of valuing and loving the self while harmoniously loving and living with others in a fully compassionate way. It is well to look to the intention of incarnation in general. There was no wickedness in each entity’s choices of partners with whom to share learning and service. As each abrades the other by the dynamics betwixt them, it helps to lean back against the sure awareness of a kindly and efficient incarnational plan. Then each can turn to a clearer effort at communication with the Creator, the self and the other self, B; for there are many Bs in every A’s incarnational experience. In the next working we would share further upon the clearing of communication by means of seating oneself within a faithful awareness of the intention of the self as it came into incarnational manifestation.
We would end our portion of this working at this moment, thanking each and leaving each in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We turn the microphone back to the one known as Aaron. We are Q’uo.
I am Aaron. It is indeed a joy to share this speaking with my brother/sister of Q’uo. I believe I speak for both of us when I offer thanks to the humans who have made the physical effort to come together for this sharing. I am aware of questions that have arisen from what we each have said, and also of some level of stiffness and fatigue. We will leave it to you. Do you wish to ask questions now or do you wish to end this session? This instrument’s energy is adequate to continue.
[There were no questions at this time.]
My love, blessings and gratitude to you all for this opportunity to share with this loving circle of beings. Either Carla or that of Q’uo had wished yesterday to end the session with a releasing of energy. If they would like to do that now, I offer the microphone back to them. If not, we will conclude here. That is all.