We would like information on the difficulties in relationships. We have times of doubt, fear, lack of trust and faith, and we want to know how to resolve these difficulties skillfully. How can we use contemplation, prayer and meditation to find harmony in our relationships?

(Carla channeling)

We are those of the principle known to you as Q’uo. Greetings in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We bless and greet each in the name of Love, that one great original Thought. It is as servants of Love that we hope to offer our service to those such as yourselves who are seeking the truth. And so it is a blessing to us that each of you has come with your desires and your seeking, for we hope to serve the Creator whom we love. Without the inquiry and the interest, we could not do so in this way. So we thank each one of you for each step that you have taken against whatever resistance to bringing you to this moment you have experienced. It is a precious one to us, and we are glad to share our thoughts, always reminding you that we are not authorities but only friends along the path. We will share our opinions and our experiences in the hopes that they might provide food for thought. Please, however, take anything that we might say that does not meet with your personal feelings of “this is helpful” and simply leave it behind. We do not profess to be without error. We are as you: pilgrims. And the road is long. Endless, perhaps. And so we may delight in that sometimes dusty walk together and encourage each other, for though we each seek through illusion, there is that which is not illusory. And though it recedes before us, yet it calls us onward. And that call seems to be our deepest spiritual instinct.

Your question this day focuses on that which is at the heart of your third-density experience for which you took incarnation at this time, for relationships are the basis for much learning within your illusion. Your entire makeup as a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual being in this environment calls you to be with each other. It is obvious that, physically speaking, the male and female call to each other to perpetuate the species. And this, indeed, is the beginning of many, many relationships. Yet there are others that have just as much use with companions, friends, teachers. Perhaps even those who have not met face-to-face but have meant a good deal, those with whom you feel the intimate relationship that comes from the reading of deep truths shared. This hunger for society, society that fits with your own nature, is a powerful force, an instinct within you. Naturally, it propels the seeker into confusion and chaos quite often, for that is one of the intentions of relationship. It is in learning how to love a mate, a companion or friend, family member, or lover, that we learn by reflection how to love ourselves and how to love the creation of the Father.

Each density has its basic learning. That of first density is the simple beginning of awareness, the beginning of being in a manifested environment. The elements earth, air, wind and fire are of first density. Rock and ocean is of first density and they are learning, not self-consciousness but manifestation. And, as in your holy works, it describes the light separating from the day and the earth from the water, the fire from the air. Such is the learning of first density. The becoming of one element or another. The beginning of the long road from the Source to the Source. In second density the learning turns towards that of movement, of being drawn towards the light and the love of the one infinite Creator. The flower turns to the sun. The greenery breathes that oxygen which animals need, and animals breathe that carbon dioxide which plants need. There is the instinctual sharing of environment, the instinctual harmonizing of each thing finding its place as all things reach towards light and love. And yet there is not a self-awareness. That is the gift of third density. It is the first density in which the spirit within may begin to find conscious expression. For although plants and animals experience harmony and love and a feeling of rightness, they are not conscious of so doing.

When that step into third density comes, there is a veil drawn across that deep knowledge that all is well, for it is within this third density that the newly awakened soul within begins to work through the body, the mind, and the emotions to render them instinctual again through decisions that you make in each and every day. The spiritual work of third density has sometimes been seen as a single decision following one particular religious system, and for some, this is the experience that occurs. However, for many the awakening of the spirit within comes slowly, step by step. And yet small decisions create evolution of spirit, and there is no matter that is too small to become filled with the love which you as a person of faith put into the response that you offer to that which is in the moment before you.

In looking at relationships perhaps it may help to take a step back and to look at the process itself and what we wish to be focusing towards in this process of living in incarnation, behind the veil of forgetting, in the sea of confusion that you call life. To put it in one way that this instrument is fond of saying, third density is intended to be a journey from head to heart. To put it another way, third density is a kind of spiritual boot camp in which one overriding question is put before the spiritual seeker. This question is, “How do you wish to serve?”

The choice in service is of service to self or service to others. Those who choose service to self basically feel that the Creator is them and they are the Creator. The environment about them is that which may be controlled or manipulated in order to best make the self happy, comfortable and so forth. This is not a consciously negative attitude in many cases but simply the day-to-day working pattern of self expressing. The other choice is service to others, and the one who chooses this way of expressing love is intending to, at the expense of the self, put others first. The service-to-self polarity and the service-to-others polarity is like the north and south poles of a magnet. In third density each begins somewhere in the middle in a kind of well of inertia. There is no positive charge or negative charge when experience begins to be accumulated by the awakened soul within incarnation. It is little choices, like whether to share your peanut butter sandwich with the other kids in fifth grade, whether to go sit with the kid with a broken leg in second grade, whether to help the parent who seems to need it. These seemingly small and everyday decisions are those in which one either decides to attract to the self that which is needed or to give away the love that is within one for the benefit of others.

We are those who seek to be of service to others for we feel that others and ourselves are one, even though it is not something that we can see and certainly not something that you can see. You cannot see that your hands do not stop at the ends of your fingers and that the other person’s hands next to you similarly do not end there but that each is touching each. Each energy field is moving to find comfort and [harmonization] with each other entity within this dwelling place and, in general, this has a tendency to occur, people finding ways to make each other more comfortable and to smooth and oil the social machinery that helps each person to feel better about whatever situation is occurring. These are not small choices when viewed in the context of the basic purpose of third density, for in a nutshell, the way you graduate from this third density to the density of love and understanding is by making decision after decision after decision based, not upon evidence, but upon faith. Faith that the love and the hope and the charity and the good feelings that you experience within your heart are real and are not foolish or naive. Faith that things are well and that things will be well and that you do have comfort to give to yourself and to others.

Faith is only of importance when there is no real knowledge, and so it is in your environment in third density that the truth is hidden from you. There will not ever be any specific proof of your belief that will stand up, shall we say, in a court of law or in your discussions with someone who simply does not get it, who is still slumbering to the spiritual self and the spiritual identity that lies within, whatever your orientation. For instance, this instrument is Christian, and that literature and community of the Christian church feeds this instrument and gives this instrument ways to work upon faith. Whatever the orientation of each, it does include resources and tools that are available to all and can be used in the acceleration of spiritual evolution.

So when we say that this sea of confusion is given on purpose and not in a cruel or unthinking way we are simply referring to our feeling that it is only when there is no way to prove belief, hope and love that the choosing of those values and the manifesting of those values in a life experience has metaphysical weight. And, indeed, each choice that you make polarizes you a little bit more to the service-to-others polarity. We are assuming that each within this dwelling is a service-to-others oriented entity, as are we. We do not wish to say anything negative about those who seek in service to self, for we are aware that this too is a valid path as far as it goes. It does not take one as far as the path of service to others, and it must be abandoned, not in the next density, or the next after that even, but in the sixth density. For the fourth density, the one to which you hope to graduate at the end of this incarnation, is the density of love. The density after that is the density of wisdom, and the sixth density is the density in which love and wisdom are balanced. It is at this point that negatively oriented entities must switch polarity, for they discover at this point that they are unbalanced and that they can go no further because the deepest [choice] of all is towards evolution. Eventually each negatively oriented seeker chooses to become positive and to move onward towards the Source.

So the situation for each is a walk in semi-darkness, metaphysically speaking. The light is that of the moon, and there are many shadows, and the comfort of companions along the way cannot be overestimated. Naturally, each entity is drawn to the birds of a feather, as this instrument would say, those of like mind, those of like nature with whom they feel more comfortable, and the mating of men and women is a constant force towards the activation of catalyst that will teach the seeking soul to love. And the best of catalyst is gained with those with whom one is in contact with continuously. Those whom we see from time to time are those with whom we can plan to be our Sunday selves. We may wish to show all of our dazzling good points at once, or we may give them out one by one. But as long as it is the occasional friend that we are seeing we can offer the best of ourselves to that entity in each and every occasion upon which we meet. But for mates this is virtually impossible, and thank heavens for that impossibility, for it is necessary to work, it is necessary that we have catalyst to work with. And since we all came here to work on whatever density we are experiencing life, this seeming catalyst of pain and suffering and not understanding and wondering—this is the friction that we need to move us towards learning. And as we learn, we begin to realize that in each case we are looking not just at a situation but at an opportunity to find the love in that situation and to express that love. Consequently, often the catalyst itself becomes less painful to us because we are able to work upon our response to that catalyst; rather than simply being overwhelmed by the catalyst itself.

You asked what do entities fear when they are working on relationships, and perhaps we would say that the greatest fear is the loss of love or trust and the betrayal of security in whatever distorted way that security is felt by the self and by the other self. Many issues have their heart in this emotional security. The surface of an issue may be money, or health, or where to live. It may be almost anything in which two people have a different view, but whatever the seeming issue there is a deeper issue, a singular issue involved and that is not necessarily a doing issue but a being issue. It is the way of being or an attitude that we would like to encourage each to explore. The one known as Ra has offered the question, “Where is the love in this moment?” and it is this instrument’s favorite way of centering the self in times of confusion. For each of you is love. Each of you is a projection into manifestation of the infinite love of an infinite and divine intelligence that has created all that there is and is all that there is. Of course, each entity in manifestation is distorted from the original vibration of the Logos. Without this distortion, without this mismatch, shall we say, in space and time, there would be no universe filled with light. There would be no way that the Creator could know Itself. And yet, simply being in manifestation posits that there be illusion. As long as each of us is a being, an entity, apart from Love Itself, each is dwelling in some degree of illusion. However, in this illusion each is the Creator to each, and in relationship, especially the mated relationship, this awareness is a healing balm that may help and prove a resource to those who are in pain because they feel abandoned or rejected or misunderstood.

What people fear is being betrayed: offering trust and having it betrayed. There is within each the dancer that would fly and soar and leap in joy. And yet when we let that self out we are as foolish as little lambs playing in the pasture, and we can be easily squashed. And so it is a scary thing to surrender to those feelings of love and joy and enthusiams that are in our very heart, for are we all not love?

One of the big illusions is time itself. And as this instrument was thinking earlier, considering the various things that had been said around the circle, many times it is just that waiting that is so difficult. And what is it that mates or anyone in relationship would wait for when there is confusion between two people? We would say that it is as though there were a dance that all of nature and all of humankind is engaged in in third density. It is a dance with meter, rhythm, harmonization of movement, and the plants and animals are aware of that. And the moon and the sun and the stars dance also, and within each of us there is that completely aware dancer also. And to that completely aware part of ourselves which we may touch from time to time, there is no such thing as waiting but merely pausing and resting until it is time to move into the next step of the dance. But to the human heart lost in confusion, anxious to put things right, there does not seem to be much rhythm or harmony. There does not seem to be a clear cue as to when to enter the stage or when to change one’s step or even in what line to say. And as entities repeat lifetimes working upon one dynamic or another of loving and being loved it is as though you were in a situation comedy, or, shall we say, a karmic book, and the jokes sometimes go right past you because there is too much sorrow, too much suffering, and too much angst. And you feel like a living “Dear Abby” letter in search of the impossible solution to a complex knot of problems.

We encourage each to love that part of you that does not get it. You cannot wake up out of this illusion. That is not why you came here. You came here to be buffeted and pummeled by suffering and pain and limitation until finally, finally you surrender your intellect. You give up your logic and you move from head to heart. My friends, it is in the heart that the Creator is waiting for you, whole, complete and loving you with an intensity and utter compassion that is so real and so vital that there is no response but to love the Creator in return. This is not something for which you must reach. This is not something for which you can reach. You may sit in meditation for days and weeks and months and you will feel spiritual, but you will not necessarily be spiritual. For spirituality is in the being. It is in the self as you bring your self to the moment. It is in the attitude of self that, by faith alone, waits for that still, small voice, that intuition, that guidance that will tell you when to come in and what to say, that will enable you to look at a hopeless situation as far as harmonizing with another and say, “I reject the hopelessness of this situation. I will rest and wait for the rhythm to catch up.

In this endeavor you are crucial to each other, not simply mates, but everyone whom you pass on the street even, for you may in passing smile at someone who is hopeless and that realness may jolt that entity out of hopelessness into hope that bears much fruit. You do not know what you do. You cannot know the impact that you have as a being. [You may] not necessarily [seem to be] as those who are fruitful in the world. Some are. Some do not seem to be. And within the world this means much. Within the metaphysical world it means very little unless each thing that is a fruit is also one that was done with love, with a desire to help, with that stubborn naiveté that says that “I want to give the best that is in me, and I want to see the best that is in those around me.” This encouragement of simple being cannot be overstated. May you have encouragement and support for each other, for you are acting upon yourself when you so do. And may you nurture and cuddle and hug that small self within that is so often hurt by a very bruising world. There is much unseen support for work in consciousness, for prayers, and for a life lived in faith. We ask you to lean into that support. This instrument would call it angelic support and say that there are angels everywhere. Other entities would describe this far differently, but the concept remains the same. There is guidance. There is help, for the Creator is constantly communicating to you using everything: nature, the environment, other people, coincidences. Be alert. Begin to see the spiritually interesting coincidences and you shall be much encouraged thereby.

We would at this time transfer this contact to the one known as Jim. We leave this instrument in love and in light, thanking it as we leave it. We are those of Q’uo.

(Jim channeling)

I am Q’uo, and I greet each of you in love and light once again through this instrument. At this time it is our privilege to ask if there are any other queries to which we may speak. Is there another query at this time?

To follow up on the first question, are there times when it would be the spiritually rhythmic thing to do to separate from the mate?

I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. In the run of things, as we observe the great majority of relationships, it is well to stay with the relationship in which one finds oneself in order that the learning might proceed most efficiently, for there is much work in the, shall we say, building of the foundation of trust and of faith that takes a noticeable amount of time and effort in your terms. This time and effort must needs be repeated if there is the leaving of a relationship that has the purpose of the teaching the basic lessons of the incarnation, for in whatever relationship that one finds oneself, there will be the repetition of the pattern, the lessons to be learned, the difficulties to be experienced, the confusions endured. However, in some cases we find that the confusions and the difficulties are in what may be seen as an out-of-control mode where confusion builds upon confusion. Opportunities are lost and lost again, and momentum fails. And perhaps there is the injury of the mental, the physical, the emotional, and perhaps even the spiritual nature that can occur. In such instances we would suggest that each entity within the relationship retire to the silent room within and, in the meditative state, appraise the situation, as one may do in any situation. And surrender the small will, which places its desires foremost in the field of the vision, and ask what the greater will of the Creator or the higher self might be in this situation. We always encourage the reliance upon the small, still voice which resides in each entity, so that this source of information may be found in each instance.

Is there any further query, my sister?

No. Thank you.

[I am Q’uo.] Is there a further query at this time?

[Tape ends.]