[overview] The question today has to do with what is the most harmonious way to achieve closure in a relationship when the person that you are trying to achieve closure with won’t talk to you? And when you feel a strong emotion in desiring to close a relationship, is there anything that you can do internally for yourself that doesn’t involve another person? How much of this is an internal process?
We are those known to you as Hatonn, and we greet you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. It is our privilege and our blessing to be called to your group this afternoon, and we thank you for this blessing. We send each of you our love and our blessing as well. We ask that each of you discriminate carefully in listening to what we have to say, taking what is good to you and leaving behind the rest. We travel with you as companions, not as authorities, and would not be a stumbling block in any way.
We almost hesitated to begin speaking because the meditation was quite beautiful to us, and we know that our words are not as full of meaning or beauty as the silence. But you have asked for some information about how to end a relationship when the ending must be done by one and not the other. And so we must use words to offer our opinion on that interesting subject. This instrument requests that we express why we are here instead of those of Q’uo. It is the nature of this particular question that has brought forth the energy of our social memory complex of Hatonn. We are of the love vibration, and truly there are some concerns that are addressed through the totally open heart rather than through wisdom or any mix of love and wisdom.
One of these concerns of the open heart is forgiveness, and although it may not seem that affecting closure of a relationship has particularly to do with forgiveness, in actuality it has a great deal to do with this somewhat difficult concept. The relationships that come into the life, any life in any density, are a gift of the self to the self. Incarnation is a special period within the timeless circle of being, when time and space take hold and the personality that you are sets off on an adventure. You give yourself resources and things to carry for this adventure. You give yourself targeted issues that you wish to explore for incarnational lessons, and you give yourself relationships by whose means these issues may be addressed most efficiently. Relationships are ideally experienced as the coming together of two entities who work with more and more harmony until all of the learning between them has been accomplished, and all of the possibilities of service between them have also been explored and generous gifts given. So it is that each relationship teaches and gives us the opportunity to share our gifts and to be of service. And in actuality this is what happens, but on the level of the physical illusion it often may seem that the expression of a relationship is sadly incomplete and must be left in what seems to be an inharmonious condition.
In some cases there is no recourse upon the level of the physical illusion from seeing relationships end before the self is ready for them to end, before the expression has been or is felt to be complete. The other entity in the relationship may well have passed from this physical illusion, thus ending the direct chance of communication. There may be such a separation between the two entities from the impact of circumstances and differences of opinion that there is no longer the opportunity to communicate. Certainly many emotions can come between two entities, making it impossible for them to be successful at speaking with each other, whether because of anger and guilt or simple misunderstanding.
The desire of the spirit within incarnation is mixed because the spirit within incarnation is a mixed being, and by that we mean that on the one hand there is the personality which wishes to be comfortable and to manipulate and control situations for comfort and safety. There is also that completely spiritual being which has very little to do with time and space but has a great deal to do with ideals and inspirations and mystery and, oddly enough, ethics, so that there is that part of a spiritually awakened entity that at all times wishes to do everything possible to create the most ethically pure situation where all respect has been given, all communication has been harmonized, and all differences have been healed as well as words can heal them.
In many cases for a spiritually awakened entity the situation is that the other entity has chosen not to follow the call of the highest and best and has, therefore, simply decided to end a relationship without communication. When you are faced with this situation we may suggest that the first work to be done is simply to release the situation from your conscious control. It is amazing that there is not more pain connected with relationships, for indeed in almost all cases two entities in relationship will have many areas of pain and soreness. We encourage again and again the communication between loving beings that is honest and clear, saying the hard thing as well and as kindly as possible, for it is in the saying of the hard things and in the bringing up of difficulties, in the exposing of the self in its vulnerabilities and its pain that entities begin to become closer and start to generate the kind of unconditional trust that is necessary for that experience of having true intimacy between two people.
Within your density it is virtually impossible to know when you have hurt someone, how you have hurt someone, where the sore spots are, where the sensitive areas lie. And if another entity will not share this information with you, then what intuition does not tell you remains unknown. And how painful this is, both for the self who is missing the mark unknowingly and for the other self who has not the strength of character to speak up and express in a gentle and loving way the needs that must be met, the limits of being that must be confessed, the self-perceived faults that must be shared.
The second thing that we would say is that this situation of unrequited communication is sometimes part of the lesson that is yours to learn in having this relationship. When one is dealing with a repeated issue, especially one they see repeatedly crop up, where it is not simply the releasing of another entity, it is also the releasing of an issue that lies behind the failure to communicate within the relationship. For those lessons which you came to learn and those gifts which you came to share may in some cases overpower the personalities involved in a relationship, so that it is helpful to probe what was brought up within that relationship that it may be seen that there were impersonal elements in the relationship that have no need to be discussed with the other but only with the self.
In this entity’s experience, for example, this one known as Carla has had the experience of discovering after the fact that communication intended to help has indeed hurt to the extent that further harmonious relationship was impossible. Was this entity at fault? To any way of perceiving, no. Is another entity at fault because it cannot defend itself? To any perceived way of thinking, again, no. Sometimes for two entities the issues become larger than the relationship, and for the entities it is well to think, for the one known as Carla, what is the issue that sits squarely at the heart of the inability to communicate? For this entity the incarnational issue happens to be, “How do I serve another entity?” And it is in the light of service to others that this entity will then find closure to a relationship that seems to be hanging.
But at a level deeper than this, at a level deeper than lessons and personality shells, the lessons are all about love. And we would pause that each within the circle may re-center the self upon the realization in this moment of the utter love in which each abides. Each is the one infinite Thought of love, brought into flesh, given a voice and hands to do, to serve and to be. But each moves with the breath of love, with the energy of light, with the power of deity. And from the standpoint of that loving nature, each is as a vibration and that vibration is an expression of love. It is well to remember this deep and constant nature of self, for certainly upon the surface of the physical incarnation, in the everyday experience, there are many rough waters and puzzling events aplenty.
It is well to remember that all things come down to issues of love, forgiveness, acceptance and release. In this particular instance where there is a desire to find closure in a relationship without the advantage of communication from the other party, the largest issue is forgiveness. And it is not simply forgiveness of another self although this certainly is involved, but rather it is coming to see that that person is a part of the self which the self does not happen to be able to control. However, the self can control the emotions and the direction of thinking within the heart. It can determine for the self to release and forgive all shadows that appear to blot the beauty of another person at the soul level and to know that person again as that person has been known before, as perfect, without blot or blame or sin of any kind. For this is the true nature, not only of that person, but of the self and of all that is. Once that other entity has been released from its stricture within your heart, the remaining work of forgiveness lies within the self. For although the issue seems to have to do with another entity, in truth all things come back to the self, and the other self is not forgiven until the self has forgiven the self.
When there has been a great deal of trauma, emotionally and mentally, it may not seem to the self that there has been any blame attached to the self. It may seem that all has been done beautifully and with a perfectly intended positive outcome hoped for. And we do not say that these things are not true. We only say that they are true for each entity, so that if one were to speak to the other in the relationship in this situation where two cannot speak together it may be that an entirely different story would come forth, a story unrecognizable from the standpoint of the self, so changed are the events that actually took place between the two by the viewpoints of the two different people. However, spiritually speaking it is perfectly possible and very highly recommended by us to pursue the closure of such a relationship until the heart within the self is completely satisfied and the processes of healing then can progress. Once all blame, anger and so forth have been lifted from the other person and the focus has shifted to the heart within the self, then it is that the true work can be done with much more helpfulness and efficiency. There are no issues within the self of infringing on the free will for it is the own free will of the self that is involved, and you can decide that which you wish to do without fearing that you have trodden on sore feet.
For many a physical action is very helpful in attaining closure of such a heart-breaking and difficult situation. In order to invoke the forces of what this instrument would call Mother Nature we would suggest something direct such as writing down all of those things which you wish to say, one after the other, in exquisite detail, leaving out nothing, but saying everything that you hoped to say. Then we would suggest one of two ways of alerting nature and the forces of nature of your need for closure. One way would be ritually and carefully to burn such a letter, offering it up to the infinite Creator. Another way would be to take such a letter, to wrap it around something physical such as a piece of tree root or a rock or small pebble and burying it, again with some ritual words designed to express the willingness to release this situation from human control and judgment.
Underlying this act is a faith in the rightness of the relationship as it is in its seeming imperfection. If there is absolutely no desire for further relationship with the entity with whom closure is desired we would suggest burning. If there is the desire to invoke the forces of time so that in any future in which such relationship and such issues may again be worked upon that there is willingness to do the work, we would suggest burying. But in both cases we would suggest the most careful thought as to the expression you wish to make as you burn or as you bury, seeing this in true terms of closure, seeing the making of an end and asking the self, “How can I make the most loving and most harmonious end? How can I release this soul to move along its path with the most open heart?” Let this be a concern that brings forth the words that are the highest and the most loving that can be found while at the same time being completely honest and sincere.
Remember that you deal with fragile, fragile beings when you come into relationship. It may seem that you are fighting a tremendously powerful force, yet you are only fighting yourself. The shadow of self within this other self, just like you, is a delicate, sensitive, vulnerable spirit, often confused, and often out of control. Even when we think we are in control, many times there are emotions that are impure and issues that have not been fully realized that bias and distort perception. This is the nature of the physical illusion that you enjoy at this time. To some extent it is still the nature of our environment. We can be fooled by ourselves. We can be fooled in subtle ways in relationship. This work goes on past your density. Yet it is good to deal with. It is indeed the very stuff of spiritual evolution. To work on relationships is to purify the emotions and to center the self again and again in humility and a desire to be of service.
Realize in a very deep way that the job of the self is to give and receive love. The work of receiving love is done when it is perceived as being offered. The work of loving is endless, for it does not take the agreement of another person to love that person. All beings may be loved without infringement of free will. So we encourage each to work on loving without expectation of return, without attachment to the outcome of a letter or a telephone call or any other communication, but loving into the void, into the abyss, that is a life lived in faith.
We would at this time transfer this contact to the one known as Jim. We thank this instrument and leave it in love and in light. We are those known to you as Hatonn.
I am Hatonn, and greet each again in love and in light. We would ask those present if there may be any further queries which we might address this day?
[new speaker] Carla
I would ask if you would like to comment on why we got you instead of Q’uo. You did say something about that. I would be glad to hear anything further.
I am Hatonn. We are always eager to lend our vibrations to this group, for we have been with this group for a great portion of your time. When there is a certain configuration of seeking within your circle of seeking, then it is our privilege to join you in word and with our vibrations. And so we do so today. May we ask if there is another question?
[new speaker] Carla
No. I am glad to talk to you. I just asked about it because it is unusual and hadn’t happened in a long time. I’m very glad to talk to you. There have been requests to talk to Oxal and Yadda as well, but I haven’t exactly known how to request certain entities because I just ask for the highest and best contact that I can carry in a stable manner and that almost always comes up Q’uo. Thank you very much.
I am Hatonn, and we thank you, my sister. May we ask if there is another question at this time?
[new speaker] S
My niece has very few things that she will eat, and even the things she does eat, she is removing some of those from her diet now. My brother and his wife are concerned, and I am curious as to the reason for what she is doing. Is there anything that we can do to help her?
I am Hatonn. We are not well aware of this entity and must speak in most general terms, for it is not our forte to look to individual vibrational complexes in order to diagnose the difficulties therein. We may suggest that when an entity finds that there is little of the foodstuffs that it is interested in, and this is most often especially the case with the young children of your peoples, that the need [is] for the intake of love from those that are the parents and the, shall we say, significant entities in the life pattern. For in its most basic sense, your food is love. It allows the life force to continue to move through the physical vehicle, and the young entity will equate the foodstuffs with this quality of love that is needed most basically by all entities, especially by the younger entity. If there is some manner in which attention may be given to this young child in a more understandable manner, perhaps then the reflection of being full of love will manifest in the eating habits as well. May we ask if there is another question, my brother?
[new speaker] S
Are there any words of wit or wisdom from our unseen friends that join us in our circle today?
I am Hatonn. We consider your query and may report that the verbal communication has been left to us this day, which we are happy to undertake. However, we would remind each entity present that the means of communication that is most effective is not that which is mind to mind or mind to ear, but that which is heart to heart. Those entities which join us this day, who are not visible to your physical eyes, send this vibration of love to each present with greetings, with blessings and with benedictions that each may be well and may reflect this love to all about it. Is there another question, my brother?
[new speaker] S
Not from me right now. Thank you.
I am Hatonn, and we are grateful to you as well, my brother. Is there another question at this time?
[new speaker] R
I have no question but feel that I want to say that it is nice to hear Hatonn. It does not always happen, and thanks for speaking of love because it does come through.
I am Hatonn. We are also grateful for your presence and the love that we feel from you and indeed that we feel from each within this circle this day. We would ask if there may be a final query before we take our leave of this group?
[No further queries.]
I am Hatonn. We find that the thanks and the love and the sincere desire to seek that we have found within this circle are reflected also within our hearts to each here this day and to all those who hunger within the population of your planet. For there is to our ears a great call for love at this time from this planetary population. We are honored to be but a small number of the great heavenly host that answers this call at this time. If each will take the time in each day to meditate and to seek there the one Creator, there is where this love may be found in its most obvious quality and sense. For within the daily round of activities that is normal to most of your population, the noise and static, the hustle, the bustle, the hurrying is much too loud for most ears and heart to hear. But within the heart of your heart, there is the voice of love speaking directly to each. We are know to you as those of Hatonn, and we would take our leave of this instrument and this group at this time. Adonai, my friends. Adonai vasu borragus.