Dear L,
I am very humble at the opinion that you have of my opinion. I must say that I consider myself to have a very faulty opinion that is often wrong, and far from being wise, but I appreciate your kindness and words about me.
As for the tape-recording being blank on one side, this happens to me. I don’t know whether it is a random happening, which occurs because of my auto-electrical magnetic field, or as other people have suggested, because some materials that I bring through is of an energy that would infringe on the free will of the person that is supposed to learn his own lesson. Sometimes you’ll hear perfectly clearly up to a certain point, and then the message either becomes terribly garbled so that words cannot be made out, or it just simply goes silent.
I don’t know, but if the latter is the cause, then it means that you are making very important steps along your own spiritual path at this time. You need to be left alone in certain ways, which I was not wise enough to comprehend. It was done for me.
As for the rock music, I cannot imagine where that would have come from. I don’t work with any background music at all. I work sometimes with a background music of Jim’s typewriter or his fiddling around in the kitchen, or whatever he is doing with his day, but we enjoy a very reclusive and quiet existence here, and treasure that. So the rock music is anomaly in itself. I always thought that the Creator had a sense of humor.
Those are my comments on the blank tape because I really don’t know whether it was my electro-magnetic field or whether it is a higher wisdom than mine that edits me from time-to-time. I am inclined to think the latter because of the randomness of the times that have happened and the oddness of when it happens. As you say, it happens in mid-stride. Usually a tape recorder either works or it doesn’t work; it doesn’t just stop working.
Apparently what got wiped out was my discussion about the translation of the Law Of One books. What I said, and again, this may be gone, but I’ll try to make it short and sweet so that perhaps whatever I said before will be absent from this explanation.
Whatever any one chooses to do with the Ra material is completely out of our hands. We have it copyrighted and no one can alter the content of those transmissions. They are accurate and we still have the original tapes that Ra came through on so that if anyone ever questioned their accuracy, we could go back and play the tapes. The attempt to try to explain them to humanity was something that we felt would be utter folly for us to attempt because people would think that just because we were the group that managed to bring this material through, that we somehow would have some special wisdom regarding it, which is, of course, completely untrue.
We are just people like everyone else. We did have a good deal of dedication and we have had a lot of perseverance and determination. For that, I guess we can give ourselves good marks, but for being wiser than the next person or more canny with the knowledge of what Ra had to say, I think not. I think that it is best for L/L to stay completely away from attempting to interpret Ra to people. On the other hand, I think it perfectly acceptable that any one who wishes to, may write whatever he wishes to about the Ra material as long as he gets the quotes right.
Several people have jumped on the band wagon and begun channeling people like Lord Ra, giving him a Commander status in the space army or something, and Ra, of course, was a servant, a humble messenger, and the more humble person or group of persons you could never want to know, or sweeter, but the difference between the Ra material and its supposed other channels is quite obvious to anyone who has read the Ra material and has any grasp of it whatsoever.
So you may try your best to make the Ra material clearer to the common person. However, it is my honest belief that it was intended to be for a relatively small number of people on the planet, namely, wanderers, in order to help them remember and how to get on with it. It is basically a tool and resources book. It is also a very strong, coherent cosmology, which is something I have not seen in other channeled material. The uses of tools and resources being something that is all too rare in this age of supermarket spirituality and bottom-line answers without any knowledge of the steps between A and B. So carry on as you will according to your own inspiration.
Like I said, all I ask is that you quote Ra in context and accurately if you use the Law of One. Ra does actually speak in English so it is not a matter of translating. It is a matter of simplifying the language and, of course, when one simplifies the language Ra uses, one loses a good deal of the nuance implicit in so many of the concepts that are central, so that is a difficulty that is hard to overcome by any author. But I wish you well and urge you to follow your own muse. You have a strong sense of self, a strong sense of who you are and where you belong at any given time.
You are learning more and more about the limitations of your abilities and that is good that needs to be done with someone like you. Being cocky is not a way to go through life. Humility is a much more rewarding viewpoint from the standpoint of gaining information about the way things are in this density, and I think you really have been learning lessons of humility, and compassion and patience in the last year, very unlike the brash, fast-talking person that I first met. I was always delighted by you, but amazed at the intensity of your energy, which seemed to be expended so much on soap operas of life—things in which I simply do not have that much interest.
But I probably am older than you and more settled and here you are in a situation where things have been complex for some time and you willingly have gone back into that complex situation. Apparently it has gotten even more complex with, is it A. and T. that were the married couple that have now separated and are now experiencing a good deal of bitterness?
You cannot attempt to create harmony. It is either there or it isn’t. If it is there, you can work on it to keep it, but if it is not there, it is very close to impossible to manufacture it because it takes the utmost dedication and willingness to communicate, and trust in each other’s communications as being true. (phone rings but message recorder is active)
I agree with you completely about the tour business. Which one was it that was so hyper? Yes, A., the one that you are dealing the most with, the one that is most difficult. I wonder why he is so bent on going into the tour business with a product that he does not feel in all honesty is the quality that he would wish. Whether it is a need to make money, or a need to feel that he has done something, or some reaction to breaking up with his wife, I don’t know. But I certainly hope that you are able in a gentle and compassionate way to guide the group into a rhythmic approach, a natural approach to the path of service that you have chosen, the path of service that, indeed, would be your livelihood. You don’t want to do it sloppily or with half of your energy. You want it to be the best you have to give and this seems to me to be self-evident, and I simply hope that you may break through whatever insecurities are shutting his ears and stopping the heart from understanding so that there may be harmony so this very good idea that you have can come to fruition in a natural and appropriate time.
I certainly don’t think that you are ready as a group to do absolutely anything, not if A. and T. are being bitter about each other and are feeling bitter about you, or at least T. is. I mentioned when I first began writing you that it is very tricky to be involved in complex situations, such as you were involved with, but you were cocky at that time and felt that you could handle pretty much anything and that you could more or less control the situation. But everything has its limits and even the most capable personality has limitations where other people’s wills are concerned and especially in the area of the relationships between men and women.
The orange ray blockages of possessiveness, or desire to be possessed, or to possess, or fear, or being possessed, or fear of possessing—all of that seems to me to be working very heavily within the group and working directly in negative directions against the harmonious group effort. So I think that some fence-mending of a very serious kind, some truly honest communication, and a real cleansing of the relationship between you and T., and a cleansing of the relationship between A. and T. needs to be done before there is any hope of a transcendental kind of harmony that would yield spiritual results as opposed to providing catalyst for further growth.
It is very well to be in a catalytic situation and progress personally through the traumas, and the suffering, and the various challenges and adventures that it brings, but it is also, I think, worth while to consider what fruit you are bearing for the rest of humanity. If you get too involved in the very narrow view of life, which consists of the soap opera going on between individuals, the impersonal life, which is the platform from which true service-to-others is launched, the love of others that is at least equal to the love of self, becomes weak or even impossible. At this stage in your relationship, it sounds to me that much needs to be done before you are ready for anything like that.
The anger that A. feels is understandable since he apparently had been used to having a good deal of attention, both from T. and you, and that now both of you are giving him resistance of one kind or another, he probably does feel abandoned. But he needs to realize that it is his own actions and attitudes that are causing what could be a very harmonious set of relationships to become a very inharmonious set of karmic entanglements, which mean quite a bit of work down the road, maybe even other lifetimes in third density, which sort of represents to me a goal greatly to be avoided in spite of my affection for Big Macs.
Meanwhile, A.‘s daughter’s pregnancy sounds as though it had provided a great deal of catalyst. I am glad that she is having the baby because I think that babies are very precious. But the atmosphere into which they are going to be born, I hope, will be more harmonious by the time they are born because that path of service is so important, and it needs the work of a personal nature to have been done before one is able to teach by example a really spiritual way of living to children.
On top of everything else, A.‘s physical being may well die and he doesn’t want to know about it. That always strikes me as so funny because I would very much want to know and to be able to make sure that all of my accounts were in order karmically: that I had asked everyone to forgive me that I thought I had ever done any wrong to; and simply gotten myself current so that I did not have any unbalanced catalyst still to deal with if I left this illusion. I am ready for a new adventure, not the same old thing.
You know, there is one thing, L., I must say, whatever happens between A. and T., try to stay out of the middle of it. The middle man only gets hurt from both sides. It never does any good. The two people have to interact directly. You cannot have control over anyone but yourself. It is a lesson that you have been needing to learn for some time, in my humble opinion. It will increase your understanding and your compassion greatly to realize that people must go through their own pain and must have their own realizations. You can, by example, inspire people. You can speak inspiringly and cause people to think, but you can’t change their actions. You can’t change what they choose to hear. You just can’t change another human being until that person is ready for that catalyst to work, and that isn’t decided by you. That is decided by the person with the catalyst.
Release both A. and T. and the whole problem into the Creator’s hands. Just picture them as being lifted up in love and light. The Creator has a far better chance of being able to help them than any of us here below, bozos that we are.
I am glad that you and A. are having a good time in this monument selling business and that you are making some money at it. Needless to say, it probably feels the fire of T.,’s ire that he is with you so much and that seems to be part of a pattern, which A. desires and which you want to think about carefully. Any communication that has been unclear between you and any one needs carefully to be reconsidered and if you feel that you have further work to do, do it by all means, one-on-one, not with the three of them together, but between you and one other person.
Society is built on marriage as basically an adversary relationship where a contract is made where two people agree to give everything they have with no return and there is no fine print in the contract. But they don’t read the contract very carefully because at the beginning of the marriage, of course, they don’t think anything could possibly go wrong, go wrong, go wrong. Almost immediately, one wakes up with the realization that one is beginning to know one’s partner better than one did before and was mated to him/her, and that there are things about that person that are difficult to take that do not fit well with the other entity’s way of life, or way of thinking, or something. Something is wrong and the chase is on.
Women have a tendency to bargain with sex. Men have a tendency to bargain with money. These roles have rather become indistinguishable through the liberation movement. Men now barter sex and woman now barter with money, but still, for the most part it is sexuality that is the woman’s favorite tool and the power that a man has over a woman who is dependent on him financially that he uses. Any area where at one time or another, confidential information has been shared, it is a ripe target for misuse during a disagreement. A person begins to feel very betrayed by the very person that he or she loved so well that they wished to spend their life together.
The only way to avoid the adversary relationship is to spend the time that it takes to keep communications clear. This time is usually far in excess of that time, which the people are willing to spend. Consequently, the smallest communications become large miscommunications and eventually there is no communication possible because the differences are too deep-seated and have gone on for too long.
I think it is really an awful shame. I went through a marriage and did not find it necessary to go through the negative adversary trip when my husband asked me for a divorce. But then on the other hand, I have always led an anomalistic life and done things the way I wanted to, at least to the limit of my abilities to do things.
I did have a nervous breakdown about five weeks before Don died after almost a year of his mental illness and was not able to do what I wished to do during those last five weeks. But I don’t think it would have made any difference. I just would have died with him.
At any rate, I have been through many, many years of making my own decisions about things and the way I feel about things is almost always relatively opposite, directly 180 degrees opposite from what the conventional wisdom is. This has ceased to disturb me since I have found that there are others like me. I used to think I was a freak.
You are right. There is no side to an adversary relationship. There is only the sadness of realizing that the catalyst that was so rich in promise has been passed over and instead of enriching the life and making it more fruitful and abundant, it has embittered and withered the joy of life and caused smallness of soul, which is always painful to behold. But time does wave its golden wand over the worst of problems and these things won’t go on forever.
As far as there being such a thing as romance, I would say that there various kinds of romance. For instance the romance that I experienced with Elkins was an other-worldly, idealistic, ethereal adoration, which was probably the most romantic relationship I ever had, but it was without words and it was in a situation where all I ever heard from Don was criticism. I never got praise from him. He would never praise me. He thought that would spoil me. He didn’t want to spoil me. He simply thought I was worth the trouble. I was a person he could tolerate. That was the way he put it.
I asked him for a love letter once and he wrote, “The percentage of tolerability of people on planet earth,” and then he wrote down various of our friends, 2%, 4%, 6% tolerability, and then he got to me and he put 63%, so I was tolerable 63% of the time. That was his love letter and that was by special request. I thought, I don’t have one single love letter from you and I really want one. And he sat down and wrote it. I still have it from him, which was extremely high praise. It would have crushed someone who did not know the silent adoration that he expressed for me and the constant support he gave me financially, and in terms of his feeling that I could be a channel and that I could be of service.
He was the one who got me started doing what I am doing now and, whereas, I could never be a librarian at this point, which is what I was trained to do and this is what I did before working for Don. I now believe that although I am immobilized by this illness, to continue doing it is a great blessing. So that is one kind of romance, which is sort of beyond words, and we were celibate together. Not my choice, his. So it was a romance of a very other-worldly kind and the all the more romantic for that. It had overtones of tragedy and melancholy that remind me of stories of the Holy Grail and Triston and Isolde, and Elouise and Abelard and all of the lovers that were doomed one way or another.
On the other hand, Jim and I have a very sturdy romance. Jim does not feel that he is giving me enough romance and feels very badly that he doesn’t have what he considers to be a properly romantic nature. However, I find him very romantic because he treats me as if I were a princess. He treats me wonderfully. He supports me in everything I do. He is always right there with me and really it is the first relationship I have ever had in my life where I have had constant support and yet, he apologizes again and again that he is not capable of giving me romance.
I don’t need the words. The actions speak very loudly and I think in that sense, it is even more romantic of a relationship than the one I had with Don, which was beyond either of our control. It was very star-crossed. We looked into each other’s eyes across a crowded room and bingo! We both recognized each other.
Jim and I came together in a very noble way. He came to my meditations and we gradually got to know each other and went through a period of infatuation and Don asked Jim to come work with us.
Jim was always right there keeping me stable when there was no stability within myself; giving me a feeling of substance when, in truth, I really had basically died with Don and had to reconstruct my personality from the ground up. I had lost so much of myself being sort an extension of Don, it was not a healthy relationship in that way. My relationship with Jim is much more healthy. He and I are partners together. We have a ball with each other. We work well together. We work hard together. We pull well together and we are always on each other’s side. There is an extremely high level of trust and a total commitment to communication.
I really feel very blessed and that it is a true romance, but it is a different kind of romance, a this-world romance—a very practical and living romance that deals with the here and now as well as with our life’s work together. We have common ideals and we have devoted our lives, both of us, to the fulfilling of them and the joy of working with someone of the same dedication is indescribable.
Yes, Jim and I do have a wonderful true romance, but it isn’t the same as the silent adoration that Don and I had for each other. It was never spoken. It was never expressed. Jim does try to remember the flowers, and that is awfully sweet of him because I love flowers. But mainly what he does is just be there and maintain such a high trust level that I don’t ever have any concerns that I can’t talk with him about that could come between us because we can talk about anything.
I strongly urge you to do whatever you can to get out of the middle of A. and T. in their relationship until they have been able to work it out because, obviously, you did not break up their happy home. Nobody can break up a happy home. Only unhappy homes get broken up. You really don’t need that rap laid on you.
It is important that you see that beyond any relationship you might have with A. as a teach/learner, is your necessity to stay out of his soup so that he can swim out of it himself and not have anyone to blame but himself for being in it. No one can pull him out of it but himself. The idea that a teacher can actually help a student is relatively incorrect. A student simply must be ready to have that epiphany, that transformation and then the teacher may act as a catalyst, but you are on a whole different level than they are.
You are learning a lot of things that are different, that are more impersonal and stronger in their vibration than things that you have said to me before. It is important for you to realize that you have no responsibility in this any more than I have any responsibility to you. I can give you my opinion, but your discrimination is all important. You pick and choose the ideas of mine that may have value to you and just toss the rest out. If I am on the beam, hopefully a lot of what I have to say makes sense. If I am not on the beam, it doesn’t and it doesn’t have to. For my own growth, all that is necessary is that my intentions be there.
I agree with you. Every opportunity to be of assistance to anyone is a blessing, but that great desire to be of service needs to be tempered with the knowledge of how free will really works and how we must have no expectation of any return when we give our help. I think that you feel that within yourself, and I think it is a new enough idea to you that you are feeling the pangs of being solitary as we all are. A shepherd does not have the consolation of moving with the herd. The shepherd is in charge of the herd. He pulls the herd out of pits and finds grass for them. But it is up to them to eat, when to eat. It is up to them to live.
When the sheep are human, there is a good deal more that is up to them. The role of the teacher is much misunderstood, I think, in this culture. We are not here to impart wisdom or here to be who we are, but what we have to say is instantly now, completely incidental because who we are comes through, whatever the words are and it is who we are that helps people. It takes a good deal of inner silence, and quiet, and humility, and the surrendering of the small self, the ego self, to that great spirit that lies within and has so much [inaudible] than we do so that we may become transparent to that spirit.
We are earthly vessels that contain much precious treasure so our responsibility is not to be good looking vessels, but rather to become transparent vessels so that the treasure shines through. We have no control over that treasure. All we have control over is our ability to allow it to shine through us. We have the knowledge that we are never alone; that we all are one. It is just that it is a whole different level of not being lonely and it transcends the usual considerations of humanity.
As to your talk about seeking a mate or not seeking a mate, leave it open. One day you may meet someone who is a good partner for you, who can pull with you, or you may meet someone’s eye across a crowded room and be completely unable to deal in any way honestly except surrender to the remembrance of that person and to the importance in your eternal life.
But I think it is very good that you feel independent because the more independent we are, the better mates we make if we ever do take a mate. It takes a great deal of independence to be a strong partner in a mated relationship.
I see as you are winding up your letter that you are contemplating the past of your relationship with A. and seeing that you feel that you have acted in ways you would have preferred not to act; that you would have preferred a different approach; that you doubt at this point your assessment of the situation and what I would urge you to do with that is to release it. Forgive yourself and forgive the whole situation, forgive A. Really take this on a complete and utter forgiveness of everything connected with that past because forgiveness alone can stop what is so often called the wheel of karma.
What is done is done. It is part of you. You have done your best to learn from it. Even in our mistakes we learn, perhaps especially from our mistakes we learn. The learning is often painful and we are very intent to chastise ourselves over- much. I certainly am. I am harder on myself than anyone ever could be on me. It is a very bad habit, one that I have had all of my life, and I have been trying for some time to work on it.
We both need to realize that we are instruments. Perhaps we play out of tune. That was an error. We must simply tune up. This is the moment we are working on. Not the past, and not the future, but now. Try not to label people as your students, but to think of them always as colleagues. It is a more deep evaluation of the true nature of the equality of us all. Some of us seem to have a better grasp of metaphysical reality than others. But it is important to remember that we are all made of the same stuff and that is, the one Infinite Creator.
We don’t collect students the way we do flowers in a bouquet. We share with friends along the road, people who have decided to undertake a spiritual journey. Sometimes we appear to be the teachers; sometimes we appear to be the teacher almost all the time because of our personalities and the personalities of those who seek out our company. That certainly is true of me, but I have learned through long experience with working with people that I always learn more probably than they do. There really is an exchange going on. It is not teacher to pupil, but colleague to colleague. We are all bozos on this path is my favorite pop statement of the truth of life.
You say he is a definite discipline problem. Aren’t we all? He seems to be repeating patterns that you recently abandoned. That is, the very opinionated, feeling very cocky and judgmental, and that you are right about everything, whereas you have gone on to a more humble way of looking at the picture of life. You are content to watch, and learn and that is much better.
About the best you can do for anyone is to help that person face himself. It seems to me that you are trying to do that and it doesn’t matter that it is difficult or that you don’t get thanks for it. It sounds as though you are in a very good place right now. The only thing that concerns me is your extreme involvement in this letter with the soap opera of A.’s predicament. The soap opera of life is basically pretty insignificant. The joy of life is an attention to being candescent with the present that is before our eyes now and mindfulness of that enriches us more than the most wise and accurate delineations of a complex soap opera problem.
A. certainly does seem to have a complex life right now. But it is his life and it is not incumbent upon you to concern yourself overmuch. Get a little distance, L. and don’t prepare yourself for a fray, as you say, as you talk about the tour business.
Rest in a humble feeling that seems to be self-evident to everyone that the harmony within the group right now is not right for a group effort. It is time to let people chill out, mend their fences, become peaceful again, become able to deal lovingly with each other again, and only in that atmosphere can business, as a group, flourish.
It is fine to visualize love, light, peace and prosperity. All of those things are great, but it is better to have no expectation whatsoever, but merely to rest in peace and refuse to be shaken from that peace by the hasty and argumentative remarks of one who is in the midst of his own soap opera.
You say you are slowing down in your own freight train, which is what I have been talking about the whole time. I think you will be fine. I think you have got the right idea and I think that you are a very determined, persistent and gifted person, and I just wish for you every blessing of insight, and epiphany and transformation that you may find along the road.
Do keep me in touch with how you are doing. My interest is not simply about the soap opera of your personal life, but most of all, in the part of your letter in which you speak of the spiritual lessons that you are learning, the attitudes that you are coming to find useful, which speak to me of a tremendous amount of spiritual work that you have been doing, and for that, I congratulate you on the problem before you.
Thank you very, very much for all of your prayers on my behalf. It truly has helped. I went into one hospital to get off of a medication to which I had become allergic. Nobody had bothered to tell me that it was extremely addictive. It was messing up my liver. It was supposed to take four weeks to get it out of my system. My liver functions were normal in four days. So much for prayer support. I did not bother the doctors with the puzzling thoughts, puzzling to them but I knew what was happening.
Yes, we all are on the sea, but we do have rudders. We have very dependable rudders. We have an inner self that is as strong as creation itself. We just have to have the faith to seek it in silence, in humility and in love because that which created us loved us first. It is, indeed, one journey and I have every faith in you and in all of us and I am glad that you are Pollyanna of the prairie and that you join me in search of the Holy Grail. As far as I am concerned, such foolishness is the only thing in this life that is truly interesting that genuinely holds my attention and for which I actually care.
Lots and lots of love to you, fellow traveler. Take care. God bless.
Carla