[overview] Question from P: Q’uo, I continually live with the feeling that I’m missing something critical in the understanding of what my purpose is for having incarnated on Earth. Because of this unease, my life is one of constant questioning, searching for answers and explanations, and an overall lack of peace and wellbeing. Because I don’t have a sense of purpose or even feel that I belong here—alive, living on Earth—I feel I’ve not learned key lessons properly in regards to right activity, right companionship, right home, knowing my true identity, and loving myself. I feel I am a woman-child, locked in my own world with myself and by myself. I sense that I’m not dealing with or conscious of how to scatter the ashes of the past and walk through the threshold of the future joyfully in order for the maturation and harvest to unfold. Please offer guidance and assistance as you look at my situation and offer thoughts and spiritual principles you feel will help me on my individual path to self-realization. Thank you.
We are those known to you as the principle of Q’uo. Greetings in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator, in Whose service we come to you this day. Thank you for the privilege of asking us to be a part of this circle of seeking. We, however, ask you a favor and that is that you use your discrimination very carefully in listening to our thoughts. Sometimes our thoughts are helpful and we certainly hope that our thoughts will be helpful to you but we do not always hit the nail on the head, shall we say, and we want you to realize that we may not speak words that mean a lot to you. If they do not resonate to you, please leave them behind and do not try to work with them. If you will use your discrimination in this way we will feel far more free to speak with you without being concerned that we will infringe upon your free will or be a stumbling block in your process. We thank you for this consideration.
My sister, our first consideration upon receiving your query is to reassure you that you have not lost your way. You have not wasted time. There are ways in which perhaps we may be able to offer you resources and we are glad to do so. But our first concern is simple encouragement and reassurance.
We are aware that you feel isolated, indeed, to an extreme, where you are not only isolated from the normal companionship that so many entities upon planet Earth find very easy and almost unnoticeable to achieve but also that feeling of isolation even from parts of yourself. There is a hunger within you to integrate all of those elements of self that exist within your skin and to find some comfortable arrangement which makes you feel whole, complete and, as this instrument would say, comfortable in your own skin.
This isolation is a natural and normal part of the personality shell experienced by an entity who has awakened within the dream of Earth to the knowledge that there is a great deal more in heaven and Earth than has been dreamt of by most peoples’ philosophies. Some of those who have these feelings are called wanderers. Their isolation comes from the experience of coming from higher densities where the situation as regards being aware of the inner thoughts and feelings of the self and other selves is extremely open compared with the guarded and veiled realizations and expressions of unity available to those upon planet Earth in third density.
Others, being Earth natives and not being from higher densities, nevertheless having awakened, feel similarly isolated.
Whether or not you have a past that is involved with relationships with those in higher densities, your experience at this time is typical of what this instrument has often called, “the wanderer’s blues.” Once having awakened, one cannot go back to sleep. Once one has realized that one is on a journey that cannot be circumscribed by life and death, one cannot go home again. Such is the experience of the wanderer.
The good news for such entities is that they are not permanently locked in such isolation, nor are they alone. The key to the door behind which you find yourself isolated is a cluster of realizations which we will attempt to discuss with you. We welcome your queries at the end of our discussion to further particularize that which you wish to know.
We find that your experience at this time is that which occurs when an entity who is attempting to accelerate her rate of evolution of mind, body and spirit reaches a critical point in her journey. Indeed, my sister, you have been at this critical point for some time but you have not known how to move forward because of a very understandable linkage of spiritual understanding with cultural understanding.
The culture of which you are a part identifies moving forward with action. In order to progress, there needs to be some marker that indicates that action has been taken and has been taken successfully.
However, you are not attempting to work in the world of space/time. You are not attempting to change anything in the physical world. Your prey lies in the land of the metaphysical and is part of what this instrument would call the time/space continuum. You are attempting to work in the inner worlds where instead of the illusion of matter you are dealing directly with energy and instead of physical things, you are working with thoughts. This is the realm of mystery, paradox and spirituality. And it is a world that you know very well.
However, the nature of movement forward in this particular world is other than you have suspected. And we would attempt at this time to share a few thoughts with you that are intended to help you to see what our thinking is here.
We would start our discussion with the red-ray energy center. There are blockages within any entity’s system starting with the red ray and moving upward. And in your case, my sister, we find that you have an over-activation and a blockage in combination within the red-ray energy center created by your feeling, on an unconscious level, that you have erred and made mistakes. This has contracted your survival mechanisms and has created for you a situation in which you are frequently and instinctively in the position of feeling the emotions and physical sensations involved with the fight or flight mechanism. It is a signal that has gone wrong within your energy system.
We would like to note at this point that we would not condemn [you] or express the feeling that you have made a mistake in creating this blockage. We would wish to point out to you that the dedication, the love, and the courage that you have shown in being persistently and determinedly concerned to fulfill your mission and your purpose within this incarnation is quite commendable. That it has inadvertently placed you in a situation where your energy system is somewhat off-balance is simply part of that which you are taking in as catalyst and that which you will work out in time and with love as part of your spiritual journey upon planet Earth during this incarnation.
Since you are very well aware of blockages that you have experienced both in the orange-ray chakra of personal relationships and the yellow-ray chakra of legal relationships such as marriage, we will simply note that we would agree with you that there have been imbalances in these energy centers which have produced for you an untold bounty of suffering and have given you much information and learning which you have used to a great extent with a dispassionate and objective intention of harvesting every bit of learning and service that you could from each experience. Again we commend you, my sister.
The crux that faces you at this time lies within the green-ray or heart chakra. There would seem to be, to the untutored eye, a unified and holistic heart that awaits the one who approaches the gateway to the open heart. However, in point of fact, the heart chakra has two distinct levels. We would call them the outer courtyard of the heart and the inner sanctum of the heart.
You come into the outer courtyard of your own heart when you are ready at last to face your shadow self. Whatever you have not yet recognized or developed within your full personality, meets you in the courtyard of the open heart. It is here that you will find your shadow self. In order to enter the inner sanctum of your own heart, you must do the work of greeting, understanding, accepting, feeling compassion for, and eventually redeeming every bit of undeveloped light that is a part of yourself.
It is our belief that each entity is the Creator. Just as a holographic image can be seen by any part of that image and reflect the whole, so are you a holographic spark of the one infinite Creator. Therefore, as you move into the inner sanctum of your heart, you need to carry your entire self with you.
This is the crux that you now face. The part of yourself which you must now redeem we would characterize to you only very vaguely by saying that you have high expectations of yourself, and this has created for you a distortion in the way you experience yourself.
You have been a judge instead of a redeemer to yourself. This is acceptable. Again, this is not a mistake. However, your faculty of judgment, honed brilliantly as it is, is not that all-compassionate and all-loving faculty that waits for you in the open heart. Therefore, judgment itself, as a part of your personality, needs to be called into that outer courtyard of the open heart. Perhaps you may create for yourself a conversation with this judge that is a portion of your personality.
What is there about this faculty of judgment that is important? What could the faculty of judgment be omitting as it attempts to assess the situation of a soul dwelling in the midst of the illusions of planet Earth?
There are times when a love of detail and the desire to find the bottom line and solve every problem do not serve you well. When you are attempting to love, forgive and come into a deeper understanding of yourself, such rationalization may well be a very blunt instrument to use in comparison to your faculties of faith and intuition.
Thusly, we would encourage you to suspend all judgment of yourself and to gaze—blessed only by your native intuition—at this beautiful “women-child” that you have described yourself as being. Can you see the absolute fidelity to doing the very best that you can? Can you see the purity of your intentions and the beauty of the colors of your character, your wit, your sense of humor, and all of those things that make you unique?
Look now for the judgment. Can you see in this judgment the very human desire to come into a position of control? That is not actually a portion of the heart. This is a subtle point and we would allow you to ponder it.
We would take a step back from gazing specifically at you, my sister, and simply talk about the way it feels to experience unconditional love. Visualize, if you will, approaching the door to your heart, to that inner sanctum in which is safety, acceptance and compassion.
There is a portion of yourself that is already there. It has been there since before your birth. It will be there until the moment when your consciousness shifts through the gateway into larger life. That portion of you is the part that you are attempting to meet once again. It is a portion of yourself for which you are starved, and it does indeed lie waiting for you—as it always has.
It is that portion of yourself that is the Creator. To this instrument, who is a mystical Christian, the face of this entity is the face of the Christ. This makes it very easy for her to visualize what is awaiting her in the open heart, for she has a visual image already created in her mind’s eye of this entity. We would suggest that you find a face for unconditional love as it awaits you in your own heart. This image is a portion of your own self, and yet at the same time it is a portion of the Godhead principle.
It may help you to relate to it intimately if you can find a face for that image. There are many mythological, philosophical, religious and cultural figures from which to draw. We have suggested to some whose feelings ran along lines of thought that took in the Oriental world, the face of Quan Yin, Buddha, Mohammed or that unnamed God of Yod-He-Vau-Heh. There are many images from which to draw. Personalizing that loving presence that awaits you with open arms and a full heart is often helpful in creating the environment for you to move forward through this period or place of resistance that is like a meniscus.
There is a resistance to breaking through into the open heart. That judgment does not want to let go and simply say, “Well, perhaps judgment is not appropriate here. Perhaps there is an end to the decimation and the evaluation of a critical mind.” Again, this is a subtle point and we welcome you to ponder it as long as you wish.
However, what has been backing up for you and creating pressure in this situation is the hunger that you have to work with your higher energy chakras. You are oriented very much to working with the blue ray of open communication and to do the work in conscious[ness] of the indigo ray. In your desire to move ahead with this higher-chakra work, you have unknowingly placed a good deal of pressure on yourself. The end result of this has been a kind of locking up of the energy body.
The way to relax it and to allow it to move as it will to find a more natural balance is to open yourself up to a new level of belief in yourself and a new level of faith that all is well.
My sister, it is almost impossible to soothe a seeker’s doubts or to create an effective reassurance from the level of concerns. We cannot give you specific information on repairing or improving your energy body, your relationships or any of the other points you mentioned having to do with the outworking of the details of a physically lived life. From our standpoint, the repair must come from taking a higher point of view and then looking with that improved, broadened, and deepened point of view back at the situation.
From that higher point of view that is ours, we would suggest to you in a humble way, realizing that you may not agree with us, that you already have accomplished that which you wish to accomplish but that you have not yet given yourself permission to enjoy it.
We would suggest that all is truly well.
Now, as we gaze at the thoughts within this instrument’s mind at this time and within your mind at this time, we find ourselves drawn to speak concerning this intense feeling of being alone and the accompanying feelings that you have deficiency in your ability to create sound and loving relationships, either with yourself or with others.
We would agree with you that you have created a protected space about yourself that is unconsciously but efficiently designed to offer to the outside world a challenging persona that is not designed to be easy to become close to. We would suggest to you that this defense mechanism was put in place by you at a time in your life when you were young and unable to defend yourself against the thoughtlessness and insensitivity of those who were important to you. It was done at an early enough age that the mechanism is buried and the pain that caused the mechanism to occur buried with it.
You may find it helpful to move through early childhood memories with a therapist who is not only fond of you but also trained to guide you through discussion of situations that may be difficult for you to face. This is an issue that is entirely for you to consider. We are not encouraging you to do this. We are saying that you might find complete closure with some of this early childhood material to be helpful in freeing you from some of the strictures within your energy body that you are now experiencing.
We believe the only thought that you need, to bring you at last into a comfortable growth environment within your own inner sanctum, is trust and faith in yourself. As you seek to know more and more who you are, you are going to find that you are discovering the sacred nature of your true self. More and more you are going to be finding reasons to be able to forgive yourself.
We heard in your query that you had considered that perhaps confused and chaotic transactions between you and other people in previous lifetimes may have placed you in this rocky and uncomfortable situation. And to this we would respond to you by saying to think in terms of this lifetime alone.
The veil over other incarnations was drawn for good reasons in third density. Please know that after each incarnation you go through a process of healing and balancing. That period of healing heals that incarnation so that, characteristically, entities do not go forward into an incarnation carrying a heavy karmic load. Characteristically, entities, at this point in third density—this point being the very latter portion of third density—come into an incarnation with balanced karma, and this, my sister, was your situation.
The energies with which you are working in this incarnation are as you have said: those energies within yourself. There is not work to do with other entities in this incarnation in order for you to become whole, integrated and able to move forward with your process of evolution. What is necessary, rather, is that you catch up with yourself. And to do that you shall have to give yourself some time to seat the considerable knowledge that you have gained and to open yourself to the possibilities that lie before you in the present moment.
Therefore, we would simply ask you to release all fear. You do not have to worry about being unsuccessful. You are already successful. You have done much in this lifetime. Your concern now needs to be simply, “What shall you have me to do with this day, with this moment, with this present time of unlimited possibility?”
Release the fear that you are not capable of opening yourself to another entity. Focus instead on opening yourself to yourself. We believe that you will find in each area of your life that if you can forgive yourself, love yourself, support yourself, and encourage yourself, you will be creating for yourself a healthy, sound atmosphere in which you become relaxed and begin to have what this instrument would call “fun.”
It is well for this to occur, not because we encourage frivolity, but because we encourage balance. A lifetime of spiritual seeking is a very long journey. It takes stamina and persistence.
[Side one of tape ends.]
The best friends that a seeker can have are a sense of proportion and a sense of humor.
We salute you, my sister, as a warrior of love and light. We affirm that you are on track, on course. And we hope that we can help you. When you enter into meditation, if you will mentally ask us to be with you, we can help to deepen and stabilize the silence that lies within you. We would strongly suggest to you that you enter that silence each day. Do it in your own way. Find your own inspirational words to read, your own songs to sing, or your own silences to keep. But, if you can, my sister, make the practice a daily one.
May we ask if there is another query at this time?
[new speaker] P
There’s one more question, Q’uo. What is impeding my ability to have a sincere, enriching and intimate relationship with a man and to move forward joyfully with my life, using my talents and abilities to their fullest? I seem to want to live in a vacuum, pushing everyone away for fear they’ll get too close to me.
We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my sister. We would suggest to you, my sister, that the entity that you are pushing away at this time is yourself. The time will come when you will be able to look into your own eyes and love yourself dearly, unquestioningly and honestly.
You will not love yourself because you have become perfect within third density and within incarnation; you will not become perfect. You will love yourself because you finally see yourself as you truly are, as a child of the one infinite Creator who is often confused, often mistaken, and often wildly off-kilter but who always and ever is perfect.
You are as a star or a tree or the north wind or the butterfly that flies from the cocoon to give its patterns and its color to the spring air. You are you. What you are doing within incarnation is rediscovering who you are and examining that world in which you live. This, my sister, you have done very well. You have examined and examined and reexamined. Continue that process, my sister, but seat the examination in love, thanksgiving and appreciation.
In your query you spoke of moving forward in joy. You may free yourself to move forward in joy by beginning to notice the present moment. When one is powerful in the mind and in the personality as you are, my sister, and as this instrument is as well, it is easy to become confined within the power of your own thoughts. It is well, then, occasionally to break out of those thoughts completely, to let them all fly away and to look at the world as if it were new this moment. What is in your world this moment? What vision comes to you? What is there out the window?
When you are involved with a transaction with a stranger in a store, my sister, stop just a moment and look at that person with new eyes. Here is the Creator. Here is the Creator. Where is the love in this transaction? If you do not feel it from the other entity, then you shall need to be the author of what love there is in the situation.
When you are driving in the car or walking upon the sidewalk in the country, stop and look. What life do you see around you? It is the outworking and expression of the infinite Creator. Contact it with your eyes, with your fingers, with your ears, and with your consciousness.
Become engaged in the world around you; not as a visitor, not as one who questions her purpose but as one who chose to come to planet Earth and who has become a native of that planet by being born into the bone and the blood of the body that is part of planet Earth. You belong here. You have a right to be here. You earned the right to be here. You were chosen for an incarnational experience because you had a great deal of desire to come here, to be of service here, and to work on a very delicate balance between love and wisdom.
Perhaps you have suspected that you have overbalanced into wisdom and now wish to see-saw back and forth until you find that exquisite sweet spot where love and wisdom flow through you as one thing so that you are your highest and best self and you have all of those gifts which you brought into incarnation available for offering to the Creator and to the global tribe of planet Earth.
May we ask if there is a follow up query at this time? We are those of Q’uo.
[No further queries.]
As there is no follow-up query at this time, my sister, we leave you with all of the love in our heart, leaving you in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. We are those known to you as the principle of Q’uo. Adonai. Adonai.